Daily Archives: July 18, 2006

today in Microscopic Squid news

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Piglet Squid 

I’ve been sitting on this for days (and boy, is my butt tired)(and smelly) because I thought it was totally fake.

Piglet Squid? Underwater geofeatures that look like naked women? I swear to god, I thought the Piglet Squid was some kinda Disney character, brought to life through the intervention of someone with Photoshop and too damn much time on his/her hands. What can I say, I never watched Saving Nemo…or was it Finding Private Ryan? Whatever, I never saw either of them. I ain’t seen Casablanca yet!

Imagine, if you will (or can) my mortification when I discover that the Piglet Squid is, in fact, a perfectly normal, if teensy, cephalopod that lives in the sea off Nigeria. Oh! The shame! I shall be laying off the calamari and buying live seafood in Chinatown for free-setting purposes in penance. Do tilapia do well in Burrard Inlet?

In any case, these are totally real photographs and (highly cool) video from the BP Kongsberg Underwater Image Competition. Do not miss the video section; bizarrerie of this magnitude does not come along every day, at least not without the use of expensive and debilitiating pharmaceuticals.

Harry Truman, war criminal

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From Crisscross Japan News, via Japanprobe:

Harry Truman, somebody saw it coming

HIROSHIMA — A mock tribunal organized by lawyers and civic groups found on Sunday former U.S. President Harry Truman and former U.S. military officials guilty of committing crimes against humanity and violating international law by dropping atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945 in World War II.

Wrapping up the two-day tribunal at the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum building, three law experts from the United States, Costa Rica and Japan posing as judges recommended that the United States apologize to atomic-bomb survivors, pay damages to them and promise never to use nuclear weapons again.

Lennox Hinds, a U.S. professor specializing in international law who acted as a judge, said the bombings were the act of “an indiscriminate extermination of all forms of life” and that the targeted cities were like “guinea pigs” used in experiments to measure the impact of an atomic bombing.

Save the Macy!

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The Fuggers have done it again, documenting the cruel plight of my favorite scruffy-preppy actor next to Sam Waterston.

Save the Macy!

Poor William H Macy. Can’t you just read his mind?

WILLIAM H MACY: Save me. Someone save me.

BAI LING: I am soooooo comfortable here with William H Macy. I feel so safe.  I feel so in love. I feel like I am wrapped in a giant ball of safe love. Love safe. Sove! Lafe!

WILLIAM H MACY: I fear I am about to start laughing inappropriately. The way you do at a funeral. Who wears a bikini top with a matching skirt, anyway? Although this isn’t bikini material. I don’t think. I don’t know. Felicity always wears a sensible one-piece…dress or swim suit, come to think of it. Oh my god, is she touching my butt?

BAI LING: Bai Ling Macy. Mr and Mrs William H Ling-Macy. Bai and Bill Macy-Ling.  Ooh! Ooh! Personality Number Nine will LOVE being Bai Macy-Ling. That sounds like a new cut of panties!

WILLIAM H MACY: Felicity. I am so sorry. This means nothing. This crazy woman just attacked me.  What was I supposed to do? I’m scared of her. She’s preternaturally strong.

BAI LING: I am so glad I decided to take this totally adorable polka dotty dress and make it into something that shows my middle section part! Look at Billiam H. Ling Macy-Ling rubbing my tummy!

WILLIAM H MACY: I am trying really hard not to touch any exposed skin.

BAI LING: I can’t wait until he leaves that lady who was the man-lady in that movie thing.

WILLIAM H MACY: How long am I supposed to stand here?

Hard Up

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Is that a Burj inyour pocket or are you just happy to see me?Poor baby. His penile implant worked like a dream, and waggled happily skyward without pause from the moment of activation. For ten years. So, what did Mister Genius here do? Get himself a bevy of ladyfriends and a bad reputation?

No, he became a hermit instead. One has to wonder what he wanted it for in the first place. If it’s that bulgy, you can always stuff your pants with a pillow and just pretend to be fat. Or, hey! tell everyone your name is “Colin Farrell.”

From News of the Weird:

The Rhode Island Supreme Court in June affirmed a $400,000 judgment for Charles Lennon, 68, who had sued the now-bankrupt Dacomed company after his Dura-II penile implant remained constantly erect for 10 years. Lennon said embarrassment had forced him to become a recluse.

Black Bush

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With Bush‘s real-life, slightly muffled and demi-masticated “Shit” (mp3) making headlines, we would like to present an alternative view of the presidency. There’s a reason it’s called black humour. In the meantime, would someone please tell him to close his mouth when he’s chewing and swallow before speaking? I’m sure Tony Blair knows all about the benefits of American dentistry, and doesn’t need to conduct an inspection at the dinner table.

Oh, and as I noted on Gawker, Shrub can at least keep it down once he’s swallowed, a talent which famously escaped his father.