The Nicomachean Covid Briefing Bingo

Good morning or possibly afternoon, kittens. We’re back online and losing the struggle to gain control of the television so I can do the Covid Briefing Bingo, so I’ll be Laterblogging it today.

In adherence to our new naming convention, today’s bingo is named after one of the great works of philosophy: in this case, Aristotle’s The Nicomachean Ethics. Couldn’t really call it the Covid Briefing Bingo ethics, because, well, in the dirty, dangerous world of political bingo calling it doesn’t really pay to work out an ethical framework.

TROOF!

Here’s our video from CPAC:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.

I see the normally exhaustive CPAC captions are half-assing it today. Same, CPAC captioneers, same. And our bingo cards are here:

Things are going super-well here at Casa Covidia: The Roommate has commandeered the tv (which, admittedly, belongs to him, as does the casa itself) and the internet is so weak that I can’t run Twitter, YouTube, and the blog, so liveblogging this briefing is firmly in the non-possible category. So, laterblogging it is. Today is going SO very well already.

Twenty minutes later:

FINALLY, the CPAC video has processed and we can begin. Pull up a mink and pour yourself the stimulating beverage of your choice. No Manhattan for me today: it’s Fasting Mimicking Diet Week! Yay for soups, smoothies, and not pooping again for seven days!

sooper

Where were we? Oh yes, beginning. Let’s just…do that, shall we?

To start, mark your “At Rideau Cottage” “Outdoors” “Facial hair” “Porchscaping” although I note they took down the garland on the banister and have de-fabuloused the porchscaping to a significant degree, which saddens me. It’s not even Ukrainian Christmas yet, and everyone knows you leave the decorations up until Ukrainian Christmas.

Oh yes, and “Gloves”. If you’re collecting notes of what to get Trudeau for his next birthday in roughly one year, put “gloves” down, because he appears to own only one pair.

Well, well. Mark your “Starts in French” square, which we haven’t seen in literal months. Bon! Mark your “Vaccine” square as well, and “Moderna” but we haven’t heard “Pfizer” yet. I should really make a square for “Needs another haircut.” Because yeah, looking a little shaggy.

And wow, within mere seconds of the sign language interpreters going live one of them gets swapped out, so mark that square.

Mark your “Can see your breath” square, and now that the Ottawa winter has started to settle in, just automatically mark it every briefing until about May. Which reminds me to blow the GST refund money on a pair of skates.

Yep, there’s your “Pfizer” square and arguably “pushes responsibility to provinces”. “This pandemic will end. We will get through this.” Mark your “Unalloyed statement of optimism” square.

AT LAST The Roommate has gone upstairs to have a shower so I can put the briefing on the tv and get this fucker done. And now I note he’s wearing BROWN SHOES so mark that accursed square. Ugh.

We don’t have a square for “Shades blithe vacationers ignoring THE RED DEATH” but we absolutely should. Because he’s doing it.

And now mark your “Reiterates the border will stay closed.”

A negative COVID-19 test requirement is all very well, but Silkwood showers would de-incentivize frivolous travel in a more direct and effective way, don’t you all think? Threatening actual prison time for flouting Covid travel rules? I see it’s Hardass Day at Rideau Cottage. And mark your “Stern teacher voice” from the fifth generation card.

And now he’s laying the law down about abuse of the sick leave benefit. “It’s not there to pay for someone’s post-vacation quarantine.” GOOD. And mark your “Feels parents’ pain” square.

And mark your “Twinkleface” square at the end of the speech. Now to the media questions.

First up, Louis Blouin of Radio Canada, with a pointed question about using the Emergencies Act to expedite working with provinces to get the vaccine out in a timely fashion, which gets you a “this is a big country, things vary from place to place” response. “From the very beginning” in play now. And another “pushes responsibility to provinces” square, so if you didn’t mark it before, do it now.

We’ve gotten this far without one reference to the app. And now a question from Kristy Kirkup of the Globe & Mail about the speed of distribution and vaccines sitting in freezers being unused. The Roommate got, but has not filled out, his paperwork to get the shot, as he works in a hospital. And he gets takeout four times a day. He needs this shot. We all need him to get this shot.

Mark your “Precipitation” square for lo, it is snowing in Ottawa. And your “Gesticulates” square, as well as “Donc.” This “sickness benefits used by frivolous travellers” question gets Trudeau just as worked up as much as it does anyone else. And there’s your “Drinks water” square too.

Meanwhile, over on Twitter we were talking about Jordan Peterson, premier public intellectual of the nation, God help us all:

I’d watch that Tarantino movie

I wonder what happens if people simply don’t get a Covid test before boarding their flights home to Canada? Guess we’ll find out. And mark your “throat malfunction” square.

Pointed question from Kevin Gallagher about two members of the Liberal Caucus who left the country over the holidays. And that gets a “we are all in this together” response, and use of “the S word“.

And the next reporter specifically asks for the answer in both English and French, good job! And a good question about whether, if manufacturers see vaccines sitting around going to waste, will they slow down the supply. Trudeau’s response is that we are working to get the vaccines into arms as quickly as possible, and mentions “the challenges in certain provinces” which, yes, is shade. That’s as shady as he gets, basically.

Mike Blanchfield of CP asks about politicians traveling and what kind of example that sets. And a followup about extending the ban on travel from the UK. Trudeau gives you a lot of stern looks and doubling-down on “follow the public health rules.” There’s “Reiterates the border will remained closed” triple-strength, and considering extending the UK ban. Oh, and mark “Every step of the way.”

Now a question from David Akin about snowbird vaccine tourism. What kinda moron would fly to get the vaccine? The kind we are well rid of, kittens. That kind. And Trudeau (kindly) replies that we will get the vaccine to those who need it most first, and that there will be no unusual federal measures to help get Canadians abroad home like there were in March of 2020. If you leave, he’s locking the door behind you, and I hope y’all love Daytona Beach, because you’ll be spending quite some time there if you go now.

And that’s a wrap!

Meanwhile in Canada:

Meanwhile, in the US:

This is just…*chef’s kiss*…

Meanwhile, in the UK:

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