The Snooky Covid Briefing Bingo

Welcome, possums!

Today is the sixth in our Mysterious Nomenclature Series: have you guessed the over-arching theme yet? We can give you this hint: it was chosen completely arbitrarily and has nothing whatsoever to do anything. Just like everything else this whole year.

  • Snooky
  • Muddy
  • Grumpy
  • Sparky
  • Heavy Metal
  • Happy

And here’s our actual video for the Zoolander And Co Show today:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by federal ministers Patty Hajdu (health) and Dominic LeBlanc (intergovernmental affairs), as well as by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.

And your cards are here:

Internet completely crapped out, possums, so I’ll have to come back later and finish this. Sorry!

Sorry, eh?

Okay, we’re back two days later. You can mark your blue suit (It’s blue, right? It’s blue on my monitor), mask, maple leaf accessory squares. These things tend to start on time (roughly) when they’re downtown; I never understood how you could be late for something at your own house, but then I guess that’s why I’m not PM.

Getting out ahead of the Russian invasion of Ukraine (impending) so yes, mark your “Shades Putin” square. If I were the leader of Ukraine I would have better things to do right now that phone Justin Trudeau, but I guess if you still believe in NATO, that’s where you start.

“Vaccine” square active, and that’s a definite NOT “shades Doug Ford” so maybe the bromance is back on. SOMEBODY has got to talk to Doug, because you can send all the vaccines you want but if he keeps them in the beer fridge and doesn’t distribute them, nobody’s gonna be protected.

Oh, and there’s “Donc”. My favourite square. There you go, “Flatten the curve” which we haven’t had in ages. We are no longer bending it, so it appears. And mark your “Feels parents’ pain” square and your “Concerned teacher voice” too.

Wait, it wasn’t before?

Two more weeks added to the CRSB now. And working “around the clock” which I think is a square on a very early card. Oh, and did you mark your “Begins in English” square too? Do that.

Mark “Pfizer” and “Moderna” as well. Mark your “Freeland” square which was heartily foreshadowed with the Ukraine announcement earlier.

“Team Canada” mark that one. And I think with the two extra weeks of sickness benefit, you can have the “Finds new way to give Canadians money” square too. And he reviews the existing supports and the Safe Restart Agreement which restarting seems to work about as well as the starter on my old station wagon.

“Unprecedented times call for unprecedented actions. That is exactly what we have seen over the last year, as all orders of government have come together to fight the COVID-19 pandemic and curb the spread of new variants. We will continue working with the provinces and territories, and use all available tools at our disposal, to safely restart our economy, support our communities and businesses, and keep Canadians safe and healthy. Together, we can build back better from the pandemic.”

The Rt. Hon. Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada

“PPE” as well, mark that. And “Rapid testing.”

We’re still talking about the Humbolt Broncos crash? Three years ago. It was a huge event at the time, but I’m surprised it’s still something that the Prime Minister will use his airtime to mention.

This gave you the “feels parents’ pain” square

Dr Tam says we’ve reached 10 million doses of vaccine delivered by Ottawa. And mentions the troubling variants. An average of 6100 new cases and 31 deaths reported daily. I wonder if those numbers have gotten more accurate over time? In other words, have they stopped ascribing to other causes actual Covid deaths? At the beginning there were a lot of “pneumonia” and “cardiac arrest” cases that were uh, not-unrelated to Covid-19.

I will NOT be putting different variants on the bingo cards. I get that they’re important but there are an infinite potential number of squares. “Now is not the time” does, however, need to be a square. And mark your “Dr Njoo isn’t wearing glases” square.

I think you can mark your “Reference to the season” for all the talk about spring and the nicer weather. You don’t really get how welcome spring is until you’ve lived through an Ottawa winter.

“Technical difficulties” again. Looks like Dr. Njoo’s internet is as crappy as mine is. Oh and obviously you can mark your “Someone appears by video”.

Oh, and you can mark “Refers to a premier by name” of course, from the 3rd Generation card.

Now on to the questions. Patty Hajdu gives you the “Florals” square. First up is Le Devoir, as usual with a question about vaccine passports and travel to the US. Trudeau gives the standard “Don’t travel” answer. If you don’t travel, you don’t need a vaccine passport, do you? And hands it off to Minister Hajdu.

Watching Trudeau fidget with that pen either dude spends considerable time texting OR he’s signalling in Morse code.

Bloomberg asks how Yellin’s approach to taxes will effect Canada, which gives him the opportunity to cheer for the G7, so recently almost down to a G6 thanks to Emperor Cheetolini. Another question about when Canada will have everyone vaccinated, which Trudeau dodges because it’s not really up to him. It’s up to the premiers.

“Drinks water” square active now, and Radio Canada is on the phone asking “That Same Damn Vaccine Question”. Which gets them the same “The federal government is fulfilling federal duties well” response we’ve had since the vaccines were literally invented.

Now Annie Bergeron-Oliver from CTV asks about the Americans sitting on tens of millions of vaccine doses when we could use them. Trudeau responds that they’ve already sent 15 million doses of AstraZenica to Canada. New question about what specifically the federal government can do to get more people vaccinated sooner, and Trudeau responds with the example of federal response in the North, which has been very effective. Mark “From the very beginning” at least twice, maybe three times.

Oh wow, two more times! Do we have a bingo, possums? “Rapid testing” square too. And “Gesticulates” active now. And mark your “Forgets to translate into other official language” because he forgot to do it for the previous questions.

Mark your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” square on the half-hour mark. That must be an exhausting job.

Pointed question about the tensions between provinces and the federal government when it comes to responsibility for pandemic response. Trudeau takes the high road, refusing to frame it as anything but a collaborative effort, and also gives you “Got your backs” and “Every step of the way” and yes, that’s a bingo!

And he gives you one more “Every step of the way” and another “Team Canada” too. So don’t say he never did nuthin’ for ya! Dude knows how to use the bully pulpit.

Now Global News asks about prioritizing essential workers in vaccination queues and how that changes the rollout. He replies that the premiers are making decisions to keep people safe and Trudeau can only offer help.

Now a question about Iran’s responsibility for shooting down an airliner. Trudeau responds that Canada is very concerned about the lack of response and accountability, and will continue to work with the international community to support the families.

Meanwhile, in the US:

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