The Pokey Covid Briefing Bingo

Morning, Possums! I wasn’t sure we were going to cover this particular briefing, because we did get poked yesterday and we weren’t sure how we’d be feeling (this is the Vice-Regelian “we” you understand) today. But we are good, other than feeling like we’ve been sleeping in a pair of too-tight goggles and somewhat creaky in the joints but then, it’s a glimpse of the inevitable gimpy future for which we should be grateful, I suppose.

In related news, I am also feeling relatively invulnerable from an invisible and ubiquitous deadly enemy, but then if you know anything about the fights I get into online you’ll know this is basically just standard operating procedure.

Let’s get right into it, shall we? We are still doing our Completely Arbitrary Mystery Nomenclature Theme, and so far we’ve featured:

Our video is here:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by Procurement Minister Anita Anand.

And our bingo cards are thusly:

Mark “starts more than ten minutes late” and “Begins in French” and we’re right into discussing the suspension of passenger flights from India and Pakistan. We’re not gonna be doing straight transcription today, energy is just too low. “Facial Hair” and “Blue Suit” too. And “Somebody appears via video.”

“Third Wave” is never a good square. New cases have more than doubled in the past month. “The situation is critical but we can and we will beat back this third wave.” Trudeau tells you what you should do and OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE HASN’T BEEN DOING for a whole fucking year. “Covid fatigue” needs to be a square.

Mark “Pfizer” for the forthcoming doses and yes, the government things Covid is here to stay. “Pfizer has been a solid partner to Canada” he says. Mark your “CBC Cadence” square too.

Is it my post-jab fatigue, or is there a helluva lot more French in this speech than usually? Just fucking call the election already, would you? Mark the “Sophie” square.

Mark “Rapid tests” and sadly “Shades Ontario” isn’t a square but it should be. “Pushes responsibility to provinces” can be marked. Trudeau isn’t letting the pressure up on Doug Ford. Mark the “Doug Ford” square if only for the implication.

Mark your “Salutes front line workers’ and “Who we are” squares. You get your misty-eyed Canadianism, that Justin Trudeau is so good at.

Noooooo!

Bill Blair is telling you to stay the fuck home. Do we need to get Samuel L. Jackson to record a video? Mark your “Reiterates the border will stay closed” square and your “Somebody appears via video” square. When people from Canada fly abroad for fun, why don’t we just take their passports away when they get back? “Protective custody” for the whole planet. For an anarchist, I’m one hell of a fascist. I’ve never heard Bill Blair speak before, but he’s great at it. Clear, concise, powerful. And he gives you the “Gesticulates” square.

Now we’re on to Minister Anand, whose scarf I covet. Totally not my colour, but I covet it anyway. I’d just put it on the wall and look at it. She discusses the forward-looking agreement with Pfizer and how it reflects Canada’s place at the forefront of vaccine procurement and Covid preparedness overall. “Where we are as a country with respect to current vaccine deliveries” surely even my aunt (who was just here telling me Justin Trudeau isn’t bringing in any vaccines, and poor Doug Ford has to try to get them himself) can’t fail to understand that the feds are (for once) doing a kickass job at procurement. And she gives you your “Unalloyed statement of optimism” and also mark the “Sign language interpreters swapped out” square. And “Drinks water” although it might also be coffee in that thermal travel cup. But coffee is made with water, so it counts.

And we’re off to the questions. “From the very beginning, Charlie” is a square (except for the Charlie bit). Question about did we get any benefit for paying a premium, and Trudeau says we got the bloody vaccines what more do you want (I may be paraphrasing).

Anand reminds us we have deals with seven different vaccine manufacturers. Mark your “AstraZenica” square. Anand is actually grinning, she knows she’s knocked vaccine procurement out of the park. “in the top 3 of G7 countries” is indeed impressive.

I feel the same, but then I do every day of my life. I’m GenX. This is just how we do.

Mark your “Diversity” square and now I wish I’d paid more attention to the question about “tabloid covers.” Was it a Blackface Bae question?

I just realized Trudeau is scheduled for his jab on a Friday, so I expect he’ll be lying low on the weekend. Good timing, most people need to take at least one day off work. And mark your “Donc” square.

Marieke Walsh is playing hardball and good for her. And so is the next reporter. I’m glad to see all this pressure around sexual harassment and assault in the Forces. Mark “From the very beginning” again, and also “Drinks water” and did you notice that paper-straightening? Trudeau is feeling the pressure.

Oh yeah, jumping back to the very beginning mark “Facial Hair” “Mask” “Maple Leaf Accessory” squares, the defaults. Trudeau has started putting his mask back on when not speaking, whereas he didn’t before. Oh yeah, and “blue suit” and “fails to translate into other official language” and just as I type that he starts translating. Dude, get off Twitter, you’re working!

Side effects? What side effects?

Seriously, “You’re on mute” has to be a square on the next bingo card. Along with “straightens papers.” Mark your “touches face” square. Good question about tainted doses from the US, which is classic propaganda. Not to say the reporter is pushing propaganda; but that the Nazis are pushing it.

New question about whether Canada is going to send medical supplies to India. Are we sending oxygen etc? Trudeau hands it off to Minister Anand, and mark your “Biden” square and “PPE”.

I always laugh when the camera follows Trudeau out of the room and everyone waits, because they know the camera is going to do that. They know the power of celebrity. I mean, yeah, he is the Prime Minister, but that’s not why this happens. He’s off to get jabbed. PICK UP SOME GATORADE, TRUST ME!

And that’s a wrap, Possums. See you next Tuesday :)

Meanwhile, in the US:

Math. Hard, it is.

And this was nice:

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