The Grub Covid Briefing Bingo

So named not just for the massive grocery shop-up I’m about to do once this is a wrap, but ALSO for the squirmy little worm that fell out of my hair after my hike of the other day *shudders* and ALSO ALSO yet again after our mystery Overarching Nomenclature Theme that has nothing to do with politics, really. If you think you know what it is, put your guesses in the comments section. So far we have had:

Yanno, you can find almost anything on the Internet, including silicone worm molds from a company called Trudeau.com. Or a photoshop of Trudeau feeding grubs to baby birbs. Of course, he’s all over Grub Street.

What a time to be alive!

Trudeau feeds baby birbs some grub
Trudeau feeds baby birbs some grub and yes this is a photoshop

And now to today’s briefing. Here’s our video:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by federal ministers François-Philippe Champagne (innovation), Anita Anand (public services and procurement) and Patty Hajdu (health), as well as by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.

Here are our cards:

And we’re off.

Pfizer, vaccine, blue suit, mask, maple leaf accessory, and someone appears via video squares are active right off the bat. And “shout out to front line workers” and “into arms” and “Team Canada”. Here’s “summer is coming” coming in, so mark that square.

Dr Tam gives you the “drinks water” square, at least I’m assuming it’s water. If it were bad news, there’d be some question. Day drinking has a long history in Canadian politics, although as a doctor we’re not even sure Dr. Tam partakes. Still, wouldn’t be the first time an opaque travel mug were used for camouflage.

And Dr Njoo gives you “Dr Njoo isn’t wearing glasses.” And mark the “Dr Tam” square too obviously.

That tie…Oh, my dude. That tie. Pretty sure my mother’s prom dress was made from the same fabric, and was about that wide. Champagne’s tie, not Trudeau’s. Trudeau is extremely conservative tie-wise; the socks are, as the world knows, a whole ‘nother story. And mark “Specific Canadian company mentioned.” And given $200 million to boot!

Mark “Cases are down” which is the best square, however much I like “donc.” Even hospitalizations and ICU cases are down. I have a square for “specific Canadian hospital mentioned,” don’t I?

Mark “NACI” which I always mis-spell as NASI because NASI GORENG IS JUST DAMN TASTY OKAY? It’s the grub covid briefing bingo, is it not?

First media question is about Dany Fortin, who is under investigation for a 35-year-old sexual harrassment complaint. As I say constantly, when problems are systemic, the people at the top of the system tend to be examples of the problems, rather than enemies thereof. That said, the timing of the re-emergence of the case is suspish. Very, very suspish.

Very suspish. Please tell me you know who Bailey Sarian is.

That was a very, very weak “Twinkleface” at the end of the statement about supporting men and women in the military against sexual harassment. And mark “Paper-straightening” because yes, we have nervous paper-straightening in spades. Mark “Donc” square and “Gesticulates” as well.

1989 ackshully

Now up @TondaMacC asking about the “foot-dragging” on the investigation and the response is laughably “Passive voice” so mark that square too. And mark “doesn’t translate into the other official language” square.

Now Trudeau is answering a question about protecting the French language and he remembers to translate it into English this time. Some paper-straightening and pen-moving going on, but not an excessive amount. Looking at the hands I can see that the summer runner’s tan has begun.

Kevin Gallagher with a VERY pointed question about why Fortin was allowed to stay for weeks once the PMO knew about the allegations. Reportorial teeth, Possums, and one loves to see it. This one does, anyway; we cannot speak to how Trudeau feels about it. “What responsibility do you take?” and Gallagher points out that very few of the recommendations from the earlier investigation were put in place, over years. Trudeau counters with, basically, “Look at all these women we put in charge.”

“As I said” should be a square on the next card, which is almost ready. And mark your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” some time ago.

Tom Parry with a question about the situation in Israel and Palestine, mark the “touches face” square, and “feels parents’ pain” and wow, I didn’t have “Canada calls for a ceasefire” but mark that in your head.

Chris Reynolds asks a two-parter, what would allow the border to open back up, and then what if Trudeau’s own daughter wanted to join the military, which gets you Very Serious Concerned Dad Face and Concerned Priest HandClasp, so mark that. Trudeau says on a) over 75% of Canadians need to be vaccinated before he could entertain it. And on b) gives you a strong feminist answer that he hopes his daughter could do whatever she chooses to do when she grows up, and that everyone’s daughter can do the same. And be paid as much as a man.

Mark your “AstraZeneca” square for this question about what we’re doing with the doses of AZ that are on pause right now. Patty Hajdu takes the answer, and I am not sure, Possums. Do you think her backdrop beats Anand’s? It’s a close call. Mark it if you prefer Hajdu’s, don’t if you prefer Anand’s. Dr Tam’s wifi lag gives you “technical difficulties” so mark that.

If my eyes and wifi were better I could do a bingo just for these little lapel pins that everyone in Ottawa seems to love. If I ever get a job downtown I’m going to wear little pins like that all the dime. I have the Night Vale Sheriff’s Secret Police badge, the Mont Order pin, a little pin of a cat playing with a ball of yarn, they’re all deeply serious.

My sticker is a picture of the van from Scooby Doo, graffitto’d to say “This Mystery Machine Kills Fascists”.
I am referring all questions to my lawyer at this time.
I have no idea what this laptop sticker controversy is, but will never pass up the chance to shade Doug Ford.

Ah, here it is. Ottawa is huge on tempests in teapots. bUt h1s m4cB0oK!!!!1

New question about the Stanley Cup Playoffs, which is random but gives you the “Hockey” square. And Patty Hajdu says when it comes to international pro sports “our plan doesn’t change.” Dr Njoo is “the sports guy” and takes the question with enthusiasm and he’s psyched about the teams. And Hajdu gives you pushes responsibility to provinces” square which has had a couple of weeks off. Dr. Njoo gives you “one dose summer, two dose fall” too.

And that’s a wrap, Possums. See you Friday? Who knows? Everything is arbitrary, random, and subject to being overruled these days. Including Minister Anand, who gives you the “important person doesn’t speak once” square.

Speaking of institutions which are closed systems which investigate themselves…

Meanwhile, right now, in a country not so far away…

2 thoughts on “The Grub Covid Briefing Bingo

  1. Aww, thank you. My next project is to get more regular about writing; at the moment this is the ONLY thing I cover on a regular basis. Just need to get systematic about it, for once in my life.

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