The #FluTruxKlan Covid Briefing Bingo

Here we are, two days after the actual briefing, at last running it through that most important of all cultural lenses: that of fandom and trivia! Yes, we’re here in 2022, on the cutting edge of the Zeitgeist, where complex, critical issues can only be understood in terms of principles of worship and faith that we learned in Sunday School, and God help you if you’re not a Christian. Erin O’Toole won’t. Can’t. Whatever.

I love that they set out to destroy Trudeau and ended up only bagging O’Toole.
I mean, I’ve heard worse suggestions.

Well, we’re here. Let’s do this. Let’s just do this fucking thing.

Here’s our video, which CPAC initially screwed up so it had one literal hour of dead airtime before the actual speech began, but they’ve now fixed it. Congratulations to the over 140,000 people who persevered and watched it anyway. 633 Likes, zero Dislikes for the record. It was indeed a good one. Especially for a guy who just tested positive for Covid-19.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau comments as a protest against COVID-19 vaccine mandates continues in Ottawa. The downtown area in the nation’s capital has been gridlocked since the protest began January 28 on Parliament Hill. The prime minister is speaking from self-isolation after testing positive for COVID-19. Two of his children have also tested positive.

And here are our bingo cards:

Suuuuuuuper. Video does not work on the television. YOU HAD ONE JOB CPAC!

Okay, it does work on phone and laptop, so we’re a go. Mark your “Seasonal porchscaping” and if one of those Nazi randos downtown asks you where the video was taken, tell him Wilno. Or Wiarton. They’re both pretty drives. And they take between four and eight hours.

Mark “Gloves” and “Outerwear” and did I have a square for “Scarf”? And “Begins in French as well, probably just to aggravate the unilingual chuds (although I see a few Quebec flags among them).

We have a square for “someone named catches Covid” don’t we? Well, his kids have names and he’s got it too, although he’s asymptomatic or was on Monday. NOW I agree he should meet with the leaders of the convoy, hopefully in a small room which he’s been occupying for at least an hour while running on a treadmill. And he should greet them with a big hug and kiss.

Judging by the sound of industrial horns outside my apartment, the convoy is pulling out. And NOBODY is honking back. Nobody. Awww, tiny thirst traps going empty.

Mark “Vaccine” and “Feels Canadians’ Pain” squares. Oh, and there’s “Got your backs” too! Twice!

Freedom of expression, assembly, and association are cornerstones of democracy, but Nazi symbolism, racist imagery, and desecration of war memorials are not.

Irwin Cotler

Hate can never be the answer.

Justin Trudeau

“Disgusted” is a strong word indeed, but when the people you’re talking about are literally stealing food from the homeless, following pedestrians home while threatening them, and shitting in people’s yards, what other word you gonna use?

You’ can’t arrest yourself, people!

We are not intimidated by those who hurl insults, and abuse at small business workers, and steal food from the homeless. We won’t give in to those who fly racist flags. We won’t cave to those who engage in vandalism or dishonour the memory of our veterans.

Justin Trudeau

And now he’s discussing (in French) the Terry Fox statue and Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and how these heroes represent the best of Canada. And that defacing those monuments to propagate hatred is wrong.

Some people still need to be told such things. Some people. “Very fine people.”

It would really help the liveblogging process if the tv would stop crashing every few minutes. I’m only five minutes into this speech FFS. Mark your “technical difficulties” square. And Yeah, thanks for your input on events in downtown Ottawa, completely spontaneous person from Bucharest who claims to be an “evangelist for hire.”

Now Trudeau is giving a shout-out to all the people who’ve been inspired by the theft and defacement to donate to the Shepherds of Good Hope and the Terry Fox Foundation, and you should do that. You should do that right now: there are the links.

There is no place in our country for threats, violence, or hatred, so to those responsible for this behaviour, it needs to stop. To anyone who joined the convoy but is rightly uncomfortable with the symbols of hatred and division on display, join with your fellow Canadians. Be courageous, and speak out. Do not stand for or with intolerance and hate.

Justin Trudeau

That second sentence is probably effective, but it makes me sad. He knows, we all know, these are not free thinkers but a mob, and they’ll go where they think the mob is. Oh, normal is over there, okay, let me drive my pimped out Penis Replacement Vehicle over there. They can be herded just that easily. If a person as devoid of personal charm as Michael Flynn can do it, anyone can do it.

For the record, and for the umpteenth time, the MAJORITY of donations to the GoFundMe are anonymous. The beneficiary of the GoFundMe is the leader of the Maverick party in Alberta, which is a separatist fascist party. If they actually succeed in their mission to separate Alberta from Canada you won’t be able to leave Alberta without being fully vaccinated, because you’ll have to enter either Canada or the US in order to leave.

Anonymous donations are an ideal way to get foreign or dark money into a literally provincial political party: GoFundMe doesn’t care. They’re American. So the money could be coming from Americans or Russians or anyone, really. Despite Canadian law around political donations setting the maximum at $3000.

The largest named donor is a gun range in Langley, BC. Most of the other large donors are trucking companies.

Once the GoFundMe was suspended (you can still donate, but nobody can edit it or withdraw money) the leader of the Maverick party asked people to send her donations via interac debit transfer to her personal account, which is obviously of interest to the Canada Revenue Agency.

Oh, and the GoFundMe clearly asks for funds to pay for fuel and food and hotels for the participating truckers, however the convoy organizers over the weekend released a statement that they do not guarantee that any participating truckers will receive reimbursement or any funds at all. Which is a violation of @GoFundMe’s terms of service, obviously. You can’t collect money to do something and then put in writing that you’re not going to do it.

/end digression

Oops ALMOST end digression. Bombshell approacheth.

Anyhoodle, mark your “Who We Are” square, which honestly is getting a helluva workout today.

And now mark your “Shades Conservatives” square, “the politicians exploiting people’s fears” he calls them, but we know who he’s talking about. The Conservatives are giving roughly four briefings for every one the government gives on this; I expect to see Peepee’s second cousin interviewed shortly. “Think long and hard about the consequences of your actions.” Oh, they are, JT, they are. They are looking at Corey Hurren and the truckers downtown and all the Trump rabble and thinking, “I’m going to get off scott free.” And tell me they’re wrong.

No, SHOW me they are.

Oh look there are our sign language interpreters after all. CPAC really shat the bed on this video, I tell ya. The PM has only two homes (well, I guess he has one in Montreal too, come to think of it) but two official ones, so it should not be that hard to hook up a video from one of them and fix it when it gets uploaded with an hour of dead airtime. Especially when it’s one of the most important briefings of the last several years.

Trudeau’s now giving credit to truckers, ie working truckers rather than grandstanding Nazis. It’s true: not a city in Canada could exist without truckers. I was out Friday night and the streets were full of them, plowing snow, pulling cars out of ditches, hauling garbage, delivering food. There are more than enough trucker jobs in this country for every trucker who wants to work, and if you don’t want to get double-vaxed, there are plenty of domestic jobs for you. Plenty of anti-vax trucking company hiring managers. There’s no lack of work for those who want to work rather than sit in their cabs downtown, stealing food from the homeless and shitting in people’s yards.

We thank you deeply for everything you’ve done. The behaviour on display this weekend does not represent you.

This [demonstration] is not the story of our pandemic, of our country, of our people. Canada is strong because you are strong.

Justin Trudeau

Now mark Feels Parents Pain (again? I think? I started this “liveblogging” two and a half hours ago, god help me). Also, did I mention I like that red tie? Well I do.

Now he’s giving a shout out to Front Line Workers, so mark that square, and very smartly (and very rightly) includes truckers in that. Working truckers. Truckers who work. Not truckers who have nothing to do for a whole week so they sit in their cabs in Ottawa in February.

If you want to know how this is landing on those people, I invite you to look at Gab, or just tune in to CB radio.

Now mark your Shout Out To Healthcare Workers. OMG! OMG! He just avoided saying “We’ve got your backs,” subbing in a “We’re in your corner” instead. What the hell, did he get a new speechwriter or something?

You [healthcare workers] are the story of this pandemic. Not this convoy.

Justin Trudeau

Mark “rapid tests” and “Do the right thing” in French. French checkmarks look almost indistinguishable from English ones, did you know that? But those Belgian ones? Almost unintelligible. For sure. I’m being completely honest with you here. Trust me.

There’s another “Got your backs” and an “as long as it takes with as much as it takes” which is almost a square from I think Gen 2 card, so mark it. I’m punchy and being generous today.

I wish I could tell you that there are no more difficult moments ahead, but we all know I can’t say that. What I can say is that this government will continue to have your backs. We will continue to be there for you, as long as it takes with as much as it takes. That’s how we’ve all gotten through this pandemic so far, that’s what we and I will continue to focus on.

Because we believe in you. Canadians are compassionate, kind, strong, and resilient. You elected us all to get big things done, and with the return of Parliament we all have work to do.

Justin Trudeau

Mark your CBC Cadence and your mild Twinkleface. Mark it very mildly, perhaps in pencil. It’s not easy for a man to twinkle when he’s covid-positive and playing to a lone camera.

OT: Say what you will about the government response to the convoy, but the air force is on point. Those aren’t sight-seeing planes and helicopters flying overhead.

Now Trudeau is talking about freedom, democracy, and the rule of law “in the face of Russian provocation.” Mark your Shades Putin.

As Canadians we stand up for what’s right, and mostly we stand up for each other.

Justin Trudeau

And that’s a wrap for the speech part, now on to questions. Will the first one be from Le Devoir? Ooooh, the suspense, Possums, it kills me. OH! MY! GOD! It’s not Le Devoir. CP, what did you do, who did you bribe to jump ahead of Le Almighty Devoir?

CP’s question is whether Trudeau will meet with the leaders of the convoy, as they have demanded, and now that he’s covid-positive I think this is an EXCELLENT idea! Check ’em for friendly sausage making ordnance first tho.

Mark your “strenuous nod” square, for once it’s not Freeland. But it’s a nod of “I get why you’re asking” not “You becha I will.”

Trudeau replies,

My focus is standing with Canadians and getting through this pandemic. [a good way to frame the demonstrators as un-Canadian without using their own floridly patriotic language] The way to get through this pandemic is to continue making the challenging choices and sacrifices as citizens, as individuals, as communities, to keep each other safe. To trust science. To trust facts. To continue being there for each other. That is my focus.

justin Trudeau

Followup question is why when you attended BLM rallies and the like in the past, you won’t attend this one [gee, might it have something to do with the possibility of being assassinated? or the desire to avoid platforming Nazis?]?

Trudeau replies that he attends rallies when he supports the goals and the people involved. Draw your own conclusions. He takes the opportunity to point out again that roughly 90% of truckers are fully vaccinated, and he warns other political leaders to take note of where they stand and who they stand with.

That’s pretty damn pointed for Justin “Can’t we all just get along” Trudeau. And mark your Fails to Translate Into Other Official Language. Looks like we’re in for a lot of that.

The next question is in French, very fast French, and frankly I miss most of it. But the answer gets you the “Gesticulates” square and is about the frustration felt by the entire world at the dragging on of this pandemic and the necessity to obey public health guidelines, including vaccination. “Les uns pour les autres” is a great phrase. There’s nothing that catchy in English in his speeches or his spontaneous vocabulary.

Can I make a confession? I’ve always, ALWAYS wanted to see the PM’s country house (which I am carefully not naming here, because even Nazi chuds can read, and I prefer them to be confused). I love those old houses. I bet there’s a ghost story there. All those old houses have ghost stories.

Next question is from CBC, and it’s annoying the reporters aren’t introducing themselves so I can’t tag them. Do I really gotta memorize what every reporter in the parliamentary press gallery sounds like? I’m way too lazy for that.

It’s the question of how this obvious minority claims that they’re peaceful and it’s only a radical fringe which is being violent and awful, which is sort of the least self-aware claim a mob of chuds can make. “We are a minority, hear us! But ignore those people with the swastikas, they’re a minority!”

Do I have a square for “exasperated sigh?” If so, mark it. Mark “extreme Covid fatigue” which actually is a square.

And again, Trudeau says anyone protesting who is disgusted by violent, hateful behaviour and messaging “needs to step up and take responsibility” which is not your prime minister telling you to punch Nazis, which I would do if I were prime minister, which I am not and there are Reasons For Things. He’s just saying to condemn their actions.

Followup is a killer. Which politicians exactly where you talking about when you warned politicians to be careful who they’re associating with. Trudeau says ALL politicians need to take that kind of care, calls out Cons for sharing vaccine disinfo and encouraging conspiracy theories online. Oh, we’ve got Fed Up Justin today and he is naming names: Erin O’Toole specifically. And he comes out and says the protestors do not represent truckers, let alone the vast majority of Canadians.

Oh, there’s your sign language interpreters swapped out square. And now Le Devoir is up with a question; musta been away getting a sandwich earlier. It gets exactly the same response as he’s been giving for twenty minutes: the best way to beat the pandemic and end all this zombie-like suspended animation is to obey public health guidelines particularly vaccines.

The next question is in English but garbled, so mark your Audio Difficulties square. It seems to be coming from perhaps 1939, which would be appropriate in the current political climate. Oh, it’s another “why don’t you meet with the Nazi mob leaders” question. I didn’t realize that the Völkischer Beobachter was a member of the parliamentary press gallery.

Trudeau gives you a good long ten second pause before answering, and then talks about how meeting with disinfo agents and violent leaders is platforming them, and he trusts that Canadians are watching and remember who is choosing to stand up for what and whom and what choices they are making as leaders. Then he specifically calls out O’Toole and Bernier again, oh it’s ON!

Yet ANOTHER question about vaccine mandates. I mean, it’s a pretty simple concept. I get that journos are paid by the word, but can you not pick a question that hasn’t been asked a million times earlier?

OT: It’s hilarious to see some of the most “forward thinking” of the chuds advocate for BTC to get around the blocking of the GoFundMe. They don’t understand marketing, fundraising, OR cryptocurrency. Which is entirely traceable. And taxable in Canada.

Mariekke Walsh again thanks Trudeau for taking media questions. I think she’s the only one who still does that. She asks the same question everyone else did, but spins it as a vaccine safety question. Do you need to soothe these frightened people (I may be paraphrasing her; in fact, I am because come on)?

Trudeau, whom I expected would respond mildly, politely, and obligingly, in fact throws it back in her face, saying that anyone who thinks he hasn’t been talking about vaccine safety hasn’t been listening to everything he’s been saying for the past two years. And we know she’s been at pretty much every one of these briefings. Burn! That’s a critical burn!

Now you have your Vocal Malfunction/Throat Clearing square. And you get a juicy little rant about tinfoil hats and microchips and conspiracy theorists and you also get a good sense of how tired Justin Trudeau is to have “will you pander to dangerous nutters” thrown at him ten times in an hour.

The last question is yet another variation of the same question, and gets you the same answer. And another reminder (the fifth?) that the vast majority of Canadians are vaccinated.

Mariekke Walsh didn’t get a followup, so the moderator offers to put her on, but she’s already hung up. Probably lest she swear at a sitting prime minister or something.

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