Category Archives: Weird

motivational video of the year: Impossible is the opposite of possible, by Michael Cera

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Stolen from Gawker. Sure, Aleksey Vayner‘s video was so over the top as to constitute unintentional self-parody, but I’m all for piling on when you smell blood, and Vayner‘s been hemoragging ever since Dealbreaker got ahold of the damn thing and broke it worldwide. Wonder what he’s doing now? I expect the phrase “Would you like that Venti-sized?” figures large in his workday.

In any case, here is Michael Cera, former Arrested Development star, kicking sand in the eyes of the hapless Uzbek. I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that I was the first person to question whether or not that was him in the skiing section, a point obviously not lost on Cera.

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sick leave for all!

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Flu of 1918

As a good anarchal communist and a functional socialist, I support paid sick leave for all. Capitalists whine, and say that sickos aren’t helping our economy any, but hey, with healthcare the fastest-growing industry, what would happen if all of a sudden nobody went to the doctor anymore? Global collapse, that’s what would happen! I’m telling you, besides staving off global communist revolution, supplying paid sick leave provides real benefits to the country, any country. Such as?

Such as, did you know that very likely none, repeat, none of the people who handle your food before you eat it get paid sick leave? Also, that none of them get paid enough to stay home when they’re sick and just blow off a day’s pay? And do you know what that means for the state of the food you get? That’s right, it’s accompanied by an invisible garnish of everything they’ve picked up recently, from the salmonella on the eggshells for the eggs benny they made before they tossed your salad to the flu virus they got from the doorknob. And no, they don’t wear gloves. Paid sick leave for all workers, from minimum wage on up would cut off a major source of transmission right there.

Not only that, but it can prevent criminal arrest and incarceration. At an average cost of over $36,000 p.a., prison is an expensive option. Imagine the savings to the American people if this guy had gotten fifty bucks to just stay home instead.

A man is in police custody in Sacramento, Calif., after his attempt to rob a bank was foiled by his own runny nose. Sudan Provost, 40, entered a bank in downtown Sacramento Friday afternoon and announced in a low voice that he was there to rob it — but apparently, nobody heard him, the Sacramento Bee reported. Provost then walked up to a teller’s window, indicated he was armed and asked for a tissue…

That is one tough teller. “I’ve got a gun, give me a Kleenex.” “No.”

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weirdness roundup: also-rans

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weird al mona lisaHere’s a brief taste of weirdnesses I cruised or missed which didn’t make it into the ol’ raincoaster blog, for one reason or another. If it’s Santa-related or Squid-related, you can assume the reason it didn’t get into the blog has to do with the fact that I copied it to the hard drive at home before the cable went out and haven’t been back to get it. Otherwise, it’s the kinda thing where I looked at it and said Nah, we’ve had too many Darth Vader Sticks Up a Drive Through stories recently, and I just skipped it.

He-Man Sings Four Non-Blondes. The reason I didn’t post this is simply that I figured everyone on Earth had seen it, but I found out today that’s not true. So here it is. Break out the rainbow legwarmers and glow sticks and put on your dancin’ shoes!

An Aussie roundup of world-wide weirdness, all of which escaped the blog except the Brazillian who blowed himself up.

I’d a used this one if I’d seen it in time:

In Cologne, a plastic surgeon cheated out of payment by two women using fake names gave “wanted” pictures of their enlarged breasts to police.

I’ll BET they were wanted!

Rich people getting ripped off on luxury items. You see these from time to time and every time I think: This is news? This is justice, baby!

The best of Dear Prudence. I’ve read it. There IS no best. Dear Prudence, please shut the fuck up.

Predictions, particularly by people who were wrong in the past, and who start their prediction stories by listing instances of them screwing up last year. What hurts most when I read these is realizing he was paid just as much for “I was wrong when I said Britney and K-Fed would have a girl” as “And today the the weird eyeSudan was invaded by Ethiopia…”

Public opinion polls, particularly contradictory ones. If I wanted to know what the common people thought, I’d go to the bloody beer store and I’d ask them.

Praise be to Fark, which is a year-round source of insanity upon which I have come to rely. And some day I’ll even figure out how to register there. Maybe.

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sex lives of the Great Old Ones

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Saturday Night Undead!

Seriously, if this is how they choose to do it with one another, is it any wonder that gods generally prefer to do it to humans? At least they can’t fight back!

Forget Zeus and all that bestiality schtick, and never mind that eggnog is the ectoplasmic emanation that really got the Virgin Mary pregnant. This is what happens when they go at it one-on-one, hidden by the numinous dark in the depths of the sea. Cthulhu ain’t no Valentino, that’s for sure.

“The male giant squid has to use a puny 15-gram brain to coordinate 150 kilograms of weight, 10 metres of length and a 1.5-metre-long penis,” he says. “He physically plunges this penis into the female’s arms, which are rather unfortunately right next to her beak. Because he is coordinating so much with so little, I think occasionally bits get chewed off when they inadvertently get too close to the beak.”

Oh, but you know he likes it rough! Still, an excellent lesson in how NOT to ask for oral sex. Guys, are you taking notes? I really don’t want to have to go through this again. Which reminds me, what is Bill Clinton doing these days?

Oh! My virgin eye! (Psst, wanna t-shirt of this? Click on it!)

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new game: the raincoaster challenge

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TIALookie everybody! All that famewhoring paid off: I’ve got my own game.

Me and Kevin Bacon, we’re likethis. Even William Fucking Shatner hasn’t got a GAME! If you thought I was insufferable before, just watch out, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!

Check it out: the raincoaster challenge, by Richard Mahoney over at Envelope Filter: tasty harmonics in a creamy static sauce.

  • Anyone can play. Everyone should play. Tell your friends.
  • Raincoaster should be in the first 10 results, partial credit for first 20.
  • Successful searches should be posted in the comments.
  • Use of the term ‘raincoaster’ in the entry kind of defeats the point, in case you hadn’t guessed.
  • Funniest/weirdest term wins bragging rights.
  • Visitors to the site should hit google with the search terms in the comments. If we get over twenty or so in a day it turns up in her blog stats.

But the FIRST RULE of the raincoaster challenge is, you must go show the luv to the inventor of the game. G’wan, give him a hit; he deserves to be hit, for feeding my ego!

I'm so totally important, though. Just ask anyone! Well, anyone who's heard of me.

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