It is a truth universally aknowledged that a young woman at a writer’s conference in possession of a diaper bag must be in need of a baby…or not.

Regardless of the urgings of one’s practical instincts, a diaper bag cannot adequately substitute for a tote bag at a literary conference.

Baudelaire would not be okay with the Hello Kitty motif; or, rather, he would be, but only after a fatal dose of laudanum. Would Blake, Wordsworth, Shakespeare or even, god forbid, Martin Amis, be okay with the idea that their expensively-Kinko’d handouts were stored in a compartment with both #1 and #2? I ask you, eh?