Covid Briefing Bingo, Part The Part Where I Got Bored

Yes, we are still doing this. It’s March the 204th of 2020 and here we are: live-tweeting and live-blogging a week-old video as if it were new because FUCK EVERYTHING THAT’S WHY.

Also, I’m sick, so it’s even more boring to live through a pandemic when you have a debilitating, uncomfortable, but relatively banal and unfatal seasonal flu. So I’m in what you might characterize as either No Mood or A Mood, depending on your regional dialect and idioms. So, there’s that.

First Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card

Second Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card

Third Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card

Here is our video, helpfully titled by CPAC as “PM Trudeau on throne speech, election speculation, Covid-19 aid for provinces – September 16, 2020.” Great job hitting all those keywords, guys!

Shall we begin? Let’s begin.

There’s fuck all else to do around here, as I believe I mentioned.

Okay, there’s your Begins in English and Blue Suit squares checked. Didn’t see the shoes but smart money says yes, brown shoes. *shudders*

Didn’t see it because CPAC edits with a chainsaw, but you can bet the “Maple Leaf Accessory” was in play with the usual mask.

Did you realize that the Canadian flags are always draped to show the same precise segment of the Maple Leaf and that is someone’s actual JOB and I kind of love that.

That’s your “CBC Cadence” square ticked, and we’re a grand total of 17 seconds into the speech.

We’ve also got “Extras in the background” from the 3rd Generation bingo card. Very fancy extras including the Deputy PM.

And that’s “shifts responsibility to provinces”. I should make a square for every time he announces another new way to give Canadians money.

WTH is going on off-camera on the right? Something very interesting, apparently.

How can you have a Cabinet retreat in Ottawa when Ottawa is where Cabinet meets? Did they all just stroll over to the Lord Elgin and play dopey teambuilding games in a board room or something?

WHOA HE JUST SAID THE WORD “SOLIDARITY”. What was I just saying about Canadians being Socialist, @Guerrilha_Grodd?

Oh, got the “namechecks Dr. Theresa Tam” square a while ago, forgot to call that one out.

That “congratulations” on the US caving to Canadian demands about its aluminum tariffs is definitely a “Shades the US” square, so mark that one off. This is a busy briefing. Canada is a passive-aggressive nation, truly. These are My People.

There’s your traditional “Drinks water” as always in the pause between the speech and taking questions from the press. Dammit, I should have created a square for “Twinkleface.”

Bonus “Shades Putin without naming him”.

I just love that word, “donc.” I love it. Who knows why? It’s like punctuation, only verbal.

WTF? I didn’t have a square for “Building back better?” And me the world’s #1 alliteration fan. I am ashamed, people. I have failed you.

There’s your “Gesticulates” square but it was pretty weak. Normally he’s gesticulating away, particularly when he speaks French, but today was all the Concerned Priest Hand Clasp Pose.

If I were the Deputy PM and Finance Minister, or an Ambassador, or any other Minister, I’d be pretty pissed off to have to stand there silent for a full hour just to be background dressing for the Prime Minister. They must all have better things to do, surely.

Well, the question about the election got the arms flailing like a KitchenAid mixer. I sense the man might be somewhat emotionally invested in the question.

Freeland’s French is way better than I thought. Way better than mine, for sure.

Did…did they have Chrystia Freeland the Deputy Prime Minister stand on a box the whole time so she’d be in the shot? Yes, readers. Yes, they did.

And that concludes your Covid Briefing Bingo for today. Well, last Thursday. Whatever. It’s March 204th.

Justin Trudeau "Because it's 2015."

Covid Briefing Bingo, Continued…

Justin Trudeau "Because it's 2015."

Justin Trudeau “Because it’s 2015.”

 

But for how long? Who among us can say (not even the esteemed Dr. Theresa Tam knows, nor the revered Dr. Bonnie Henry. Surely not your humble blog host). Now that the daily briefing has become the Once In Awhile briefing, there seems to be less and less point to creating new bingo cards; on the other hand, there is more and more boredom.

So, here we are.

Almost two months ago we launched the Canuckian version of Briefing Bingo, alongside pre-existing British and American games, taking our rightful place on the world stage. We dunno what’s up with the other two countries in Five Eyes, but maybe their retired journalists have better things to do with their time?

God knows I don’t.

Almost a month after the media frenzy (not really, although the NaPo did give me a very polite rejection email) of our initial launch, we followed up with the Second Generation Briefing Bingo card, featuring the square that would be near and dear to my departed mother’s heart, had she not departed this Earth back when Prime Minister Zoolander was still at school. I refer, of course, to the “Wears brown shoes with blue or grey suit WHICH IS JUST MORALLY WRONG” square.

To date we have filled exactly ONE row, the second row from the top in the first generation card. But do play our Daily-Briefing-Bingo-3rd Generation, either with or without previous editions, because if we can just coax him into saying the words “Attack and dethrone god” on-camera, it will all have been worth it.

Tune in now and then at roughly 10ish-11ish some mornings, follow along live on Twitter with the hashtag #BriefingBingo, or just check this site once a day for the roundup of each day’s bingo calls in the comments section. And if we miss something, an accidental photobomb, an insect, or a muttered “attack and dethrone god”, by all means hit us up in the comments; thanks to CPAC, we can always review and amend.

DIY Plague Doctor Mask Instructions

Make yourself a funky and effective leather plague doctor mask. For 2020, the year cosplay was just “getting dressed in the morning.”

#OpCovid19

We’re back! After a slight hiatus caused by some inconvenient IRL concerns, we are happy to be back, bringing you the covid-related content you rely upon.

We’ve covered instructions to make various kinds of masks, including medical anti-viral grade masks. Now that there’s more science on the way masks protect the wearer and the surrounding people, we are pleased to present these instructions, for a seriously steampunk-looking leather plague doctor mask. It enforces distancing through its sheer size, and acts as a baffle to reduce the spread of particles from the wearer’s breath, and to the wearer from the outside world. That is, after all, why they became popular in the first place.

Plague doctor mask perfect for cosplay, film and music industry prop, steampunk, Halloween, dystopia and post-apocalyptic parties.

✺ Pattern on SHOPIFY: https://bit.ly/2TlwcAx ✺ Pattern on ETSY: https://etsy.me/2X8qa7j ✺ Mask on ETSY: https://etsy.me/3bIE4Ck

∞ Read the Story…

View original post 75 more words

Daily Briefing Bingo Edition 2.0

PM Zoolander rides a moose. As one does.

PM Zoolander rides a moose as one does.

If you’re new to Daily Briefing Bingo, check out Daily Briefing Bingo Edition 1.0 and get your first-edition Daily Briefing Bingo card. From this point onward, you can play either or both cards from this point onward.

The first edition card does not have any completed lines yet, but here’s hoping! Come on, Ascot! Come on, Jeans! Come on, Blue Steel! Sadly, second column is a complete skunk, with not a single box ticked at this point. Ou est le blue plaid jacket d’antan?

Here’s the Daily Briefing Bingo Card Edition 2.0. It’s a PDF, so if you’ve got the right software you download and play with it on the computer, or you can print it out and mark it up in meatspace, rollin’ old skool.

Moving forward, from this point on, our new reality is (sorrynotsorry) squares featuring appearances by a diverse cast of characters and phrases including international vaccine alliance GAVI, visible perspiration, porchscaping, “Ramping up”, “The new normal”, “Who we are”, and the highly controversial Wears brown shoes with a grey or blue suit, which is JUST MORALLY WRONG.

Remember to play safe, and maintain good social distancing and mask hygiene while playing, and to never, and I mean never, speak moistly.

 

 

Daily Briefing Bingo: The Canadian Content You Didn’t Know You Needed

Hey Girl from Whaaat Studio?

Hey Girl, do you want a robust social safety net? I got you.

But you totally DO need it, you know?

Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest challenge faced by contemporary news organizations (besides rapacious owners; don’t get me started) is that of enticing readers, listeners, watchers, away from the never-ending stream of infotainment which surrounds us. Never mind getting them to actually pay attention to the news.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have, at long last and at uncounted expense, solved that problem. I mean, it didn’t cost me anything, but I also didn’t count it, so … that.

The solution? We can finally reveal it:

Bingo cards.

 

 

 

 

Oh, come on. You’ve been on Twitter. You know how this works. You know this works. You’ve played this, don’t pretend that you haven’t. We’ve taken the old jokey cultural trope bingo game and updated it, giving an entire nation a reason (finally!) to skip out on this “work from home” nonsense (these crazy kids and their crazy ideas to integrate work and life in a holistic, effortless, and sustainable way, pssssshhhhhhh, whatever) and tune in to the daily briefing on the Covid-19 crisis from Prime Minister Zoolander Trudeau.

And yes, we know contemporary audiences have short attention spans, so we’ve built a few tricks into this most competitive of game boards. In order to complete your board, you’ll have to watch on multiple days. Yes, we are just that hardass around these parts.

Enough prelude, on to the downloadable game board. Yes, there can be only one.

You can print it out or just edit the PDF as you go along, and play along live on Twitter (follow @raincoaster, who will be calling out the squares live unless she {I} sleep[s] in again) and the Canadian tv network of your choice or YouTube at 11am EST each weekday.