Covid-19 Briefing Bingo: Introducing Seymour

We have wronged you, people. We have failed you. Yesterday we introduced the Fifth Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card, and we left one of the squares totally obscure! We apologize: only the most dedicated of raincoaster followers, the fine print readers, would know what was meant by “Seymour.” Bottom right-hand square.

Allow me to introduce you to Seymour.

Say hi to Seymour!

Seymour is the little jade or soapstone or whatever, possibly extraterrestrial green stone sculpture of a lion or a bear or an idol of some undiscovered species of Great Old Ones-worshipping alien that may or may not have been brought to Earth æons ago when the wriggling forms of primitive, protean life squirmed their way out of the mire and stood or crawled in the light of the sun for the first time.

So, yeah. It looks like a Seymour to me. So Seymour it is.

Anyhoodle, here’s today’s video for today’s Covid Briefing Bingo, which we are doing live for the first time since we got sick like six weeks ago, but were told “Oh, it’s not covid” BUT I’M OVER THAT NOW!

Covid Briefing for October 23 featuring Justin Trudeau, Treasury Board President Jean-Yves Duclos, Intergovernmental Affairs Minister Dominic LeBlanc, and Public Services and Procurement Minister Anita Anand, as well as Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, the deputy chief public health officer.

Our previous bingo cards:

AND WE ARE OFF!

Check off “reporter sits in front row” and “Blue suit” and “Begins in French” for once, and also “Someone is present only on video” and BAM! Also “Vaccine.” Pretty good first 90 seconds. And ahem, more than one person was wearing “Blue or grey suit with brown shoes which is JUST MORALLY WRONG” so be sure to mark off that accursèd square.

And yet another “Finds a new way to give Canadians money” and “Names specific Canadian Businesses” and wow, also “Throat malfunction”. We’re going to get a row filled in today, I can just feel it! Oh yeah, there’s “Vaccines” again, and also “Drinks Water.”

And there’s “Gavi” from the second generation card. And “Refers to Dr. Tam” again, because she’s right there. Oh yay, we just hit the highest number of cases ever in one day. Soooooooper.

And now we are getting an explanation of how pandemics are, obviously, a social problem, and how following the advice of health experts can contribute to not only saving yourself from infection, but also stop the spread in its tracks. And how we damn well better.

A nice shout-out by Dr. Tam and Dr. Njoo to the Canadians working on fighting the virus through science. And lots and lots about “rapid testing” so mark that square on the Fifth Generation card.

At the 52 minute mark the sign language interpreters get swapped out. Do their hands get tired? That’s a square, so mark it off.

Now to the questions from the media: didn’t notice if there was a “drinks water” in the traditional place, but we got it earlier anyway. Ironically, first question, from APTN, about whether or not Trudeau’s government will meet its goal to lift boil water advisories on reservations by March 2021. And we get “Gosh, things are difficult, look at all we’ve done so far, Covid makes things hard, next question please.”

We do get the “Mentions a reporter by name” which is only fair, as they pretty much all call him either “Mister Trudeau” or “Mister Prime Minister” which, now that I think of it, must be very Freudian for him.

And there’s TorStar offering up the opportunity to give us the “Shades the US” square, but he just won’t do it today. The standard “What if the US goes all to hell on election day?” and the response is basically “Hey, they’ve been doing elections longer than almost anyone on Earth (hello, France) so we have faith they can do it this time.” Does Trudeau know something we don’t? Like that all those FSB hackers have defected and are living in a commune on Vancouver Island somewhere? OOH can you get me Phineas Fisher’s autograph?

That was a very half-hearted “Gesticulates” but it was a “Gesticulates” so mark that square off. Even if it’s thumbs-only, it still counts. Oh wait, now there’s some full-on gesticulation occurring. You can mark it off with a wide dabber now, instead of a narrow felt tip.

Haha, “Every step of the way” I thought we’d never hear that one again. I think that’s on the first generation bingo card.

Pretty awesome to hear more than one organization hammer the water quality on reservation question. Squeaky wheels and all that.

That said, I’m not sure “Okay you tried and failed, why should they trust you to get it right this time” is the narrative the Liberals would appreciate you pushing right now.

I don’t get the focus on rapid testing. The results are currently taking fewer than four days. Anyone can stay home for four days, no? Trudeau seems to agree, calling out “shiny new” things that people focus on, while the government has to ensure that they are both safe and effective before using them on Canadians.

Reporters are beginning to learn they have to say “with regards to this SPECIFIC example” otherwise Trudeau will generalize and macro-POV things till they are essentially meaningless, but comforting. And Trudeau’s out, putting on the mask so mark your “Maple Leaf Accessory” because we’re not going to give you that square every time there are flags present.

We’re not that easy.

So is that annoying little alert coming from my computer or CPAC or someone’s phone or what? Because it’s really fucking annoying. Aw, poopiecaca, and we do not say that lightly, it’s my headphones running out of juice. I may have to bail on this briefing prematurely. And I hate being premature.

Oh my god, have you ever seen anything more Canadian? Ministers complimenting one another on their fluency in the two official languages and being humble about their own abilities.

Okay, there’s your PPE square. I think that’s third generation card. And that’s it, my friends. I’ve got to bring the #Covid19 #BriefingBingo to a close because my headphones died so I can’t continue to use the laptop and The Roommate is watching his reruns and it’s his tv so as we all know the ownership of the means of entertainment (capitalists) are the dominant class (bourgeoisie). I won’t be booting him off the tv any time before The Revolution. And since there aren’t enough of me here to unionize (there’s only one of me, much to the relief of billions and the regret of a few. A happy few) that leaves me pretty much powerless.

See you next time, kittens.

Night of the Covid Briefing Bingo

Named after the fact that I stayed up all night to reset my clock and also after one of the wolfman movies of Paul Naschy, which are delightfully cheesy but somehow have heart. He was never supposed to star in them at all (he was a writer) but for some reason I forget and which you did not come here to learn, he ended up starring in a whole raft of them.

I didn’t think “The Covid Briefing Bingo’s Bloody Terror” was quite appropriate. Yet. We’ll see where we are come December. So, Night of the Covid Briefing Bingo it is.

Our previous bingo cards:

Here’s our video from October 20th’s briefing; we’re going to be sticking with CPAC, methinks, from here on out because it’s me who makes those decisions and while I love Rosie Barton, I’m not thrilled with the CBC generally at the present time. Also I’m getting a kick out of testing my French, which has become slightly less appalling than it used to be, even if I’m so rusty I’m not technically bilingual anymore BUT I’M SO OVER THAT.

Trudeau, Freeland, Tam, Njoo, and Ng.

Here we go, in English and in a blue suit, so mark those squares. Also the maple leaf mask is there, so get that one as well.

200,000 cases of Covid-19 have been diagnosed in Canada, which is pretty horrifying. But then, with fewer than 10,000 deaths, we do have a mortality rate among the diagnosed which is roughly 50% of the US’s, so that’s good. I’d love to ask Dr. Tam why that is, mostly because it’s a great opportunity to wave the Socialized Medicine flag.

BANG! We’re on to the Fifth Generation card right away, with a strong “Team Canada” right in the first minute. And there’s the app reference, and PPE as well. We might actually fill in a line on one of these goddamn cards some day.

Small business week is definitely your “non-religious day, week, or month”. And there’s “From the beginning”. And now we have “names a small business” and did you notice he mentioned the Vancouver business in his English remarks, but the Papineau business in his French remarks. I did. SEE I TOLD YOU MY FRENCH WAS GOOD ENOUGH! But I’m over that.

The Community Resilience Fund is of intense interest to me; radicalization has been my journalistic focus for quite some time, and I have some excellent plans for some related projects. I’ll definitely be following up on that.

And there’s your “Announces yet another way to give Canadians money” thanks to Minister Ng. Every time they do this the Conservatives die a little. And there’s the mandatory “use the app” lecture. The Roommate is very angry that a doctor at his work was diagnosed with Covid-19, but a) the app didn’t notify him, and should have if the doctor had it installed and b) I note that even though he found out about it two weeks ago HE DID NOT TELL ME gosh I hammer the capslock when I’m sleep deprived and may have been exposed to a deadly virus without my knowledge, eh?

Freeland is wearing pearls, so that’s on your Fifth Generation card.

There’s Dr Tam asking those of us on social media to share the news about these briefings and fight disinformation and misinformation BUT YOU THINK I CAN GET AN RT FROM THESE PEOPLE? Nooooooooo! But I’m over that.

On to the questions from journalists now. Trudeau KNOWS he’s going to get that bloody WE thing yet again, and doesn’t he just look thrilled about it? Oh, and there’s “Audio malfunction” so mark that off. Even the Prime Minister gets muted sometimes, it appears.

And there’s your “Drinks water” square. And of course the “WE Scandal crawls out of the grave to terrorize/bore Canadians yet again”. And there’s your “Sign language interpreters get swapped out.” And your “Mentions a reporter by name.” By golly, I think we’re going to complete a column or row in this thing pretty quickly.

And there’s “From the very beginning” yet again, so make sure you have that marked off. I think it’s on the Third Generation card.

Ottawa says no trick or treating, and the Trudeaus are huge Halloween fans, so they’re fishing around for other options. At least there won’t be any blackface this year (yeah, somebody had to be That Asshole so I stepped up and did it).

There you go, “Conspiracy Theory” is in action. Lordy, the “Covid concentration camps” thing is evergreen, isn’t it? And it’s so obviously a psyop to convince people with the disease to hide it.

And we have “someone admits they’re not familiar with what the journalist is referencing” and also “Freeland’s papers go all the way across the desk”.

Dr. Tam is really all over this “Make your own social media stuff to fight disinformation” thing, and she might actually talk me into taking OpCovid19 out of mothballs. And obviously, mark your “Vaccine” square.

And there’s Freeland with a really good spontaneous talk about systemic racism. Using the word “racist” to describe racist attacks is not inappropriate or unhelpful.

And that’s a wrap, y’all. See you…at some vaguely defined point in the future!

Beyond the Son of Under the Planet of Covid Briefing Bingo

The Covid Briefing Show, Daily Edition
The Covid Briefing Show, now daily

This is getting to be a regular thing, isn’t it? I really should invest the time in creating some new bingo cards, particularly as these have become an ensemble show rather than a solo act, but that’ll have to wait till Friday, as I’m currently editing a business book that’s due Friday and I’m only 40 pages in. Wish me luck.

Your previous Covid Briefing Bingo cards:

And here is our video for today. I was gonna mix things up and use the CBC video today, but their French translator’s mic was so low the dynamic range was annoying me, and so I switched back. Also, today I lost out on a federal government gig I could have absolutely rocked, just because I stupidly admitted I’d need a refresher course to be bilingual again, and so I’m going to test my French. So you must suffer with me, dear reader.

That is your role in this very slow-moving tragedy. To suffer with me.

And now, the video, featuring PM Justin Trudeau, Dr. Theresa Tam, and Dr. Howard Njoo, and Minister Dominic Leblanc. Why is there no abbreviation for Minister? There probably is, but it’s been hushed up. It’s Ottawa.

Again, we have “Begins in English” after a token French greeting, and this time mark the grey suit square, and a very shiny grey suit it is, too. If I still had my old tailor client I’d ask him for his professional opinion. I do like that red tie. Also check off “Wears mask” because he took it off just before the cameras rolled, and the other two just after they did. And, of course, “Namechecks Dr. Theresa Tam” because she’s right there. It’d be weird if he didn’t. And we don’t want it to get weird.

Do we?

Some of us are old pros at “weird”

There’s your “Calls someone out for bigotry” square, and if we had one you could mark the “Stern look” one as well, but we don’t. Someday in the future, dear readers, some day when I’m not procrastinating on editing a book.

182,839 confirmed Covid cases. Yeugh. At least our mortality rate is something like half the American rate. Take that, American healthcare snobs!

Oh and that was “every step of the way” so mark that one too.

And now everyone’s favourite part: the part where they talk about giving money to Canadians. Trudeau outlines the CRB, the new paid sick leave, and the caregiver supports. I did my application for the CRB, the CERB replacement, and it took about 90 seconds. Dead easy, and I didn’t need to gather a billion documents first, which is good, because although they exist, most of them are being used as bookmarks somewhere in my room right now.

And now on to business supports, which I’m frankly paying less attention to because I figure that’s capitalism’s problem.

Oh, we knew it was coming. There’s your “app” square. I did a little digging, and it’s true: the app is not a privacy-buster. Like, at all. If you’ve got an Android device, it does need your location services enabled, but that’s because Google set their operating system up that way: Bluetooth won’t work unless location services are enabled. Take it up with Google. The app doesn’t convey that information to the government: the device shares it with Google, constantly.

Minster Leblanc is going into more detail about business supports, but I’m distracted by the lighting, which made it look as if he were wearing corpse-blue gloves. I’m shallow.

And he now challenges everyone to contribute directly to their own community. A national volunteerism challenge: nice. And how fucking Canadian! What am I gonna do, now that I’m not contagious anymore and can’t deliberately infect the Q-fanciers with The Plague?

9,627 deaths from Covid-19 in Canada, Dr. Tam says. Again, that’s about half the mortality rate among the diagnosed that the US is reporting. And all this talk about Thanksgiving means mark off the “Shout-out to non-religious holiday” on the Second Generation card.

Interesting. Dr Tam takes English, Dr Njoo takes French. That’s a good A/B team. And no, I’m not still bitter about not getting a federal government job because I said my French was rusty. I’m SOOOO OVER THAT!

And on to the questions now. Will someone drink water? Gesticulate? Almost certainly, dear readers. We know our people by now. And there we go, Dr. Njoo is drinking water, he’s given you that First Generation card square!

OH MY GOD, big news, kittens! We have FLAG DERANGEMENT, I repeat: WE HAVE FLAG DERANGEMENT! See how Minster Leblanc’s flags are only kinda-sorta arranged properly? But not really? Mark that square, I thought we’d never see this day.

“WE”? AGAIN? Oh, people. The WE scandal is the Covid-19 of scandals: incredibly slow-moving, poorly-understood, politicized up the ying-yang, and excruciatingly dull. A friend was explaining the scandal to an American, who interrupted him incredulously to reply, “I wish I was Canadian.” You can tell Trudeau is SO over it.

There’s your “throat malfunction” square, for the throat-clearing. And he gives you the standard “We are focused on helping Canada get through the pandemic. The Conservatives can focus on whatever they like.”

Yes! There’s your “Shades Harper” square. It warms the frozen cockles of my heart. I hope somewhere on his home planet Stephen Harper shivers, and feels an eerie chill. Nice of that reporter to give him a chance to repeat EXACTLY what he just said in response to the previous question, in both official languages.

There’s your “Gesticulates” square, which is kind of weird, as Trudeau is gesturing to Leblanc, who is onscreen and probably can’t see him at all. But it works on video, and it counts for your Covid Briefing Bingo square, and that, we can agree, is the main thing.

There’s the “Two Michaels” square. I’d like to know which countries Trudeau means when he says we will work with “like-minded countries”. There’s at least one fewer than there used to be these days.

That’s “Pushes responsibility to provinces” if my French is any good, which IT SO IS, HIRING COMMITTEE IT SO IS! but I’m over that. It’s gonna have to be, because he’s not doing the translation into English. I may have to learn sign language to get simultranslation.

“Rapid testing” needs to be on the next square, for sure. Oh, and that’s how you pronounce “panacea.” I wondered. I got “Hermione” wrong for the first two of the Harry Potter books. Thanks, Teach.

That question was in English, but I can’t say that I understood the English. It was something about the security services. And we know quite well that Five Eyes agreements mandate things that are contrary to Canadian privacy law, so don’t try to slide that past us, Zoolander.

And the health question. I mean, you can just look at him: he could probably lead a yoga class at lunch without breaking a sweat. Trudeau confirms that he’ll let the media know when there’s something the media should know, but doesn’t say if he’ll notify them he’s GOING to be tested.

Oh, there’s your “Maple leaf accessory” as the Prime Minister leaves, putting on a new mask with a bigger, grey maple leaf. And i just noticed, the flags in the briefing room are stitched. That maple leaf is appliqued, not printed on. Hum. Your tax dollars at work.

Well, since we don’t have any more relevant squares, it’s time to call it a wrap. See you tomorrow at (checks website) not-tomorrow. Who knows when? I always like a little suspense in my assignments.

Son of Under the Planet of Covid Briefing Bingo

Only Rowsdower can save us. Well, the combined powers of Roswdower, Trudeau, Freeland and possibly Angela Merkel, together in their assembled form known as Antifa Prime.

Yes, dear readers, I am still somewhat sickish and overslept again and missed the Big-Ass Briefing on Friday with both the Actual and the Deputy Prime Minister. I have failed you. I have failed you yet again. And yet, you return.

Come. Let us be codependent together.

Because it is March 224th of 2020 and there is fuck all else to do.

Here is our video, a Big-Ass two hours long, and truly, ain’t nobody got time for that normally, but what did I just say? You can fast-forward to the juicy bits if you like, because today we’re adding the sophisticated technique of timestamping notable…uh…times. You’ll see.

Previous Covid Briefing Bingo cards:

Federal Covid-19 Briefing, October 9, 2020

0.01 I’m calling it “Begins in English” because although the first words were French, they were just basically, “Howdy, y’all” and then he got right into the content in English, so English. Quebec, you may feel slighted if you are so inclined. And we all know…never mind. As a technical Francophone, I’m not going to finish that thought.

Look at me, being so detail-oriented I put on my actual glasses. I don’t do that for everyone, dear readers. Only for you. You and Rowsdower.

Check your “blue suit” box, and, given that Rideau Cottage is off the table as a location, we don’t get to tick that box. This boring briefing room with its fancy wood walls and its carefully arranged flags is It for the time being.

Hey CPAC, do you think you might either hire someone to focus the video camera OR ease up on the Facetune? Not sure which is in play here, but c’mon, I put my glasses on and the picture got FUZZIER.

“Second wave,” there you go, mark that one off. And “app” as well. If we’ve gotten this far and it’s only 1:05, I wonder what happens the other 1 hour and 53 minutes of the briefing. We shall see, gentle readers, we shall see. At least so far we’ve gotten Stern Teacher Voice and not CBC Cadence, as we often do in these indoor briefings. It’s practically refreshing, I tell youze.

And of course, mark your “Deputy PM present” square. These briefings have the fanciest extras. And “Namechecks Dr. Theresa Tam” as well.

Wait, was that “donc?” I think it was. Mark that one off, too.

Dammit, I KNEW I should have been optimistic enough to add a square for “Finds a new way to give Canadians money” for these new business supports like the direct rent supports. Far better to give it to businesses than to landlords.

I really want to interview the person who is in charge of making sure the flags are deployed just so. I’m fascinated by things like that, that might be seen as small but have huge symbolic importance. For those who have NOT been following this blog since the year Dot, I actually did consider studying heraldry back when it was considered cutting edge social media.

Yay, foodbanks! Did you know that a food bank can turn a dollar of donation into three to nine dollars of actual food for its clients? And here we have “foreshadows later announcement by another person” for additional supports. So much money going out to provinces, territories, businesses, and food banks, that one person can’t give out all the news himself, it has to be delegated. #OnlyInCanada

That was a split infinitive the most Canadian of all grammatical errors. Somewhere, William Shatner trembles momentarily.

11:00 And now we are on the the DPM. It just occurred to me that I will need to do new, more ecumenical briefing bingo cards in the future; the ones I have are all pretty Trudeau-specific. Ah well, in the Time of the Pandemic there’s fuckall else to do.

Yet MORE supports for businesses. I almost wish I’d incorporated mine! And Freeland is giving you your “Gesticulates” square. Both PM and DPM have teacher voices, whereas Doug Ford always sounds like that guy at the Legion who always insists on being emcee, jovial and about 10% too loud and enthused.

Freeland may understand more French than me, but now I don’t feel so bad about my accent. French Canada does not have the time to pronounce each word separately: each sentence is more like one very long, annoying word.

Given that I don’t really have any applicable squares for Freeland, Tam, and the others (sorry, Others) we will skip ahead to the 53 minute mark, where the questions begin. Honestly, when the camera pulls back this looks like the world’s most dignified and staid game show. I should really just make a bunch of Covid-and-political-talking-points-focused bingo cards, because lemme tell ya, pandering to the cult of personality has NOT been paying off in terms of going viral. Is this the year issues overtake clickbait? It’s 2020, we can’t rule anything out.

And we get right into it with the question about the kidnapping plot, which Trudeau refuses to comment on, just reiterating that his role is to keep Canadians safe. How many times can one comfortably use the phrase “Keep Canadians safe” in one sentence? Because I think he’s gone over by like, three.

Ah, an excellent question about First Nations fishing rights. And your basic “thoughts and prayers” response.

I like how none of the reporters physically present want to sit in the front row.

Freeland looks like this question is absolutely straining her French, and she’s diagramming out the sentences, but she got it and I did not. And seems pleased to be able to answer without asking a translator for pointers. Oh, and she gives you not only your “gesticulates” square, but your “adjusts mic” square, so for that we should all give thanks. Is anybody going to give us “drinks water?” I have a horrible suspicion that is all happening off-camera. Readers, we are being cheated by secret drinkers! But when was that not true of Canadian politics?

Ah, there’s your “Maple Leaf Accessory” square, you can see the usual mask sitting on the desk to the right of the Canada.ca/coronavirus sign, which, meh, doesn’t rise to the level of podium dressing, so we cannot give you the “Plain podium or desk dressed up with accessory” square. That things’s always there. An accessory in this sense would be, say, a vase of flowers, a jade statue of a lion with a maple leaf inside it, bunting, ridiculous, extraneous plaques, that sort of thing. I can be a hardass; I want this bingo to be a challenge!

1:10 is that “Pushes responsibility to provinces?” I think I’m going to say yes.

1:11 I don’t know who that reporter is, but I like his voice. Wish I understood more than a third of what he’s saying, but it is what it is. I definitely get that Trudeau’s response includes “Pushes responsibility to provinces”.

Reporters are asking questions to both PM and DPM as a team. They get that these two are the Butch and Sundance, the Newman and Woodward, the Electra Woman and Dyna Girl of current Canadian federal politics. Pierre Poillievre and Erin O’Toole are, of course, the Laurel and Hardy. Maxime Bernier and Ezra Levant are the Burke and Hare. I’m probably being metaphorical here, but who knows? It’s 2020. Anything is possible (also, has anyone searched their basements? It’s a fair question!).

Interesting, the differences between the way Canada and the US are handling voting during the pandemic. Looks like we’re going to avoid a federal election, but by-elections must continue. Nobody’s trying to shut down the post office or show up armed at the voting place to discourage people exercising their civil rights and their civil responsibility.

And I’m gonna call that a wrap, except to note that as the briefing goes on, Freeland is radiating paper. Literally. As the briefing continues, more and more paper emerges from behind her little “Protect your Neighbours” sign, and is now covering the entire width of the desk. That would be a pretty good square for the fifth gen card. And looking at the level of water in her glass she HAS had some of it. So mark the “Drinks water” square. And now she mentions a reporter by name, so mark that square too! She’s a high-value Covid briefing bingo briefer!

Under the Planet of the #Covid19 #BriefingBingo

Previous Covid Briefing Bingo cards:

So, here we are again. Back to (semi-)regular briefings, and back to mid-March infection levels, or even surpassing them. What the HELL, people? This is your fault. Yes. Yes, it is.

To be honest, I have 14 first cousins, all of whom live in Ontario, my family has been here for in excess of two hundred years, and I graduated from high school here, and I can’t think of 100 Ontarians I’d care to be in close contact with. My contact list is: the dog and The Roommate. And I don’t get too close to The Roommate.

Anyhoodle, it’s time and past time to do the Briefing Bingo, so here we go.

We have, finally, a new Fourth Generation Bingo Card, featuring the well-loved “building back better” catchphrase which, if it’s anything like “from coast to coast to coast” will never be heard again. But you know what?

Here’s our briefing video for today, and the action starts at the seven-minute mark. If you’re impatient like The Roommate and just want to get to the PM, that’s 30 minutes in. The rest of the time he just hangs around being an extra.

Here we go:

Immediately we have action on the “on location” and “extras” boxes. And the Maple Leaf Accessory box, and blue suit as well.

Oooh, they have fancy mats, not just gaffer tape X’s, to mark their, uh, marks.

“Snufalupagus?” Well, you were probably close to the actual name. Even Doug Ford screwed up. And he got “Dias” wrong, and that takes some doing.

And there you go, tick off the “My aunt calls during the briefing” square.

Got to say, I’m always thrilled when an actual federal politician’s French is worse than mine. I’d get that French passport I’m always talking about, only I’m terrified they’ll speak to me in French and I’ll look like a dolt. Also must say I’m glad I don’t do these for Doug Ford, because I’d get tired of typing the word “Ontario” three times every sentence.

Kind of interesting that they’re using the Prime Minister basically as a prop in most of this briefing. And there goes the sound again. Again. Again. Again. Oh, and there’s your Doug Ford Bromance square. I put that in, right?

$295 million from the federal government, and $295 million from the provincial government to Ford. Gee, wish I owned Ford. Whatever happened to Ballard? Oh, right: Tesla killed them.

Am rather surprised that, with the federal government’s focus on standardization, they haven’t mandated official “federal government masks” complete with maple leaf and poppy for November. But there’s still time.

And there’s the “App” square! I knew it would be there. And “Contact Tracing” in spades!

Does Bains EVER blink?

And you can tick off your “gesticulates” square but not your “drinks water” square unless I missed something. Let me know.

Uh, my website is offline? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, what’s going on? It’s @wordpressdotcom, that simply shouldn’t be possible. And I doubt #BriefingBingo is THAT popular. That said hate clicks are clicks. Click away.

In the questions from media: Nice zinger there to Ford, who eliminated government supports for electric cars. Today, of course, is all about announcing Ford Automotive in Ontario pivoting to make electric cars. Trudeau took that hit for Ford (technical difficulties) Mark off your technical difficulties square.

Okay, there we go. “Shades the US” when Trudeau says he did not watch the American debates. “I don’t comment or weigh in on American political processes” and says he wants “a clean transition”. Hmmm. Hummmm. Errybody knows who Trudeau wants to win that shitshow.

That reporter sounds really nervous. Oh well, she powered through it.

AHA! There it is. “Building back better.”

Softball about the bromance between Ford and Trudeau, a great opportunity for Neoliberal centralism and commonality. Except they’re both talking at the same time. Trudeau gets the mic over his Tory best bud, of course, because Ottawa>Etobicoke. But Ford AGAIN uh, “fails to disappoint” me as much as I had anticipated. *shudders* don’t make me say that twice. Not where anyone can hear.

And “Technical issues” are certainly a square, so tick that one off. PM admitting there were issues, but we got through it anyway. Spinning straw into metaphors is a big part of the job.

And that’s a wrap. See you next whenever, or possibly several hours after the next whenever if I sleep in again.