Dear Canada, Make Me Governor-General. I Need a Job.

But like, for reals.

I have decided to run for Governor-General of Canada.

You have no idea how serious I am about moving closer to Downtown.

Not that I’m less uppity than Payette; quite the opposite. I will, without question, be the first GG in history to drop an F bomb in a throne speech. I’ll need a whole staff dedicated to preventing me from calling for firing squads on Twitter several times a day. And a fat lot of good it’s been doing anyway. You people never listen. Not to mention I’m a stone cold lefty and will just Nationalize All The Things if they leave me alone with Justin Trudeau’s laptop for fifteen minutes.

Any questions?

I mean, have you SEEN my About page (pictured above, no, really)?

Now, I know that these things are appointed, rather than voted on, but what have I got to lose? I’m currently unemployed, journalism having retracted like a hand that reached out in the darkness and accidentally touched Donald Trump, and the dog-sitting business having undergone something of a critical constriction due to that “Nobody except Conservative party lifers can go on pleasure jaunts” thing. For reasons unknown, this Communal Anarchist does not have a wide acquaintance among the Tories other than blood relatives who currently are not speaking to me for fear I’ll mention Q and say “I told you so!”

Which I totally will do, every single chance I get.

I also know that the GG does not have a “platform” per se, but have gone ahead and created one, in the interest of saving everyone time, and also to show off that I’m not afraid to do a little hard work now and again. Though I wouldn’t want it to become a habit.

Continue reading

The Wolf Covid Briefing Bingo

Good morning, Possums. We’re back, with the latest in our gamified political briefing coverage. Today’s title fits into our arbitrary, overarching nomenclature theme. So far we have had:

And here’s our video:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by federal ministers Patty Hajdu (health), Mary Ng (international trade) and Karina Gould (international development), as well as by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.

And here are the cards:

And we’re off.

Continue reading

Dark Dot Fail: Hacked, Then Back

And, after five years away recovering from The Accident, The Cryptosphere is back! With an exclusive interview with darkweb researcher DarkDotFail on how his site was stolen by hackers in a man-in-the-middle attack. And the attack was thwarted and reversed DURING the interview!

The Cryptosphere

It’s not every day that we conduct an interview which is rudely interrupted by the resolution of the entire premise of the interview, but it does happen occasionally. It happened once when we interviewed a hacktivist who had to hang up because the nurse was taking him to rehab, where he’d been put as a result of his hacking. It happened again yesterday, when we interviewed the primary journalist/researcher behind Dark.fail, a domain which they’d lost control of, and which they regained while in conversation with me. Us. Whatever.

[Hello, Officer Friendly]

Dark.fail is a website that attempts to review the reliability of various darknet sites, many of them drug-related, but many not. It is maintained by a team of fewer than a dozen activists and researchers.

On April 29th, a hacker or hackers seized control of the domain and switched it to point to a dupe of…

View original post 2,700 more words

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau speaks while taking part in a ground breaking event at the Iamgold Cote Gold mining site in Gogama, Ont., on Friday, September 11, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Nathan Denette https://www.saanichnews.com/news/trudeau-kicks-off-cabinet-retreat-warns-against-relaxing-guard-on-covid-19/

The Fool’s Gold Covid Briefing Bingo

Welcome back, Possums. We here at ye olde raincoaster blog are still unclear whether CP Style capitalizes Possums or not, but we’re feeling our collective oats today (and also our coffee, which is beans and thus protein, right? RIGHT?) so we will allow it.

Our briefing bingo today is named after our brief, shattered hope for Universal Basic Income to have been included in the budget presented by Finance Minister and Deputy PM Chrystia Freeland. And also named in accordance with our completely arbitrarily-chosen theme because it’s 2021 and everything is arbitrary. Get a massive mandate from your own party to make Universal Basic Income happen? Guess what doesn’t happen?

we shoulda known, Possums

But I’m over that.

It is definitely, positively not named after the influence mining corporations have on politicians, nope, nosirree Bob, whoever Bob is. He’s your uncle, I guess. Especially if you’re a centrist party looking for donations.

Definitely not named for that. Perish the thought! Because we all know the gold they give to political parties is all too real.

Nobody knows better than this dude.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau speaks while taking part in a ground breaking event at the Iamgold Cote Gold mining site in Gogama, Ont., on Friday, September 11, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Nathan Denette https://www.saanichnews.com/news/trudeau-kicks-off-cabinet-retreat-warns-against-relaxing-guard-on-covid-19/
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau speaks while taking part in a ground breaking event at the Iamgold Cote Gold mining site in Gogama, Ont., on Friday, September 11, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Nathan Denette

So far in our arbitrarily-chosen-theme-series, we’ve had:

Guesses in the comments section to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes. And need we even tell you they’re arbitrary? You’ll have guessed it already, you clever Possums. Or possums. Whatever.

Today we have an unexpected bonus for you: a tenth generation bingo card! Yes, we found 24 new pieces of minutiae to hunt out in these very serious and important political briefings.

It’s almost as if bringing an absurdist lens to processes and systems which expect reverence and obedience under the guise of a simple celebrity culture game allows us to question our fundamental roles, responsibilities, and rights within those processes and systems, or even to choose to define ourselves against them.

And we’re doing this from Ottawa.

When they come for me, delete my cookies, wouldja?

Our video is or will be here, and I sincerely hope CPAC got its placeholder shit together because we’d vastly prefer to keep using their videos. Oh lookie, they did. We feel our complaints reached the proper department at last. 124 watching, with five minutes to go [two hours later, only 840 views]:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by Dominic LeBlanc (minister of intergovernmental affairs), Anita Anand (minister of public services and procurement), Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.
Continue reading
that's no mushroom

The Toadstool Covid Briefing Bingo

Good rainy morning, Possums. We are coming to you live from Ottawa, although today CPAC is apparently not covering Trudeau’s briefing so we are going with the CBC video instead, as the actual PMO team doesn’t get the video up for eight or ten hours and never includes other people’s speeches or the questions from the media. This should be jarring, and bad for my French, but here goes.

If you want to take a guess at our arbitrary nomenclature convention, we’re still going. One theme unifies all our briefing titles lately and we have had:

Guesses in the comments section to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes. Our choice today is not completely arbitrary, however, as toadstools and politics could well be more interconnected than most people think. Forget mind control chips in vaccines and fluoride in the water supply: how about dosing the entire population with shrooms to fight fascism? Or at least the Alberta and Ontario legislatures?

Researchers found unlikely heroes in keeping the world from authoritarianism – magic mushrooms. Scientists from the Psychedelic Research Group at Imperial College London showed that psilocybin, the active compound in psychedelic mushrooms, makes people less likely to embrace authoritarian views like fascism and more connected with nature.

The study, authored by Taylor Lyons and Robin L. Carhart-Harris, a leading researcher in this field, shows that psilocybin treatment can lead to lasting changes in such mindsets.

that's no mushroom
that’s no mushroom

Here’s our CBC video, and I’m wondering about the backstory here. Did he piss off CPAC? Is Their Person sick today? I see they’re covering Question Period but not this. Come, let us overthink it together! [later: CPAC did in fact cover the briefing, although they didn’t have their placeholder in place on YouTube in advance like usual, and it wasn’t there five minutes into the briefing either].

The CBC does not go in for descriptive captions, they only promote their other channels.

And our Bingo cards are here. Play one or play the whole set or play a completely random and arbitrarily chosen subset, because it’s 2021 and arbitrary absurdism is where we are at now in Canadian politics.

Continue reading
Ella-Grace and Justin Trudeau from https://dad.ceo/article/exclusive-interview-with-justin-trudeau

The Kiddy Covid Briefing Bingo

Good afternoon, Possums. We were so busy doing taxes this morning that we didn’t even think to cover the Covid briefing. We didn’t even think to check if there was one, although there always is on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Possums, there was. And here it is. Action begins at the 23 minute mark, so right off the bat tick your “Begins more than ten minutes late” square:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by federal ministers Dominic LeBlanc (intergovernmental affairs), Anita Anand (procurement) and Bill Blair (public safety), as well as by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer. The previous day, the government announced that the Canadian Armed Forces will deploy medical personnel to Ontario, where hospital resources are being taxed by a surge in cases of COVID-19. The deployment of personnel comes following a formal request by the Ontario government.
Ella-Grace and Justin Trudeau from https://dad.ceo/article/exclusive-interview-with-justin-trudeau
I’m assuming this was Bring Our Daughters to Work Day

And here are our cards:

Continue reading