So, here we are once again. This time I’ve got an excellent excuse for not having live-blogged this when it happened: I was down with the flu. Well, according to the test I had on the 18th it’s not THE flu. It’s A flu.
I wouldn’t mind, but after two and a half straight weeks of fever, I haven’t lost an ounce of weight. I DEMAND TO WASTE AWAY, but only to an aesthetically pleasing extent, of course. We may be radical antifa communal anarchists around these parts, but we are not EXTREMISTS, you understand.
With that said, you’ve seen this game before. You know the rules. You’ve got your Briefing Bingo Card, your Other Briefing Bingo Card, and your Yet Another Briefing Bingo Card. Play one or play them all. Now.
All settled in your gaming chair with your gaming socks on and your gaming beverage to hand? Lucky underwear on, or at least nearby? Excellent. Let’s begin.
The video is from September 23rd, uploaded the next day on Justin Trudeau’s YouTube channel. And like with all these pre-recorded statements, we cannot see the shoes to see if he’s done the dreaded “brown shoes with blue or grey suit”, and we cannot see if he’s wearing colourful socks either. Alas!
So, off the bat we’ve got “begins in English” and “Blue suit”. And “CBC cadence”, always worse in a controlled environment without a live audience.
If you really wanna speak directly to Canadians, maybe have your team put the camera where you’re looking? Or look at your team’s camera? Or put the camera ON TOP of CPAC’s? Becayse we know that’s who you’re looking at.
Does a bank of flags count as a “Maple Leaf Accessory?” I’m gonna say yes. Tick that box. Flags, as always, folded to show exactly the same portion of the maple leaf. I should probably add a square in the next card for “flag derangement” only that’d get some poor working person in trouble for inadvertent flag anarchy, and we couldn’t do that to a comrade.
On the next card I’m gonna put “Second wave” and “Third Wave” and “Building Back Better” for sure. And, hell, “Donc.” I fuckin’ love that word.
Okay, that mention of Christmas is “Gives shout-out to religious festival” so tick that box.
God damn, I’m so punchy I forgot I was supposed to be putting this on the damn blog. I’ll copypaste later. And now, here I am doing exactly that. Did you feel the timeshift? Did you?
I think we had a “Now, more than ever” in there. So mark that square on the second generation card.
…and there’s “Mentions contact tracing” from the Third Generation card. “App” definitely has to be on the next card.
Dude, I would go get my flu shot, if I COULD EVER GET OVER THIS DAMN FLU! Stop nagging me!
And that’s “Name-checks Dr. Theresa Tam,” so mark that square on the first generation card.
And now you can all tick off “My aunt calls during the briefing”. There is literally NO hour of the day or night when this square could not be in play.
Indoor briefings have a lot less suspense. No possibility of cottonwood fluff, live animals or insects, photobombs, windswept hair, or porchscaping. I think we’ve seen the last of Rideau Cottage on these, for security reasons. Too bad, I like pretty houses and good outerwear.
There’s “PPE” from the second generation card. And what is that THING that looks like a jade lion with a maple leaf inside it? Is it…a jade lion with a maple leaf inside it? Soapstone Great Old One? Marble maple gryphon? Does it have a name? Enquiring minds want to know!
It looks like a “Seymour” to me. Please, let it be a “Seymour.”
And “ramping up” from the second generation card. Okay, that’s “Gesticulates” which I didn’t think we’d get this time. He’s much more subdued and less spontaneous without a live audience and/or members of the press right there shaking their heads and holding up flashcards that say “WE SCANDAL”.
Dang, there’s “Building back better” which I haven’t yet put on a card. Gotta get that done. Even Payette said it in the Throne Speech. It is the “From coast, to coast, to coast” of September 2020.
Okay, that verbal malfunction “Home/Hold” counts as “Throat malfunction” on the third square just because I’m feeling generous today. And bored. And punchy. That’s what happens when you’ve been up 36 hours straight.
National early childhood education and childcare, national pharmacare, social supports at a living rate across the country right through to next summer, man, the NDP should sue him for plagiarism. Not that I’m complaining. As a wise man once said, “I don’t mind the Honourable Member stealing my pajamas, but he should wear ALL of them if he does not intend to look indecent.”
And, that’s a wrap. I really liked the address to the UN so I may do that one tomorrow. We’ll see. I may just sleep through tomorrow.
BONUS CONTENT JUST BECAUSE: Justin Trudeau reacts to mean tweets.