is this:

So, not more than a half hour ago, I made myself a batch of popcorn. As I am wont to do, whenever I wont to, in fact. So I did.

So there.

And I heard, when I turned on the very noisy air popper, some banging and dragging sounds which came, I thought, from upstairs. And I thought “well, too bad. I heard you moving furniture around at four in the morning, so suck it up” for lo, I am a big meany not to mention payback specialist.

They did not come from above, methinks now, or methinks if they did it’s because he had climbed down from the roof and was

Oh, god. The cop dog just set off a skunk. Where’s the incense!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!