From the Ottawa Sun via Fark, bottom story. Um, so to speak.
BUST IN VAGINA THEFT
A 19-year-old man faces a theft charge after a hand-held vagina was stolen from an adult video store in Kingston. Police said the suspect allegedly selected the sex toy, ran from the Bath St. store and was chased by a staffer. Police found the man 10 minutes after the $80 toy was stolen. "We found him around the corner — and he had used it," said Const. Neil Finn. The toy was apparently dumped after being used and was not recovered.
You know, I was gonna make a joke about the Hand-Held Vagina, but I figured they'd never let me back on The Drive again. Probably repossess my Alanis Morrisette albums, too.
raincoaster 
A bush in the hand is better than two in the bird
And one in the White House is worst of all.
He had already used it?!? Some wild exhibitionist tendencies there.
They should have tried to sell it on eBay.
Probably didn’t want to bother calling the Hazmat team in. Ew.