I’m pleased, for example, by the fact that the gay couple who just walked by me at the Chinatown Night Market mistook…
Hang on, perhaps we need some background.
Okay, so this hasn’t been the easiest two or three years of my life. I turned 43, not much cause for celebration under any circumstances. Undiagnosed illnesses are highly inconvenient, not just because it is, under the circumstances, just as impossible to get on disability as it is to hold down a full-time job. The fact that Investor’s Group gave my father’s life savings to someone who is not a legal heir, and that I am on the hook for the whole amount if I can’t get it from them, is another energy drain. Let us not speak of the Orwellian Nightmare that is the Ministry, nor the box o’ delights that the foodbank has been known to provide from time to time (their beef stew “helps build healthy coats” according to the label).
And I got fat.
All very annoying, and not designed to have me looking my best, particularly tonight, as last night I put in a wad of deep conditioner and didn’t bother to rinse it out, thinking instead that if it worked well in five minutes it’ll totally kick ass if I leave it in for 24 hours. As well, I have finally tired of packing a caboose of this magnitude around everywhere I go and so tonight, hair frozen in greasy curls and all, I went out and got some good, old-fashioned exercise. Hey, it’s Vancouver, I figured. Everybody looks like an extra on Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
So I was not looking my very best.
And as I passed the gay couple on my way to get the $1.50 hotdog at the Market, one of them, apparently mistaking me for a junkie because of my loopily exhausted walk and personal fashion sense (still wearing the fragrant and ratty T and pants I’d gone skating in), turned to his partner and whispered, “That poor girl.”
I practically skipped home.
He called me a “girl!” I still qualify!
raincoaster 
I thought you were 9 years younger judging your picture of June 22nd. I got distracted looking up champagne prices in the L.C.B. Bible, multiplying by 2 plus 5% corkage, to comment. ( Dom -199.95; Krug -243.14; you do the math! ) It’s not just gay guys! (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
I was gonna give you 18 years, especially since I’m the same age and look 60.
Krug is $243.14 and Sanafir charges $1300? Innnnneresting, thanks for that piece of info. Must tell Raj.
Must also insist that Raj take all my portraits in the future. I look 25??? Yes, I think Raj has a permanent gig as my visual Boswell.
FE: highlights. Highlights work for Cher, they will work for you.
My head is one big highlight.
Okay, lowlights then. I forgot.
those were the circles under my eyes – guess i’m doomed to look like a not so bald . . . . Abe Vigoda?
There can be only one.
Guess I’ll have to look up a picture of FE. Most good writers are not good looking in the conventional sense. Until they are published that is!
FE put a pic up on his blog, but it was gone in a flash. He’s a stealthy one, that FE.
You know, as a post July 4 treat and as soon as I can remember how in hell I did it, I’ll post a limited edition police mugshot this very evening.
Outstanding! How much is the reward money?
It’s a misdemeanor this time – maybe 10 percent of $500 bond
Ah, that’s not worth the emailing. Are you sure you have no Enron ties?
No, but I have a couple of twist ties left from my last box of garbage bags
it’s up
figured you’d either die, scream, or go into gales of derisive laughter ;8^P
Very cute. Actually, I went out for groceries. Do you often get that response?
That people went out for groceries? Not that often, I’m afraid
A good thing. You’d be pretty chubby if every woman you met promptly hit the Safeway.
Hmmm
Got scotch?
Dude, if I could afford Scotch, would I be sober enough to blog?
Good point. Next time, I’ll bring the scotch and a sixer of Guinness
Better yet, bring the gin. I’ll bring the vermouth and lemons.
Bring the Guinness just on general principles.
And the response I usually get is “Uh oh, it’s that mofo from the newspaper. Quick, put some ground glass in his mashed potatoes.”
Okay, but just wave the vermouth bottle near the glass
Speak for yourself. I’m with Carville: “None of this ten-to-one dry routine. Bombay Sapphire gin, about four parts to one part vermouth. To me a vodka Martini is like saying a Bourbon Margarita. It doesn’t exist.”
Lloyd Grove said, “The only one that knows about Martinis is James Carville. He’s so high-strung it takes two Martinis to make him normal.”
Okay then, I’ll bring rum and a lime and we’ll have grog – compromise enough?
Gimlets!
Okay.
And you weren’t bad looking in that June 22 pic either.
Either way, it’s alcohol time!
Awwww, thanks. For me it is a runner’s high, or rather a rollerblader’s high, as I am boozeless and penniless and sick of being chubby. See y’all later.
Night’o
CUT IT OUT. GET A ROOM!!!!!!!!! LB
I always drink publicly, ma’am :8^D
Lydia, I can’t cut him off. He’s given me fifty hits today. I need to clone him!
So Americans do have some use in your world . . . eh?
Of course! Without Americans, who would make Jack Daniels?
Some calling-it-a-night, eh?
Of course I’m doing an entire style-sheet rework myself
Hey, I got my skate in. I’m about to rinse off the evidence. And then I have work to do. But meanwhile, I think I kinda sorta broke a story about Tony Blair having email months and months ago. Check out Guido Fawkes’ top story comments.
I will, and then I’m calling it a night – I’m pretty worn out on fonts, leading and the most basic instructions so a certain photographic git can’t wriggle out of his duties.
Have a good one
Fifty Hits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve had more from a “LOVER’ ” HE’S ” worn out on fonts!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Euphamism? Same age as you? Looks 60? OPPORTUNIST. DRAFT DODGER? NO MEDICAL. DROP HIM EXCEPT FOR THE SEX. LB
110 in total, actually. And married. How they like to play online…
Hah! And I tried to enlist three times but was rejected for high blood pressure. That’s probably why I could hit 110 times :8^D
Well you’ve obviously got very supple hands.
All the better to make a lime twist, my dear . . . .
What did that poor lime do to you?
By denying its pleasures it threatened me with the very real possibility of scurvy, arrrgggghhhhh.
Navy, Airforce, who can keep them straight after a few grogs, eh?
Idamned well better have kept straight while under the influence of them :8^D
I just realized this thread has gone on well past 40 hits
50 comments now. I didn’t realise the whole subject was that interesting.
And we know all about what goes on in the Forces. We read Christopher Hitchens.
The Senior Service is a manly service, for manly men with manly desires and manly attitudes
When is “Specialists Gone Wild” coming out?
So to speak…
Right after “The Machinist’s Mate”
Jake and Heath, together again!
Yep, I’d definitely pay to see that.
In Virginia, if you paid to see it, it’s a $1,000 fine . . . . oh, you meant the movie.
Never mind . . .
Did I?
well, sorry ,but no gay sex here to report
Okay. But I think for a thousand bucks it’d totally be worth it…provided it was Heath and Jake.
Or Johnny and Viggo…
Or John Stamos and Owen Wilson…
Or…
scuse me, there’s something I gotta take care of.
Please, don’t let me stop you . . . .
Wouldn’t dream of it.
Far be it from me to interfere with recreational activities