It seems somebody’s been watching too much late-night Hitchcock: Mr. Michael James Kuhnhausen is accused of hiring an incompetent hitman to off his wife. The wife was slightly injured; the hitman was strangled by the intended victim. And Mr. Kuhnhausen had better pray he remains in custody, particularly if he watched either Dial M for Murder or A Perfect Murder all the way to the end.

The AP has the full report:

Detectives said he helped disarm the security alarm at his wife’s home on Sept. 6 and let Edward Haffey in. Haffey, armed with a claw hammer, then waited for Susan Kuhnhausen to arrive home from her nursing job.

Haffey struck her several times in the head, but Kuhnhausen managed to take the hammer away, according to a court affidavit obtained by The Oregonian newspaper. Kuhnhausen lost her grip on the weapon, and wrestled with Haffey. The intruder bit Kuhnhausen several times, and she bit back.

Finally, the 51-year-old woman was able to get on top of Haffey, and place him in a choke hold. She eventually choked the life out of him…

Detectives checked Haffey‘s background, discovering his lengthy prison terms for conspiracy to commit aggravated murder, and convictions for robbery and burglary. They also learned that he had worked as a custodian for the Fantasy Adult Video stores. Detectives talked to the company and found out that Michael Kuhnhausen was the supervisor for custodians, and had hired Haffey.

And not only is the bitch tough enough to strangle an intruder to death with her bare hands and composedly finger her husband once the cops arrived, but she’s got her spiel all Oprah-ready. A nurse with lethal weapons for hands and a flack’s silvery tongue is a woman who is poised to conquer: next stop the White House?

Susan Kuhnhausen, who has been out of town attending a national Emergency Nurses Association conference, left the following message on her home voice mail:

“I’m not able to answer all the calls that I’ve received. I’m being comforted by your concern and your support. I want you to know that our lives are all at risk for random acts, but more likely random acts of love will come your way than random acts of violence.”