[::..Is Ur House Plant Plotting Sumthing Against U???..::]
*nods* yes, your plant is certainly plotting something against you, but of course we can never predict what a plant will do next, so throw it away as soon as possible… that is if it doesn’t come back, and if it DOES just burn it… toodles!
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raincoaster 
I feel that we need to be pre-emptive in this. We need to dry and burn more weeds, especially those of the cannabis family. If neccesary we should cultivate the species as broadly as possible in order to ensure a supply of burnable material.
So this is what my sweet little (cough) Raincoaster has been up to (cough) –
To quote New Jack City – Pookie, lay off the pipe!
I don’t smoke weed, not even when I had cancer; it’s too smelly, and I hate smelly things. Which is why putting up with Metro is such a burden to me.
I, on the other hand, find slime intolerable on flat surfaces. Hence my general distaste for anything involving Raincoaster.
*Kiss kiss*
Look, I sent your wife back from the coast without tentacle marks or an inexplicable penchant for midnight swims. And this is what I get for being nice to you?
Also, I haven’t been flat since I was eleven. Are you SURE you’re straight?
100%, most of the time.
Are you sure you’re curvy?
Have you considered that nifty laser eye surgery? Cuz I’m not letting you get close enough for Braille.
Wipes hand across forehead and exhales dramatically
Whew!
Dodged a bullet there.
Two, actually. More like shells.
· Maintains dignified silence
· Totally fails to mention Daisy air rifles
Oh you two! Get a room!
I can’t even afford an alley at this point. But my tits are marvelous.
Y’know what I almost said?
“So are her kneecaps, which is convenient.”
But I’m much too nice.
Too dense is more like it. I told you to kiss the TOES, stupido!
Which ones? The seven on the right foot or the four on the left? Sorry–three on the left; I keep fogetting the other one’s just another of your warts. You really have to stop gluing the acrylic nail onto it.
And honey, I’m no shrimper. If there was going to be a mouth anywhere in the region of your mossy damp extremities, it’d be because you were being lowered into the mouth of a giant shark with frickin’ lasers on its head.
Idiot, everyone knows sharks don’t eat laser-killed meat. This has gotten ridiculous; if you can’t stick to facts, you shouldn’t comment.
Sorry, I’ll stick to your warts.
And even as I posted it, O Avid Fan, I realized that I had just set her up for an off-colour adhesive joke. I pray she may be more original.
More original than you? How hard can it be?
I am wart-free. You must be confusing me with a tentacled frog. It wouldn’t surprise me, given the amount of cheap intoxicants you toss back.
It’s all a damn lie. I am being drugged by my house plants. At least, by the better ones.
And would that intoxicants were in fact cheap!
Not that it’s honestly that difficult to confuse you with a tentacled frog.
Especially with all the peyote you have lying around. Pssst, that wasn’t Pamela Anderson last week: you were making out with a beanbag chair.
I didn’t think that that was P.A.–I thought it was you.
I should have known something was up. There seemed to be more passion there than usual. But I did wonder why you had all those styrofoam peanuts down your cleavage.
I figured you’d gone back to padding yourself out.
No, that would be you. It’s easy to tell because I’m the one who rejects you when you’re feeling amorous. You, on the other hand, reject no-one.
And there is a truly evil joke I could make at your expense here, but I don’t want you to go totally apeshit. It does nothing for the hits, you see.
Touchy, aren’t you?
Well it’s a slight improvement on clingy.
Amorous? Possibly, but I’ve always thought the better word was “charitable”. And I don’t go “apeshit”. How can you say that after this pleasant little chat we’ve been having?
Anyway, I have to go and do some work today. Play nicely!
Indeed. I don’t suppose you have an alibi for the night Karla Homolka got impregnated? That would be about nine months and three days ago.