No, seriously. That’s really funny if you know your Squid and your modern quotations.
Well, the Kiwis have finally done it: landed the Calamari Colossal, the King of Squid, or perhaps we should say the Prince Consort of Squid, the female of the species being deadlier, weightier, and – er – sizier than the male in the case of the Colossal Squid, Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni.
New Zealand Fisheries Minister Jim Anderton said the squid, weighing an estimated 450 kilograms (990 pounds), took two hours to land in Antarctic waters.
The fishermen were catching Patagonian toothfish south of New Zealand “and the squid was eating a hooked toothfish when it was hauled from the deep,” he said.
Colossal squid, known by the scientific name Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni, are estimated to grow up to 14 meters (46 feet) long and have long been one of the most mysterious creatures of the deep ocean.
Archie hints that servants of the Elder Gods are behind a sinister plot…indeed, who is to say that the Great Cthulhu did not send his minion to reel in some Kiwis, but was instead distracted by the toothsome toothfish and, while so distracted and munching thereupon, hauled ignominiously to the surface and then tossed in the freezer with the rest of the entrees-to-be.
Oh how the mighty have fallen. It is interesting to note that the YouTube videos feature names like “Huge Colossal Squid Caught,” as if there were a smaller kind of, uh, Colossal Fucking Squid, say the Moderately Colossal Squid or the Petite Colossal Squid. Or just the Coloss-ish Squid.
Video of this unmistakably Colossal Colossal Squid after the jump. And thanks to everyone who prodded me to blog about this, starting with Juvenal, Timethief, and Archie. As Juvenal remarked in the comments section on this very blog, it’s a strange and interconnected world we live in when a British man wakes up, checks BBC, and the first thing he thinks to do is email a Canadian he’s never met about some Antarctic squid.
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raincoaster 
You are so right. This is an amazing medium. However, Australians do not believe a word any Costello utters for talking about a politician is like unto dancing about spermish whales.
New Zealanders, being themselves, will not share the calamari windfall. I shall continue my external course in marine biology at U Miskatonic.
Much better than the internal course, although we shall all in due course be swallowed alive by the Great Cthulhu when the Earth is cleared off. Boy howdy, I can hardly wait!
Every last New Zealander is now petrified that we will be the frontline of the coming annihilation.
What if this was just a scout? A diversion while the main force performs a flanking manoeuvre through Cook Strait and attacks Wellington directly? Or have we now raised the Great One’s Ire?
Having said that, it would likely take the world a few weeks to notice our absense, should we be unexpectedly devoured from below, though my first duty should be to blog an emergency post warning the free world should I have time.
For what little good that might do.
In the meantime perhaps I will try and get some of that Calamari windfall. Perhaps if I ask for my tax refund to be in Calamari…
Don’t even think about it. One bite will introduce a poison to your bloodstream and the next thing you know you’re sprouting gills and taking midnight dips in the ocean. Send my love to Y’ha-nthlei.
Hmmm.
I hear chicks dig gills. Maybe it would be worth it.
Maybe I could become a tentacle pornstar! I’m going to need a cool porn name.
Hello newfound fame!
Here you go:
http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/4216/
Pingback: Tentacle Pornstar Name Challenge! « Envelope Filter
That link was rather entertaining. However, it does not cater sufficiently to my Tentacle Porn niche! This needs urgent attention! The needs of the tentacle porn industry may be going unmet!
I’m running another Challenge over at mine! Hit the trackback for more…
With any luck, this is going to get messy.
Agreed, it was totally insufficiently tentacular. I shall follow the trackback with baited (!) breath.
That was even a porn reference, right there in the parenthetical. It’s a NSFW angle of a Tinkerbell upskirt shot.
Actually, we don’t know what sex this colossal squid is. It is one of the purposes of the dissection that is going to happen next week. More info can be found on our website: http://www.tepapa.govt.nz/squid/ and of course, on our blog :)