Lock up your rectums!
Charges have been dropped in the sixth trial against Tammy Jean Warner of Texas City, Texas (where else, I ask you?) aka the Sherry Enema Poisoner aka Black Widow Amontillado in the case of the…uh…sherry enema poisoning death of her husband, Michael Warner, rumoured sherry enema (if not poisoning) enthusiast.
Despite the undisputed facts that he had a blood alcohol level of 0.47, that it was obtained through the use of a sherry enema (I want to know what brand…really, 0.47? Sounds like a party to me!) that he died thereof, that there was no-one in the home but the sherry enema abuser and his wife, and that the enema was not self-administered, the case was dropped for” lack of evidence.”
Perhaps OJ will put this on his list of “real killers” to look for.
Now, think for a long, sphincter-tightening moment about the whole phenomenon of sherry enema poisoning.
First of all, given that sherry is about 14% alcohol, which I knew off the top of my head (hi Lydia!) and no, it’s not unusual…everybody knows that stuff… and that there are about 5 litres of blood in the average male…unless I’m drunk myself (never safe to bet against, as regular readers will know) that is about 0.1175 litres of pure alcohol, which could be obtained by absorbing 100% of the booze in 0.83928571428571428571428571428571 litres of your common-or-garden sherry, or about one and a quarter bottles. Which, at $18.99 for a 750 ml bottle of Tio Pepe, is nobody’s idea of a cheap way to get high/dead.
Second, sherry has been known as a deadly threat for years. YEARS. Why isn’t this a controlled subst- okay, why isn’t it a MORE controlled substance? Eh? I ask you that. Even Edgar Alan Poe wrote a cryptic warning, perhaps (from what I hear of his habits) himself all too familiar with the sinister beverage’s deadly effects, although there are no eyewitness reports that he was a particular enema buff, some slashfic notwithstanding.
Third, if he was deliberately trying to kill himself, why couldn’t he simply have done as thousands of sherry enthusiasts through the ages have done and wait for the next morning’s hangover? Believe me, motivation for self-annihilation is never stronger than in the throes of a truly epic sherry hangover.
Not that I would know anything about that.
raincoaster 
Let’s hope this doesn’t become a trend and they start selling sherry in bottles tapered to a point.
I just know that among a certain circle there would be a market for that.
OMG, now we know who buys Galliano!!!
Maybe they should be offering coupon deals with K-Y or Astroglide. I tell you, there’s a market gap to be filled everywhere you look.
This is true, this is very true; they could do those little travel sizes of tubes attached at the neck like you sometimes see vermouth on a gin bottle.
But I’m never touching Galliano again as long as I live.
Well, this goes a long way to explain Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons . . . .
OK, either he let her pump a bottle and a half of sherry into him, or she spiked it with Everclear or something…
A bottle and a quarter. I went to all that trouble with the math!
Shows imagination and a fun approach towards a dirty job.
My last hangover was at a friends party where my glass was frequently filled as if by magic while I made an effort to chat to the other guests (I’m rubbish at small talk, it takes all my concentration to appear interested in soft furnishings and not glaze over so I invariably change the conversation to politics and watch them glaze over instead) My friends thought my hangover a hoot and great entertainment. I told the frequent filler that if I want to chat to people who don’t care about me and who are happy to see me suffer in future I’ll join a bus que.
Indeed, the sherry hangover brings out the homicidal in everyone.