Yay! Mother would be so proud! I’m so glad I wasn’t something banal like gingivitus or hammertoes. No, this and only this is worthy of the raincoaster brand, I think we can all agree!
Congratulations, you’re ebola!
You start, innocently enough, with a headache; a fever; chills. Nothing special. Might as well be the flu. But that is only the beginning.
You move on through the unpleasant symptoms list, inducing vomiting, abdominal pain and diarrhea. You start to shut down the kidney and liver, and start to cause bleeding both internally and externally, with little or no clotting. Finally, the patient crashes and bleeds out, in a veritable explosion of blood. Anyone who has contact with that blood, or any of the patient’s body fluids while s/he is infected, is also liable to get you. Now that’s what I’m talking about!