I’ve seen it a billion times. You’ve probably seen it a billion times. If you haven’t, I encourage you to ask yourself if you have enough friends and if anyone truly loves you; the forwarded email joke is the red rosebud of our time. Like not receiving the iloveyou virus, being left off the fwd list of the latest e-fwd is the cyberquivalent of being the wallflower at the highschool dance, propping up the concrete blocks of the gym, making small talk with the history teacher and bitterly regretting letting your mother talk you out of the belly shirt and into the floral buttondown.
So now, without further ado, we present, all the way from Slovenia, the International Terrorist Alert Level Chart. Note, if you will, the special bonus definitions at bottom; this is how 
you can tell it’s really from Slovenia. That and the addition of America; when the list was first circulated, that was one country left off, since not only did the list originate there, but also they have a perfectly good joke terrorist alert list which is issued every day from the White House. Woz is in the details.
International Response to Terrorism
As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The normal level is “General Arrogance”, and the only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.
It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”.
The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdain” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. They have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone from “Isolationism” to “Find Another Oil-rich Nation for Regime Change”. Their remaining higher alert states are “Attack Random Countries (Ideally Those without Any Credible Military)” and “Beg the British for Help”.
The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the Blitz in 1940, when tea suppplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been recategorized from “Tiresome” to “Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.
Miff – offend
Peeve – irritate
raincoaster 
The best one is the MUSLIM OFFENCE LEVEL. It’s priceless, and the best part is that it was written by a Saudi Arabian gentleman of the Muslim faith. Praise God at least one Muslim has a sense of the ridiculous!
See
http://muttawa.blogspot.com/2006/01/cartoons-offense-level-raised.html
Just to remind you what the various levels mean:
LOW
Meaning – We are slightly miffed, although we are not sure why. We think we are not as popular as we would like to be.
Non-Muslim response – Tread very carefully and do not offend us
Consequence of non-compliance – We will get very cross and stamp our feet
GUARDED
Meaning – We are quite offended, because people are generally picking on us.
Non-Muslim response – Stop making jokes about us
Consequence of non-compliance – We will rant on about “Islamophobia” and “Orientalism”, although we don’t understand what those words really mean
ELEVATED
Meaning – We are definitely cross, because people keep blaming us for 9/11, Parisian cars getting torched, Saudi women getting stoned
Non-Muslim response – Pretend that these things have nothing to do with Islam or Muslims, tell everyone how we brought algebra to 9th Century Spain
Consequence of non-compliance – We will cause even more mayhem. Did you leave your car out in the street?
HIGH
Meaning – We are extremely offended by a particular individual or country
Non-Muslim response – That individual or country must apologize
Consequence of non-compliance – Individual; Fatwa, assassination, or both. Country; Boycott (unless you export things the Saudi Royal Family are consumers of), and Saudi newspapers write a long string of boring and repetitive articles that you will never read but will drive Saudi readers to distraction.
SEVERE
Meaning – We have had enough of your rudeness and ridicule and have gone completely ballistic
Non-Muslim response – We demand that the Pope and President Bush go down on their knees and apologize personally for every rude thing that everyone has ever said about us over the last 1400 years, and promise that it won’t happen again
Consequence of non-compliance – We will cease the export of oil, therefore depriving the numerous Saudi Royal Family of all income, we will cease the import of all cars, tanks, airplanes (military and civil), computers, building technology, infrastructure and general professional expertise, and we will stop visiting Western fleshpots like the South of France, the USA, London….. Honest. We will. We really mean it this time. Just you wait. We really will. You better believe it. We’re not kidding. We’re telling you. Honest. Don’t make us do it…..
I think England’s at High now. But seriously, who thought there were any Muslims in Denmark? If they’d only known…