The other day I was walking home along the Drive, and, as I walk pretty snappily, I was passing saunterer after saunterer. If they can put fast and slow lanes in the swimming pool, why can't they put them on the sidewalk for god's sake? Instead we have the morass lane, the poleaxed tourist lane, the distracted lovers' lane, and the fat lazy grampa in a scooter lane all rolled into one. And, because it's the 21st Century and nobody grows up anymore, we have the skinny grampa on a motorized skateboard or Segway lane as well. It's all I can do not to kick them into traffic.

So I was walking down the street, enjoying the sunshine and the feeling of the wind as it whipped past my shoulders at high speed. And ahead, I saw what I refer to as an "ambulatory landscape feature" ie someone walking more slowly than I. He was dressed all in camo, from his head to his foot, and you could tell, heavy weight on his style he did put. A manpurse of nylon he had slung on his back, and his pants were so low I do swear I saw crack. His boots, how they clompéd, his laces untied. You could tell this fat mofo was a man of some pride.

As I passed, I deliberately bumped into him.

"Sorry," I said. "Didn't see you there."

I don't think he got it.