I have no idea where that image came from, but it’s an invaluable warning. Click here for a more detailed version. Not all cultures are familiar with the terminology “cougar” but I assure you that you know the type. Think Joan Collins as fortysomething divorcee, only without the fame, career, or money. Think leopard-print halter top over pressed jeans. Think expensive bag and shoes, fruity, mild-tasting cocktails with a nonetheless lethal kick, eg Cosmos. Really old cougars drink rum & diet coke, and would drink it straight from the bottle if it came like that.

The natural habitat of the cougar is the bar rail, just before closing time, and they can often be found at Dicks on Dicks, the Roxy, and anywhere with an Eighties night, where they will try not to show they know the words to every song.

While Vancouver is a known cougar-friendly habitat, South Oregonians are taking the situation into their own hands.

Sally Mackler, wildlife chairwoman for the Oregon Chapter of the Sierra Club, said she’s sympathetic to residents who’ve had run-ins with cougars, but rural residents have to learn to deal with the risks.

“It’s a UFO, Elvis-sighting kind of thing,” she said. “Cougars haven’t killed or attacked anyone locally.”

Yet.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::