such as it is. Here's a roundup of good advice, should some unfortunate friend of yours (and here we are naming no names) be detained by the criminal investigators of your general locale. How to help a friend who gets arrested. No reason I mention it here…
How to Help a Friend Who Gets Arrested in the Middle of the Night
It is 2 AM and someone you love has just been arrested. You know you need legal help. You do not want your loved one to make a confession or be in a line-up or even get fingerprinted if it can be avoided. It is tough to know what to do or who to trust. Moreover, you do not know who will even answer the phone at that time of day. Here is what you need to know if this happens in the United States of America.
Steps
- Find out where they are being held and by what police agency. Whether you get the call from a police officer or your loved one, make sure that this is the first thing you ask. If you can, tell your friend or family member that you are finding him a lawyer and not to answer any police questions until the lawyer arrives. Your friend MUST invoke his rights himself. If you tell the detective not to talk to your friend (or loved one) without an attorney, he'll laugh at you. Only the arrested subject can invoke his rights.
- Ask what the charges are and what time the arrest was made. Do not let your loved one tell you what happened. The call is not privileged and it can, and probably will be, recorded by police for later use against your loved one. They should just tell you the actual charge. If they cannot tell you without explanation, tell them that it doesn't matter, and continue to step three below. If the arrested is an adult, the police are not required to tell a friend or family member anything.
- Tell your loved one not to make any statement or take any test and tell them you are getting a lawyer and not to do or say anything until they hear from that lawyer. (In some states, you have a very limited time or no right at all to contact a lawyer regarding alcohol testing. If you don't know, ask the officer.)Only the arrested subject can invoke his rights, you can not do it for them.
- Select a criminal defense attorney. See the related wikiHow's below for steps to take in finding one. Keep calling lawyers until you find one that either answers their phone or has an answering service that can reach them anytime, day or night.
- Tell the lawyer that your friend is arrested and give as much information as you can. Ask that they immediately call the stationhouse and stop your friend from being questioned. Many lawyers will do this for free, but expect to pay at least $150-350 for that call.
- Gather as much money as you can to both pay the lawyer in court and to post bail. It is more important to get a good lawyer into the case early than to immediately get your friend out of jail.
Tips
- Always keep about $500-$1000 available without having to go to the bank. Most minor crimes and traffic violations can be bailed out from the stationhouse through the use of a desk appearance ticket or a desk sergent's bail.
- Do not feel obligated to stay with the lawyer who helps you the first night. Selecting a lawyer for a case long-term should be done with the accused person's participation. Tell the lawyer you found that you are using him for the purpose of securing your loved ones rights only for the night in question. Do not sign a long term retainer.
- Any legal fee for standing in at arraignment should either be a flat fee or should be hourly. Again, most criminal defense attorneys will charge between $150-$350 per hour. It will cost more in many big cities or urban areas. For example, many well known NY lawyers charge upwards of $600 per hour.
- You do not have to use the lawyer that helps you get your loved one for arraignment. A free lawyer is often available. However, it is better to have your own lawyer at arraignment if you can.
- If you run into trouble finding out where your friend is being held and by what police agency, get ahold of a bail bondsman (see link below, how to make bail) as they are experienced at this, and can sometimes locate your friend faster than you using the same resources.
Warnings
- Police do not have to "give you your rights," and their failure to do so does not invalidate an arrest. They only have to give you your rights if they (a) arrest you and (b) ask you questions about the crime. Hence, tell your friend who is under arrest to plead the fifth.
- An oral statement is just as bad as a written statement. It is always best to say nothing.
- Do not worry if you cannot find an attorney to represent your friend in court without being retained. Some courts will not let a non-retained lawyer stand in at arraignment. The court must provide an attorney at an arraignment if one is requested, or give the accused time to retain someone before he is arraigned.
- There are times when the best thing you can do for your friend or loved one is to let them deal with the consequences of their actions on their own. Spending a night in jail can be a real wakeup call for someone who is in need of a wakeup call.
Related wikiHows
raincoaster 
Of course, if you’re VP of the USA and you shoot someone in the face, none of this applies. When law enforcement shows up you tell them to piss off, AND THEY DO!
“”Here’s my favorite part of this whole incident. After Cheney shot the guy, the police later showed up at the ranch where Cheney was staying and wanted to talk to him, but was told to come back the next morning. And that’s what they did, they came back the next morning. Kev, that ever happen in the hood?”
— Jay Leno
From About.com, unfortunately.
Precisely. As I continually point out, donating $5,000 a year to the Republicans is obviously insufficient to prevent your being shot by the Vice President. Obviously, he should send a little note around listing the floor for acceptable donations. It would have saved a lot of trouble and prevented a lot of monologues.