For lo, we are an equal-opportunity gonad-make-funner here on the raincoaster blog.

Ya just can’t get a better headline than that one, eh? So I stole it wholesale from Gawker, who did this report pointing to a New York Observer piece on a cosmetic …penologist? who works his sexy magic with whatever bits of Alastair Cooke he can get on the black market out behind Dino’s.

In the name of enlargement, he’s prepared to sever its ligaments, yank it further out of your groin, inject it with fat, and wrap it an am empowering sheath of dead flesh. Not girthy enough? Fear not:

Right now, there are two methods of adding girth to a penis: injecting fat, or wrapping the penis in layers of cadaver skin.

Both have drawbacks, in that the body would like to absorb both fat and skin. Even corpse skin.

So in a way, your significant other gets to engage in a threesome that’s (at least) one-third necrophillic.

Cue the Lovecraft…ah, that’s how he got the name. I gets it now.