It’s true, what CollegeHumor says: spammers give the best advice. Their missives are, in their incontrovertable wisdom, akin to the Dufflepuds Chorus in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (we are all about the literary allusions lately!) in their perfect logic. “Getting dark now. Always does at night. When a chap’s hungry, he likes some vicutals,” etc, etc.

I challenge you to take issue with any of these pearls of wisdom all the way from Nigeria:

1nvest N0w? WHhy Wait@!?

Laadies luve AMan Wit4 hge p3nis!

Don1t st0p! She’s loves 1twhen U cumm h4rd!

Bigg moneys 1n #oils in ur fture. Reed mure!

Viiagr4 make grrrrls yip with JOy@:0

Deliciblle excotic l4dies wiithh^ titt5 lik3 huugge d1cks(,<

f33l btter% with moore h^air! roggaine Che3ap!$$$

Hi honey, it’s Mom. You should call your sister. She misses you.