Leslie Hall: the whitest woman in rap

Gawd help the gene pool if she teams up with Mr. White and Nerdy; she so white she make him look like Jay-Z. Here, via the superfantastic Manolo, is Leslie Hall‘s rap in praise of gem sweaters. And the bedazzlers of the world give thanks…and the rest of us run for the exits. The glasses…the beehive…the ill-fitting lamé…spandex is a privilege, people, not a right! I think I’m going to need to wear matte black Gucci for three solid days just to cleanse myself psychically after watching this suburban goddess’ soul cry.

If only I could afford Gucci

and from the comments of the Manolo:

As a woman whose sainted mother-in-law ran a successful knitshop in Chicago for thirty years & more, I am conflicted upon viewing this video. Surely the woman has swallowed a sequin topped with LSD or absorbed some ecstasy-producing dye from the purple angora. I am all for creativity, and encourage even more silly dancing, singing & outrageous sweaters for the delight of the snowbound &/or snowblind of any sort. As for the gold lame w/insignia divulging areas of anatomy better kept en matte, I am left totally speechless.

Lyrics over the jump:

Keeper of the gems I am
With the power to rock your body as i jam
(Can you feel me flowing inside your skull?)
I have a razor ball of lightning, striking your mind
Flowing at all times

Wear your Gem Sweaters
(To dominate your mind)
Night or day you must run away from
The people who disagree with this gemology

I’m shizzling dazzling dreaming the night away (away)
When I walk in a room I start to dazzle
Dreams will come true they start to razzle
As they dream of me now (now again they flow)
People watching people watching sweaters
It feels so much better to you
Won’t you join the crew

And wear your Gem Sweaters

Day or night (night and day)
When you’re riding your bike (all the way)
You crave to touch
You want to hold it so much
You yearn you burn with desire
Your pants are on fire
You wish you could hold them you mold them

Gem gem gem gem gem gem gem gem sweater

You see me now I’m like a fireball
Gem gem gem gem gem gem gem gem sweater
With these shoulder pads I have the strength
To destroy villages homes and crops

They’re coming back (say what say what)
They want your babies (junior gems junior gems)
Put them on (what what?)
You lovely ladies
Wear your Gem Sweaters


19 thoughts on “Leslie Hall: the whitest woman in rap

  1. Check out her files on YouTube. She is terrifyingly prolific.

    But seriously, I just got back from Suburbia. I nearly died from calico overdose! Not to mention oversized glasses…and I will never look at wide-wale courduroy the same way again.

  2. Um..guys. That was my audition tape for Canadian Idol. Why are you trying to hurt me? That took me weeks. *slow tear*

  3. Pingback: hamsterdance: the gay porn version! « raincoaster

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