By those musical greats, the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre!
Also posted by Collin over at Cornell Finch.
Unintelligible, mangled, “r”-rrrrrollin’ lyrics decoded after the jump.
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Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
Nooo escape froom reality
Open yer eyes
Look up tae the skies and see
Ahm jist a puir boy, Ah need noo sympathy
Because Ah’m easy come, an Ah’m easy go
A leettle high, a leettle low
Anyway thae wind breaks, doesna really matter tae me, tae me
Mither, ah just kilt a man
Pu’ a gun against his heid
Pulled mah trigger, noo he’s deid
Mither, life had just begoon
Noo ah’ve gone an threwn it all awaeee
Mither, ooo
Didna mean tae make yae cry
If I’m not back again this time the morrow
Carry on, carry on, because it doesna really ma’er
Too late, my timer’s gone
It’s sendin’ shivers down my spine
Mah body’s aching all the time
Goodbye everybody – I’ve got to mooove, that’s me, Ah’m up the rood
Gotta leave you all behind and face the troooooooooth
Mither, ooo –
I doeen wanna die
I sometimes wish I’d never been born a’ all
I see a little silhouetto of a manny
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and Lightfoot – never very frightening tea
Scallileo, Scallileo,
Scallileo, Baminega,
Faminega Bigaro – magnifico
Ahm just a puir boy and nobody loves me
He’s just a puir boy from a puir family
Spare him his life and his pork sausages
Easy come easy go – will ya let me go
Mitch Miller! No – we will not let you go – let me go
Mitch Miller! We will not let ye go – let me go
Mitch Miller! We will not let ye go – let me go
Will not let ye go – let me go (never)
Never let you go – let me go
Never let me go – ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no –
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub‘s go’ a deil pu’ aside for me
for me
for me
Sae yae think yae can stone me an’ spit in my pies
Sae yae think yae can love me an’ leave me tae die
Oh baby – ye cahn’t do tha’ tae me baby
Just gotta get out – just gotta get rrrright outta here
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone cahn see
Nothing really matters – it doesna really matter tae me
Anywae the wind blows…
raincoaster 
Mitch Miller! Ha!
Is it true that they released Trainspotting in the US with subtitles?
I have no idea, but I DO know that they changed the name of The Madness of George IV to The Madness of King George because Americans would have assumed it was a sequel.
Ha! Though in fact it was The Madness of King George III (fabulous film!). But yeah, people might have headed out to the local video store to find the two previous films.
They also changed Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone for the US market – duh?
D’oh! Wasn’t it George IV who talked to trees and thought he was a penguin? The only George I can keep straight is Stephanopoulos.
That whole Sorcerer’s Stone thing makes NO sense. I mean, aren’t the Christian fundies at LEAST as anti-Sorcerers as they are anti-philosophers?
Thing is … the Philosopher’s Stone actually gives a fundamental meaning to the story. The Sorcerer’s Stone just has the word Sorcerer in it.
“The only George I can keep straight is Stephanopoulos.”
And perhaps George Clooney? Though one does wonder if he’s actually straight…
GASP!!! YOU MUST NOT SAY SUCH THINGS!!!
I know a few people in Hollywood and they say if George has a problem it’s that he just totally likes to roll around naked with cheap women. At All Times. How is it that Collin Farrell is the only one to get a bad rep?
As for wee Georgie Stephanopoulos, the gays have been gossipping for years but they haven’t found anything. I think they just look at him and think the same as I do: he’s just to PRETTY to be straight!
And Clooney looks like a Ken Doll.
Doesn’t he just? You gotta admit it. That chiselled chin, the tight firm lips, the almost too-low hairline . . .
Yes, he does. That’s one of the things I like about him: he looks so damn perfect, especially in a tux. Ocean’s 11 was soooooo purty.
The film I saw in North America with subtitles was “The Full Monty”.
You’ll want to see this:
https://raincoaster.com/2006/08/12/hope-for-late-bloomers-everywhere/
The Full Monty had subtitles? How difficult is it to translate “Disco Explosion”?
“The film I saw in North America with subtitles was “The Full Monty”.”
Seriously??? That’s pretty funny. In a sad kind of way.
“Ocean’s 11 was soooooo purty.”
Ah, that must have been the reason it didn’t bother with plot, acting and such… ;)
Neither did the original, so it’s tradition!
I rented “The Full Monty” for sharing with a then-girlfriend. She made me turn it off after ten minutes, whining that she “couldn’t understand the accent” (read: wasn’t willing to try).
I saw it with subtitles in a truck stop in Tennessee or Mississippi about a year later, on TBS or something.
I watched “Billy Elliot” on CBC. I found it a little tougher going, but you could watch that show with the sound off and fully understand it. Again, when I spotted it in the US, it had subtitles–for the five minutes I saw before some damn cracker insisted on putting “Armageddon” on again.
But I’ve got Lanky roots. Accents don’t scare me. Even Welsh ones. I think it’s different for many people, especially if you grow up believing that England is covered with horse-riding twits who replace their “r”s with “ah”s. Especially when you’re confronted with someone speaking Lanky or Yorkie English.
I found Billy Elliot tough going but only because I was just waiting for Granny to be raped and beaten, as always seems to happen in those gritty working-class British films. Sure, someone can make it out of the gutter, but not before some granny-rapin’.
Is it true that they released Trainspotting in the US with subtitles?
Oh I do hope so. I thought I was a complete fucktard for not understanding what the hell was going on. Of course, the bathroom scene..well, that was universal.
How about Snatch?
Even worse.
Have you seen your gynecologist about it?
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Hello. We’re the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre.
And so am I.
And so is he. And we’ve only just found this link to our video. Thanks, it’s brilliant and flattering. You transcribed us! Wow.
There’s something missing. At some point one of us definitely sings “mither, oh michty me” –
Oh, and it’s “beelzebub has a devil for a sideboard, wee / board, wee / board wee.” Though we’re amazed anyonoe has ever listened for that long!
If you liked that, you might like this:
Cheers
the Socks
Wow, a celebrity visit!
I shall have to work my way up to Chuck Berry as interpreted by hebridean sock puppets. As you can see, my Canadian accent gets in the way of interpreting the classic Hebridean correctly. Thanks for the correction and the pointer to the next. I’ve also got your Darlek video around these parts somewhere.
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pile of pish
Language!
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