As the dreaded holiday season approacheth, more and more of us will be taking to the skies in a desperate attempt to put in brownie point-garnering facetime with relatives whose very existence is the bane of ours. Just die already and leave me the pearls and the cottage, dammit!
Naturally, airplanes stuffed with hundreds of passengers with nothing in their future but a potentially-fatal planeride and said facetime with relatives are going to be tense environments, places where we should all be a little more considerate and take a little extra care not to offend. Especially the rentacops.
Rakish Hollywood idol Alan Cumming offers a handy tip to ensure your trip is as smooth and un-cringifying as humanly possible; as a recovering Englishman, Cumming is somewhat of an expert on the subject of embarrassment, so his wisdom is to be treasured and passed on from generation to generation, at least until men start wearing kilts again.
from AgentBedhead:
“I always think the pressure on planes gives you a hard-on,” he mused. “My friend I was just working with said that when he goes to sleep, he always puts the table out in case he gets a hard-on whilst he’s asleep. That’s a very good tip for your readers if they want to avoid embarrassment on a plane.”
raincoaster 
… and harrasment by the Fatherland Insanity Department, who are known for their odd gun, leather, and crotch fixations.
As a matter of fact, isn’t there a missing tag on this post?
I don’t have a tag for crotch fixations, Metro. May I borrow yours?
Really? You don’t have a tag for your favourite hobby?
Strange, this world we live in … I mean, the world those of us out here live in. You’re kind of on your own.
if ONLY I were…
The voices in your head don’t count.
What about the one in my living room, nattering on about the philosophical impact of psyllium smoothies?
Actually, you know, I’ve been wondering about that. I mean, I’ve never seen this alleged room-mate. Mme Metro says she hasn’t either.
The only time you’ve claimed we were in the same room together you pointed to a rumpled heap of blankets which I merely attributed to your usual um, distracted housekeeping style.
It occurs to me that I’m addressing this comment to a person who might possibly not be playing with a full deck of marbles, get my drift?
You aren’t subtle enough to drift, sweetie: you lumber.
Well, one must suit the communication to one’s reader …
>mwah<
Is that Alan’s Christmas card? Brilliant.