A Hairy Tale

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which is distinct from a shaggy dog story.

Here is how you spend three day’s pay and four and one-half hours at the hairdresser and leave looking almost exactly the same as you looked when you walked in.

Ginger Spice. Hey, she looks a LOT like me in that pic!

I was going for the Full Ginger Spice look: vibrant copper with golden blonde highlights. Right now, my hair is a dark reddish-brown, which is only because it sucked up too much dye when I did it myself, and narsty blondish roots with ahem “natural platinum highlights,” which is only because I’m old.

Well, it seems, from doing some internettary research, that Feria, the dye I used, is notorious for Never. Coming. Off. And it’s too dark, so it MUST come off, so I knew I needed professional help. Snark away in the comments section if you must.

I waited and saved and finally made an appointment with a professional I thought was pretty good.

She did my highlights gold, and they were fabulous. Then, leaving the highlights in foil to protect them from the red she did the roots in copper.

Then I sat while that took.

Then she “emulsified” the dye at the roots and combed it through the hair so the ends would pick up the copper colour.

Then I sat while that took.

Then she washed it out and added a glaze to smooth the cuticle.

Then I sat while that took.

Then she washed it out and realized that my roots were bright copper, like rip your eye out copper which was what I went in there for, but the rest of the hair was the same damn colour it had been before.

Then she puzzled and puzzed and finally decided to re-dye my hair from scratch, only pushing the highlights to one side, so they got some of the red on them and became, therefore, slightly less fabulous.

Then I sat while that took.

Then she rinsed it out and she realized the roots were too bright still relative to the still-dark ends, so she put a different, browner glaze on to tone the roots down which had the unfortunate side effect of darkening the highlights as well.

Then I sat while that took.

Then she rinsed it out and blowdried my hair and there it was, the same damn colour as it had been before, only more expensive.

UGH.

Now I have a choice: she offered to fix it for free, IF this colour indeed will come off at all, something science has yet to establish. We may need to stick my head in the Cyclotron to get rid of it. But the hair has been through so much I don’t want to put it through this follicular Abu Ghraib again, lest it begin to fall out, snap off, or turn green out of spite. Even now, my head literally hurts from the chemicals. I mean, she was nice enough about it, and I’m sure she’ll do what it takes to put it right, but this whole thing just does not take me to my happy place.

If this is what it takes to be a redhead, is that where they got the expression “blondes have more fun?”

64 thoughts on “A Hairy Tale”

  1. Oh, my goodness. After all that, how can you even find your happy place, let alone be taken there?

    The first time I got a perm — think 1980’s hair, but not as big as Melanie Griffith’s at the start of Working Girl — they tucked me into a corner while it did its thing. I had no idea how long it was supposed to take, but after three hours..yes, hours..I asked “Am I done yet?” They’d forgotten about me. I looked like an auburn Ronald McDonald. They didn’t charge me. I cried for hours.

  3. Your Grace

    How can an Eagle sympathize ?

    At least, you have hair, with colour

    Not every Man (or Eagle) of advancing years can pretend to that

    and we are sure it looks better than you might feel

    Yr Grace’s obedt servant etc

    G Eagle

  4. Well I do not want to be discouraging, but Rain, it does not sound like she really knew what she was doing. She should know the roots will lift fast [any alleged pro under the sun should know that] so it should have been no surprise to her the roots came out that overly white color doy roots just do that. And hair dressers are supposed to know mass packaged dyes contain metalics that can be very hard to remove [not to mention if you screw up with those you can melt the hair going over the top of them lucky she did not fuck up that bad] especially packaged dyes with red bases. To lift that she needed to use bleach going in [and do a god damn color test hello dumb hairdress?] and then she should have dyed over that being REALLY careful and doing time tests. I think you do not have a very smart “professional” there I am sorry I am no way a professional hairdresser and I know more than she does and can watch the screw ups going down as she does them — all of them and no pro should have screwed up this many times.

    Also, she did too many treatments back to back you should not do anything else chemical to this hair for at least two weeks to give it a chance to regroup.

    Really, don’t let this woman touch your hair again, she is not good enough and already had you in trouble get your money back and go to someone else or hell, I can walk you through what you need to do but it is hard and you probably should not try it alone if you have never done foil before.

  5. I think you’re right, max. She’s moving to a new place in a couple of weeks, and perhaps then I can get the head of the salon to fix this. In the meantime I’m spending all my spare change on conditioning treatments of various types.

    Honest to god, my scalp is still stinging 30 hours later. It may simply peel off in one large, concave dandruff flake.

  6. try a different colour lipstick, it might bring out the highlights…

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i havent read anything so funny in yonks! Sorry rain, its not nice to laugh.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  8. I didn’t go to Fidel because I am lazy and this place is just down the street. I will get them to fix this or give me my money back, so I can then wait until the roots grow back and then go to Fidel, who can presumably do Ginger Spice.

    I haven’t been under 15 in … gosh, ten years now.

  9. Kerasilk is a good conditioner that can save chemically damaged hair. Try to pick some up. Next stylist you go to too is going to need to know she lifted all the color off your roots and then what she laid down on top. Because those roots are going to continue to take color differently from the new roots and from the rest of your hair. You need to get your cash back and never go back to this place.

  10. Oh, I can get Kerasilk in bulk! Thanks!

    I will try. They already HAVE my money, though. I think I can probably get things restored by the head of the salon, but I’m not going to take anyone less, for good reason. Although the money back would be better.

  11. Shave your head and say you did it for cancer. Everyone will think you’re the most wonderful person while your new healthy hair grows in. Then start again from scratch.

  12. Been there, done that. I had cancer and trust me, my head is NOT pretty. Machu Picchu-shaped. It’s a perfect replica, actually. Indiana Jones could use it to make precise measurements of the site.

  13. Max is right. Why didn’t she use bleach? Maybe you ought to call the new salon she’s going to and warn them the latest flavor of SUCK! is on her way!

    ‘Then she puzzled and puzzed and finally decided to re-dye my hair from scratch, only pushing the highlights to one side, so they got some of the red on them and became, therefore, slightly less fabulous.’

    ARGH!

    ‘follicular Abu Ghraib ‘

    Well. At least you got a good line out of this.

  16. Stil, I will pick some up on payday. In the meantime I have some Loreal, some Queen Helene goop that’s super-moisturizing (for overprocessed black hair, actually; it was cheap), and some Infusium. Plus Infusium leave-in conditioner.

    Will update and let you know if all my hair falls out.

  17. Pingback: Quiz: what colour hair should you have? « raincoaster

  20. hello my name is sarah thomas i live in croydan and bristol oh yh and i liv in brixton too i like your head it looks very nice :D :P
    i think you should get a bowl hair cut because it suites me too. my mum cut my hair she put a bowl on my head and cut around it. i was asleep when she did it. and then my mum got me green highlights it looks very nice, if you want me to cut your head i mean hair then you can come round my house i live in london i think or maybe south africa ill ask my mum and then ill tell you ..
    bye my best friend i like your head
    rite back as soon as possible
    we can look like twins then

  21. i dont no what u three are talkin about hazel, emma and sarah. u girls are weird nd u should read whats the story about what happened not go commenting radomly about nothin! (ok)!!!

  23. Y’all DO see the little “Worth1000” down in the corner there, right? You do, don’t you? And you know what it means, right? Because you’re not completely stupid, are you?

    Are you?

  24. The person in that picture is the UGLIEST PEICE OF SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. (To the person in the picture) I am appalled at myself for saying this, but what the fuck happened to your face??? You look like… I don’t even want to think about it! And I would need to look at your face longer to comprehend the true ugliness, which I think I would TRULY be sick. I was found your face on google images, and I had to leave a comment, because I don’t think anyone’s told you yet. Your face defies every part of the golden ratio, and every shape, part, and angle is completely out of porportion, please, don’t put pictures of yourself or talk about anything used to advance one’s image (which is a stupid fucking idea, except you), because you would be in the LAST 10 people who could even mention anything remotely nice looking and it being every last bit full of the biggest fucking irony.

  25. Honey, have you heard of this amazing thing they call Photoshop? Ever wonder if maybe, somewhere out there, there are sites that use it? On pictures like these:

  30. uhhhh. you look like a rat. thingy. uhm. your hair looks fine, you just need to find a plastic surgine or something. because i am going to have nightmares. omgomgomgomg. i peed myself from looking at it. great. thanks. dont go in public. bye.

  31. The saddest thing about this post is the continuing stream of knucklewalking basement-dwellers who can’t tell the difference between photoshop and photos, or read comments.

  32. wow, Rain, these people are idiots. I actually read all of the previous comments and realized that it was a photoshopped picture, looked at the real picture, and had to laugh at the comments that everyone left AFTER you provided the link to the original picture. Because I was a little unsure at first, until I saw the photoshop link, and I must say, you are a very pretty girl. Those people are morons and apparently they’re illiterate as well.
    If you haven’t gotten your hair fixed yet, I really hope you do. I don’t think it looks so terrible, but I hope you get it the way you want it. And seeing that it isn’t what you wanted, you really should go bitch and scream until you get your money back.

  36. YOU SHOULD SAVE THE HAIR MONEY AND JUST WEAR A BAG OVER YOUR HEAD. I WOULD IF I LOOKED LIKE THAT.

  37. My hair was reallyyyy damaged after lots of dying. to help restore your hair i STRONGLY recommend going into a salon that has redken conditioning treatments. Mine was maybe 25 dollars, but well worth it. it saved my hair.

  38. I decided to just grow it out and chop off the most damaged bits. A two-year process, unfortunately. Going to get it dyed back to the natural colour and then put some highlights in it and leave it the hell alone for awhile. Thanks, I know Redken stuff is really good.

  41. ok. first of all sorry about your hair that sucks and its happened to me too. a buncha mine fell out one time

    to the stupid jerks who said the photoshopped face was ugly. your idiots. first of all its obviously photoshopped ,secondly who the hell are you to calll anyone else ugly. are you that big of a bitch to put some one down for no reason? if u think its ugly dont look at it and definitly dont look in the mirror. KARMA.

  42. I’ve come to not mind them so much. At least when people stand up and comment it allows us to feel smarter than they are. I used to say I liked working with the public because I met so many people to whom I could feel superior each day.

  44. i know this must soundlame i have auburn hair and am looking for something different i have never that right very shocking i repeat never dyedor highkightedmy hair im yout typical tomboy maybe one time a year hair cut butit lovely and long i know i need to get it thinnened out and trimmed any ideas on highklightd as im very unsure due to my hair colour

  47. Who knew hair could generate such rage? Actually, it can. Hair is pretty important. So I’m sorry that happened to you, Rain-child. I’ve been there, in that chair. Ever hear the sound of hair so damaged that when it’s cut it makes a soggy, mushy sound? The good thing is, it reminds you that vanity is both funny and strangely satisfying. The end.

  48. Yikes, I’m glad I’ve never heard it. But I’m sure several of my friends have. They run their fingers through their hair, it sounds like a threshing machine.

  52. LMFAO WOOOOW!!! I thought that was your real face lol i had to stop a this site after seeing it in google images but im glad i did… but im really sorry what happend to ur hair but im sure by now its fixed…i had to read all the post cuz i was sure some one would have said something about ur face in one of them and i knew u would explain and u did so now i dont feel so bad for laughing at it when i saw it!!lol….well n e ways jus wanted to post on here to say good luck!!

  56. If you have read every comment, why don’t you know that’s not me? Of COURSE it’s not me; it’s not a real picture of anyone! It’s a photoshopped, deformed picture of Ginger Spice.

  61. People are stupid. I changed my avatar to Catherine Zeta Jones and had numerous comments by people telling me I looked just like Catherine Zeta Jones. Must be some kind of pact among the idiots that troll the internet to only read every other word in a post and try to make some sense of it. Really, if you are drawn enough to a story you should be interested enough to read the whole post and the comments.

    I also have experienced the “Holocaust of Hair” and wound up cutting off the dead and getting extensions done by a pro till it grew out. Painful to the pride, but a well learned lesson.

  62. Well, if you are referring to your current avatar, I can’t say I see the resemblance!

    I honestly think there are people online who deliberately go there to behave stupidly, the way some people go into shops specifically to push around the help.

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