You may notice a theme here at the ol’ raincoaster blog; an aquatic, perhaps even amphibious theme: water monsters. And in the pantheon of water monsters, Gustave the Killer Croc ranks very high indeed.
Gustave is just your average Burundian crocodile. He minds his own business, he keeps to himself, he weighs over a ton, he’s the length of a schoolbus, he kills and eats a few fishermen from time to time (estimates range up to 300, although this may be subject to the “African Hyperbole Discount“). There is some hesitation to take issue with his murderous ways, however, because he is indeed quite large and, apparently, impervious to bullets. He even has a colourful French nemesis, just like in the comic books: Patrice Faye, an obsessed Gustave-hunter:
Like Captain Ahab, the self-taught naturalist is preoccupied with one monster in particular: Gustave, the largest, most fabled crocodile in all of Africa—a demonic Loch Ness Monster of incredible proportions and, according to legend, appetite. Gustave is reputed to have devoured hundreds of villagers, snatching them from the banks of the Rusizi and the northeastern shores of Lake Tanganyika. Faye estimates that the massive croc measures 20 feet (6 meters) long, weighs one ton (907 kilograms), and is 60 years old (wild crocs, on average, live to age 45). Trained herpetologists agree that Gustave could be that large and that he is certainly one of the most infamous man-eaters of all time. But Faye’s assertion that Gustave kills for sport—knocking off villager after villager like some killing machine—leaves skeptics clearing their throats.
Well, personally I don’t think reptiles are that bright, but then I don’t think country-western fans are smart enough to walk on their hind legs unassisted either, yet somehow they do! Gustave went underground for a period, but has been seen as recently as February of this year, identified by the numerous and completely ineffectual bulletholes that pocket his scaly hide.
But enough talk, let’s take a look at this beaut:
raincoaster 
Excusez-moi, your Grace
SPECIE-ISM !!!
Some of the Animals who visit this interestingissimum Space don’t think that most Homo pSeudo-Sapiens are that Bright, either
The poor Guy (or is it Guyess) is obviously GASPING for a REAL Drink
Are you insinuating that the placid waters of Lake Tanganyika are anything but pure, fresh water? Or that Gustave has a problem? I say when he can pay for it himself he can have whiskey and not before!
I’d give this the African Urban Myth Discount. There weren’t a lot of school buses with him in that video for comparison.
Also, since most crocs eat about once every six weeks and then lie up digesting for another six, the bit about him eating 15 to 17 villagers at the time sounds like some big white bwana trying to enhance his own reputation.
There is actually National Geographic footage of real naturalists estimating his size, but it doesn’t have the bitchin’ sound track!
Those Africans are skinny, ya know!
EEGHADS. That’s fodder for nightmares. Thanks, rain.
You sure those “naturalists” aren’t actually “cryptozooligist”-s?
Your Grace
I flatter myself that I agree with that distinguished wRiter Madame Writinggb on so many things, apart of course from religion & politics and whether oor Hilaareh should be asked to be oor Barak’s running mate
Thus, I am nervous about expressing another perspective on this Reptile …. but surely it is a little harsh to suggest that he is “fodder for nightmares”
After all, he poses little menace to Homo pSeudo Sapiens … except to the occasional individual who is dim enough to come within munching range on the one day every 6 weeks or so that he is feeling like having a snack
Rather, methinks, it is the Homo pSeudo Sapiens who is the Nightmare for Gustave and all Life-Forms, including fellow humans, especially in the USA on College Campuses, with America’s bizarre & irrational Gun Laws
Yr Grace’s obedient servant etc
G E
Metro, surely you can work YouTube as well as I can. Look it up.
G Eagle, you misunderstand. We need fodder for nightmares, or we won’t be able to work out our fears in a constructive way while we’re asleep and thus will have to face the world all unpracticed. That’s clearly a disadvantage. Now that we have Gustave, we can be better prepared for things like audits in our day-to-day lives.
That soundtrack… the Carpenters?
Assuming this is true, the French could capture it, fit it with arrestor wires and a deck landing system and have an aircraft carrier that actually works.
Yes, but you think they COULD capture it? They can’t even hang on to Quebec, for god’s sake, and they only had to hold it against a bunch of drunk Englishmen!
If it took as long to capture it as it did to build that marvel of French naval engineering the ‘Charles de Gaulle,’ it might be worth it.
He’s 60+ now…mind you, Charles de Gaulle is even older.
yeah, and the good ship de Gauller is less than 10 years old and ten times as creaky as its namesake
de Gaulle, merci
“Le flight deck, c’est moi.”
Your spelling mistakes gall me, FFE!
Guess you’re going to have me frogmarched off of here then?
Like a gaiman out of Utah.
Ho-ho, Moe! The gator soundtrash needs some fiddle and mandolin, though, rainco.
That’s a crock.
You say Crocodill, I say Crocodial;
You say Gaiman, I say Caiman;
You say Alligator, I say we both STFU and cook the bastard.
You’re Burundiing me in puns.
Come on everybody do the Congo . . .
The puns are just about DunDeed.
Gustave a place in your heart for puns.
Although it’s true that you can sting Ray, you can also lose Irwin.
Believing that would make you a piker.
It’s Sunday night. Shouldn’t we all be at a bar somewhere making a musky lunge at someone?
I know a nice little club in the Caiman islands
Do they do the Gator there?
with aid, of course
I think I’ve heard of that place. They’re owned by Martini Navratalova.
Is FFE referring to Adel Aide?
Well, given the geographic region spawning this thread, more like King Sunny Ade . . .
Does that mix well with Tyrade?
http://ayyyy.com/2008/06/21/i-can-feel-a-tyrade-coming-on/
Oh god… now you’ve done it. The Mothership is approaching from the horizon… keep your heads down until the Fathership comes home.
If we can gustave them off for awhile…
I’ve seen their kind before. Whatever you do, don’t let ’em Pocahontas.
They shall gerund no more.
Sometimes you feel like a noun, sometimes you don’t . . .
And speaking of Groundhog Day, just remember: “Puns are tawny, Phil.”
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Interesting video. Having lived in Burundi and seen crocodiles in action, I can promise you they are just as scary as they seem. When they look at you and track you, you KNOW they are thinking LUNCH. And Gustav is quite a legend around the lake. However, I must point out that I have serious doubts if this video is indeed Gustav. The pictures were all of Nile crocodiles, and not Tanganyika crocodiles. Most people don’t know (because they have not seen them) but crocs from Tanganyika are much darker in color (almost a black) and they have a long pointed snout. Even more pointed than alligators…not saying that Gustav could not be a Nile croc, but I’m not really sure about that one…