Today’s safe sex warning comes to us from Zombieland, just in time for Halloween. While you’re out there shopping for your Slutty Zombie/Playa Zombie costume, remember not to make it too realistic. You don’t want anyone avoiding you because of any of the following zombie-specific sex challenges:
- crotch rot
- S&M without the sting
- insertion without the option of exertion (dropped limb syndrome)
- or the truly terrifying consequences of necronautical oral sex:
- Zombie blow jobs suck.
Oral sex can be challenging for zombies, especially if you’re in a state of advanced decay or have taken a lot of physical damage. The repetitive sucking and mouth movement can overtax the jaw joint and cause permanent dislocation of the mandible. In addition, your partner’s genitalia may have degenerated to the point of being unrecognizable. And if you thought the smell was bad before…
raincoaster 
This is the greatest thing ever! A whole new meaning for zombie loving.
Glad you enjoyed it. Don’t overlook the tips at the end for save human to zombie sex! We don’t want any necrophiliacs paying the Ultimate Price for the love that cannot speak its name but can only sort of groan slightly and dribble a bit.
Bwahaha!