It is a fact universally acknowledged that when Julian Assange marries me, this will be our wedding cake. Cry all you want, jealous losers, it WILL happen. TEH CAKE IS NOT A LIE!
Sulk all you want: he stll isn’t going to go out with you.
Our guest list will be exclusive, and we’re really proud to say that we’ve just got an RSVP from a very important celebrity. Not to drop a name, but, well, if you’ve been around you’ll have heard of him. TENTAQUIL!
Y’all had better start working on your outfits ASAP: this is one wedding with a STRICT dress code.