Anonymous Santa
I’m a little late getting into the Christmas spirit this year, partly because I missed my traditional opening to the Christmas Season, Christmas at Hycroft, thanks to the month-long Death Flu of Death flu that sent me to the hospital a couple of times instead of to the mall to see Santa like normal. But today at Starbucks I did indulge myself in a new Christmas album of jazz/lounge standards, of which I have an extensive collection, and I’m taking this as the official start of the season. It’ll sit nicely between my Ren & Stimpy Christmas Album and that one by the Gospel singer with the incredibly moving voice who was convicted of beating his wife.
But there’s one Christmas tradition that never gets old for me: pimping out my Christmas List to tens of thousands of people on social media, in the vague hope that one or more of them will weaken and buy me something. So without further ado, here is what I want, and how and when I want it.
That has never worked for me on OK Cupid, so I might as well try it here.
- a pony. I’m fat now, Santa, so make it a sturdy Welsh Cob or Connemara pony.
- a new hat, to replace the one that got stolen, my lamented and loved Official Indiana Jones Stetson which I bought on the very last day that Woodwards was open.
- Chanel Allure perfume
- Viktor & Rolf Spice Bomb perfume
- any of Biella Coleman’s books or books about WikiLeaks except Julian Assange’s Cypherpunks, which I already have
- an MP3 player, preferably an iPod Touch (used is fine) so I can get back into running without getting bored out of my mind
- iPhone and a Virgin plan, because of all the places I’ve tried Virgin is the ONLY company that always has great service
- this digital pen
- a nice roomy winter coat
- some high heels, size eight, since all mine got stolen
- a charm bracelet, since mine got stolen
- any silver table doodads, since mine got stolen. Pickle forks, tea strainers, you name it: I love it. And I used to have it. And it’s cheap.
- wine tumblers
- silverware
- Harry Potter books, to replace all of mine were stolen
- DVDs, to replace mine that were stolen, particularly fitness DVDs
- Socks, yes really.
And I would like them all to be properly wrapped, thank you very much. Watch carefully as Aunt Chippy shows you how it’s done.
raincoaster 
Oh, also slippers, any slippers that come up over the ankles. And absolutely ANYTHING from the LL Bean catalog.
Also henley tops, size XL. If I lose weight, I’ll just shrink them down.
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Reblogged this on Interracial Dating Blog.
enter the fool into a gd mall??? Wtf you are a thief a grifter a liar of astronomical proportions. Narcissistic personality disorder is indicative of an opathy that you know you have its easy to diagnose in your case you’re a Sociopath simply put. You steal, of this you take pride, you fawn over
yourself thinking that all feel that way about you but I know you the read the words you leave behind. Simple words. Those are the verbiage of the undereducated. If you made manic use of the Temple of Books you’d have at minimum the ability to fool persons unknown to you for a lot longer ergo your booty would be large and all that have removed your masks could have
You’re quite entertaining. Remind me to call you out on your bullshit on Facebook more often.
A wallet would be cool as well, since mine got swiped in the mugging.
This is the best I can do for you, http://video.heraldsun.com.au/2315153105/Assange-confirms-Wikileaks-Senate-bid .
Not sure how to wrap the Wikileaks party though so you’ll just have to take him unwrapped :)
Ahem… apropos of nothing at all, do you have pierced ears…?
I hear he pretty much INSISTS on being unwrapped. Thanks!
Why, yes I do. Indeed I do, thanks for asking. Are you going to be in P-Town over the holidays? I should be there till the 5th or so.
I guessed you would probably prefer him like that anyway….
I really want him to do this. He would really add something to the normally boring political situation which is something we don’t really take too seriously here in Aust.
At this point it is a very, very serious GO. He’s on a roll.
If I’m lucky, I’ll have an interview with him next week and will ask about it.
An interview? There’s your xmas present right there!
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UPDATE: Got the roomy winter coat, thanks to Cathy Browne and the late Dave Kane giving me the vertical, mobile version of a waterproof arctic sleeping bag.
Got the iPhone/MP3 player thanks to working a deal for a friend’s second-hand phone. I may, in fact, be able to pay for this with babysitting, which I enjoy.