Category Archives: Science

The Nameless, Named!

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effigia okeefeCower in fear, for the end of the world is nigh: the unnameable has been named!

Behold, mortals, the nameless dweller in the accurst city named “The Nameless City.”

Well, actually he’s from New Mexico.

And from Columbia University:

Two Columbia scientists have discovered the fossil of a toothless crocodile relative that looks like a six-foot-long, two-legged dinosaur, but is actually a distant cousin of today’s alligators and crocodiles. Adjunct professor of earth and environmental sciences Mark Norell and his graduate student Sterling Nesbitt, both of whom also work as paleontologists at the American Museum of Natural History, have named the fossil Effigia okeeffeae.

Effigia means “ghost,” referring to the decades that the fossil remained hidden from science [and also the fact that it was found on the Ghost Ranch Dig; like, synchronicity, dude]. The species name, okeeffeae, honors the artist Georgia O’Keeffe, who lived near the site in northern New Mexico where the fossil was found.

According to Wikipedia, the fossil was discovered back in 1947-1948 by Edwin H. Colbert, but was lying unclassified in the basement of the American Museum of Natural History when Norell and Nesbitt were looking for something else and the one of them went, “I say, that’s odd. Never seen anything like it. What do you say, old chap?” or something like that, and the other fellow said,

That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons death may die.

I should have known that the Arabs other department heads had good reason for shunning the nameless city fossil, the city fossil told of in strange tales but seen by no living man, yet I defied them and went into the untrodden desert basement with my camel grad student. I alone have seen it, and that is why no other face bears such hideous lines of fear as mine; why no other man shivers so horribly when the night wind air conditioning rattles the windows specimen cases. When I came upon it in the ghastly stillness of unending sleep it looked at me, chilly from the rays of a cold moon the fluorescents amidst the desert’s New York’s heat. And as I returned its look I forgot my triumph at finding it, and stopped still with my camel grad student to wait for the dawn.

Or words to that effect.

(nb Cthulhu references get the squid tag. Makes total sense, right? Aw, shut up)

Colossal Octopus: i shit thee not

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Colossal OctopusWell, what does that look like to you?

To me, it looks both colosoid and octopudlian. You might be different, I dunno. We all have to live our own truths, even if it involves sleeping in a tinfoil-lined Chevy Impala on somebody’s back forty. Didn’t know you could get wireless inet out here, but it’s right handy.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Colossal Octopus. Tako Grande. Venti. Whatever.

So here, from the Unmuseum, is the story of the St. Augustine Colossal Squid Landing. Gather ’round the campfire/manifold intake, children, and listen well…

The Highlights:

The portion of the creature that remained, the body minus the arms, was eighteen feet in length and ten feet wide. Parts of tentacles, unattached to the body, stretched as long as 36 feet with a diameter of 10 inches. Dr. Webb estimated weight at four or five tons.

Colossal Octopus

Strangely enough, despite the importance of the find, neither Dr. Verrill, nor any other scientist, traveled to St. Augustine to view the carcass in person.

Webb finally sent Verrill a sample of the tissue of the creature preserved in formalin. Verrill was surprised to find it had the appearance of blubber and abruptly changed his mind stating that he now believed the creature was a whale and that the arms were not associated with the body.

The whole matter would have rested like that if it hadn’t been for Forrest Wood, the director of Marine Studios (later Marineland) in Florida. Wood came across an old news story about the monster and discovered that Webb’s sample was still stored at the Smithsonian Institution.

Wood persuaded the Smithsonian to let Dr. Joseph Gennaro, of the University of Florida, to take some of the samples for analysis. Gennaro immediately recognized that the material was not blubber and examination under a microscope showed the tissue was more similar to octopus than whale or squid. Further tests later confirmed this conclusion.Colossal Octopus and Guy

Honestly, look at that monster!

Is it any wonder that my greatest fear is snorkling?

When you have your period, it’s called “chumming.”

Boring, Pointless, yet really, really useful

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Yasu RecipeWhen you’re cooking rice, get a pot with a lid, stick your finger in the pot, right down to the bottom. Put in rice up to the first joint. Add water up to the second joint. Take finger out, bring rice and water to a boil, then turn it down to low till the water’s absorbed. That’s it: your rice will be perfect.

 

Index of the 100 science fiction books you just have to read

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DorkAt least, that’s what these people say.

Eh well, so quite a raging snotload of these books aren’t science fiction at all; it’s okay, as long as you let the fantasists claim Burroughs, Carroll and Ellison, too. Share nicely. Let us call it “A List of 100 Really Important Works of Speculative Fiction” but it can’t be the top 100, since it doesn’t contain The Lord of the Rings, ferinstance. Nor any Poe or HP Lovecraft, nor The House on the Borderland, nor any Thomas Ligotti, although I don’t expect any of you to know who that is; I think he’s imaginary. The book, were it on here, would be Songs of a Dead Dreamer.

1.  Childhood’s End Written by Arthur C. Clarke YEP
 
2.  Foundation Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
 
3.  Dune Written by Frank Herbert NOPE
 
4.  Man in the High Castle Written by Philip K. Dick YEP
 
5.  Starship Troopers Written by Robert A. Heinlein NOPE
 
6.  Valis Written by Philip K. Dick NOPE
 
7.  Frankenstein Written by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley YEP
 
8.  Gateway Written by Frederick Pohl YEP
 
9.  Space Merchants Written by C.M. Kornbluth & Frederick Pohl YEP I think…not sure.

10.  Earth Abides Written by George R. Stewart NOPE
 
11.  Cuckoo’s Egg Written by C.J. Cherryh YEP
 
12.  Star Surgeon Written by James White NOPE
 
13.  The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch Written by Philip K. Dick YEPPERS!
 
14.  Radix Written by A.A. Attanasio YEP
 
15.  2001: A Space Odyssey Written by Arthur C. Clarke YEP
 
16.  Ringworld Written by Larry Niven NOPE
 
17.  A Case of Conscience Written by James Blish NOPE but have read other Blish
 
18.  Last and First Man Written by Olaf Stapledon I think so
 
19.  The Day of the Triffids Written by John Wyndham YEP, all the Wyndham. The Trouble with Lichen is a bit more to the point lately, though. And of course, The Kraken Wakes, for Giant Squiddy goodness.
 
20.  Way Station Written by Clifford Simak YEP
 
21.  More Than Human Written by Theodore Sturgeon YEP
 
22.  Gray Lensman Written by E. E. “Doc” Smith I THINK SO
 
23.  The Gods Themselves Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
 
24.  The Left Hand of Darkness Written by Ursula K. Le Guin YEP
 
25.  Behold the Man Written by Michael Moorcock YEP

26.  Star Maker Written by Olaf Stapledon NOPE
 
27.  The War of the Worlds Written by H.G. Wells YEP
 
28.  20,000 Leagues Under the Sea Written by Jules Verne YEP, luv me some Verne
 
29.  Heritage of Hastur Written by Marion Zimmer Bradley NOPE: She wrote Chtulhu Mythos tales? Howcum nobody told ol’ raincoaster, eh? What do you think the Comments button is there for, eh? EH?
 
30.  The Time Machine Written by H.G. Wells YEP LOVE ME SOME WELLS, TOO
 
31.  The Stars My Destination Written by Alfred Bester YEP
 
32.  Slan Written by A.E. Van Vogt NOPE but read some other stuff
 
33.  Neuromancer Written by William Gibson YEP and met him repeatedly; such a sweet guy. I was in Book Warehouse one day and saw him browsing the SciFi section. Took a quick look, and no Gibson. I caught his eye and said, “They must have sold out.”
 
34.  Ender’s Game Written by Orson Scott Card YEP
 
35.  In Conquest Born Written by C.S. Friedman NOPE
 
36.  Lord of Light Written by Roger Zelazny NOPE Can’t stand the bugger, actually
 
37.  Eon Written by Greg Bear NOPE
 
38.  Dragonflight Written by Anne McCaffrey NOPE
 
39.  Journey to the Center of the Earth Written by Jules Verne YEP
 
40.  Stranger in a Strange Land Written by Robert Heinlein YEP, adequate
 
41.  Cosm Written by Gregory Benford NOPE
 
42.  The Voyage of the Space Beagle Written by A.E. Van Vogt NOPE
 
43.  Blood Music Written by Greg Bear NOPE
 
44.  Beggars in Spain Written by Nancy Kress NOPE
 
45.  Omnivore Written by Piers Anthony NOPE
 
46.  I, Robot Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
 
47.  Mission of Gravity Written by Hal Clement NOPE
 
48.  To Your Scattered Bodies Go Written by Philip Jose Farmer YEP, although I cannot say he’s the greatest prose stylist the universe has ever seen.
 
49. Brave New World Written by Aldous Huxley YEP; it is slowly becoming nonfiction. E, anyone?
 
50.  The Man Who Folded Himself Written by David Gerrold YES
 
51.  1984 Written by George Orwell YES; also becoming nonfiction, although only in the US so far
 
52.  The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckyl And Mr. Hyde Written by Robert Louis Stevenson YEP but I agree with his wife that Markheim was superior.
 
53.  Snow Crash Written by Neal Stephenson YEP
 
54.  Flesh Written by Philip Jose Farmer NOPE
 
55.  Cities in Flight Written by James Blish NOPE
 
56.  Shadow of the Torturer Written by Gene Wolfe NOPE
 
57.  Startide Rising Written by David Brin NOPE
 
58.  Triton Written by Samuel R. Delany NOPE but have read other stuff
 
59.  Stand on Zanzibar Written by John Brunner NOPE
 
60.  A Clockwork Orange Written by Anthony Burgess NOPE
 
61.  Fahrenheit 451 Written by Ray Bradbury YEP
 
62.  A Canticle For Leibowitz Written by Walter Miller NOPE but I have heard so much about it that I damn well should.
 
63.  Flowers for Algernon Written by Daniel Keyes NOPE
 
64.  No Blade of Grass Written by John Christopher NOPE
 
65.  The Postman Written by David Brin NOPE
 
66.  Dhalgren Written by Samuel Delany NOPE
 
67.  Berserker Written by Fred Saberhagen NOPE although it sounds familiar. Then again, maybe that’s because of the crowd I hang out with?
 
68.  Flatland Written by Edwin Abbot YEP; it should really be published on a single sheet of paper, don’t you think?
 
69.  Planiverse Written by A.K. Dewdney NOPE
 
70.  Dragon’s Egg Written by Robert L. Forward NOPE
 
71.  Downbelow Station Written by C.J. Cherryh NOPE
 
72.  Dawn Written by Octavia E. Butler YEP
 
73.  Puppet Masters Written by Robert Heinlein YEP one of his better works
 
74.  The Doomsday Book Written by Connie Willis NOPE
 
75.  Forever War Written by Joe Haldeman NOT SURE
 
76.  Deathbird Stories Written by Harlan Ellison YEP, own several copies actually. The Whimper of Whipped Dogs isn’t becoming nonfiction; it never was fiction.
 
77.  Roadside Picnic Written by Boris Strugatsky & Arkady Strugatsky NOPE

78.  The Snow Queen Written by Joan Vinge YEP
 
79.  The Martian Chronicles Written by Ray Bradbury YEP
 
80.  Drowned World Written by J.G. Ballard NOPE
 
81.  Cat’s Cradle Written by Kurt Vonnegut NOPE
 
82.  Red Mars Written by Kim Stanley Robinson NOPE
 
83.  Upanishads Written by Various NOT WHOLLY
 
84.  Alice in Wonderland Written by Lewis Carroll YEP and have the original illustrations too
 
85.  Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Written by Douglas Adams NOPE AND QUIT BUGGING ME ABOUT IT, OKAY?
 
86.  The Lathe of Heaven Written by Ursula K. Le Guin NOPE
 
87.  The Midwich Cuckoos Written by John Wyndham YEP

88.  Mutant Written by Henry Kuttner YEP, loved it!
 
89.  Solaris Written by Stanislaw Lem NOPE
 
90.  Ralph 124C41+ Written by Hugo Gernsback NOPE
 
91.  I Am Legend Written by Richard Matheson YEP
 
92.  Timescape Written by Gregory Benford NOPE
 
93.  The Demolished Man Written by Alfred Bester NOPE
 
94.  War with the Newts Written by Karl Kapek NOPE
 
95.  Mars Written by Ben Bova YEP I think, but not totally sure
 
96.  Brain Wave Written by Poul Anderson NOPE
 
97.  Hyperion Written by Dan Simmons NOPE, but he was a great horse.
 
98.  The Andromeda Strain Written by Michael Crichton YEP, Crichton isn’t as bad as they say, actually. Or wasn’t.
 
99.  Camp Concentration Written by Thomas Disch NOPE but have read plenty of other stuff
 
100.  A Princess of Mars Written by Edgar Rice Burroughs YEP
 

Today in Furry Albino Lobster News

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Some enterprising, web-savvy hand-sewing type (yes, apparently they exist, although they are rarer than kiwa hirsuta) has created a pattern to sew your own cuddly stuffed Kiwa Hirsuta. Apparently, the whole world is focused on the appetizer course-enhancing qualities of the incredibly rare and scientifically fascinating creature; first it was described as “the size of a salad plate,” and now, this new creation has stripped the gloves off (although presumably donned the bib) and actually called itself “Tasty.”

Kira Hirsuta toy

Inspired by the recently reported kiwa hirsuta lobster, I designed a plush toy. Although she’s not anatomically correct in every detail, I think she is an identifiable member of this new species.

For anyone interested in sewing one of their own, I’ve developed a pattern with instructions and released it under a Creative Commons license. I don’t recommend this project for people averse to hand-sewing or turning things inside out—there’s plenty of both involved. But it’s all simple sewing and assembly if you understand the basics of seaming and stuffing.

And, presumably, roasting and grilling.