Canada tells a Nicaraguan teenager that because he hasn’t fucked any Americans, his refugee claim is rejected and he must return to his homeland.
Now, I don’t know about you…
But if that is what it takes to stay in this country I may as well start packing.
I mean, sure, if you’re planning to live on Denman Street, fine, test for gayness. But I don’t think bonking one particular kind of foreigner should be a requirement for Canadian residency status, any more than a criminal record should be mandatory if you’re emigrating to Australia.
From the CBC:
Board adjudicator Deborah Lamont, who heard the case from Calgary via video conference, questioned whether Orozco was homosexual because he wasn’t sexually active while in the U.S. …
“You’ve got a kid who’s run away from home because he’s had the crap beaten out of him by his dad because he’s different, because he looks gay, because he doesn’t behave like the other boys or his brothers, gets help from Catholic churches and then from a Seventh Day Adventist Church,” said Khaki.
“He’s 19 years old at the time of the hearing and the board wonders why he hasn’t been sexually active? [That’s] a bit problematic for me,” said Khaki.
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raincoaster 
Y’know, if proving one’s sexuality is what it takes for an immigrant to stay in Canada, then I’m willing to sacrifice for the cause. I will surrender to the Immigration and Prostitution authorities immediately to be presented with a person upon whom I can demonstrate my love of … country.
It’s about damn time we had an acid test for citizenship! What are you–unpatriotic?
Does it have to be an American? I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but are other nationalities acceptable? Because there’s this hot Austrian I’m working with … and that Indian chick …
In fact, limiting the test to Nortamericanos seems short-sighted, when by bonking sufficient numbers of foreigners, we Canuckistanians will eventually take over the world.
Oops, sorry. Gave away the masterplan, eh? Dammit. Who do I have to screw to get another drink around here anyway?
You’re missing the point: the kid wasn’t even of the age of consent when he was in the US. And since Canada has legal gay marriage, the judge is essentially making premarital sex a mandatory condition of staying in Canada. There are World of Warcraft players in basements everywhere who will have to be deported en masse.
Since deporting the WOWsers would up my workload tremendously let me revise my position to not being opposed in principle.
And irrespective, I’m still willing to put my personhood* on the line for the cause if required–or even politely requested.
*PC for “manhood”, though what IBM ever had to do with sexuality escapes me. Presumably on a Mac it’s “individualhood”?
Would it count if we sodomized Stephen Harper with a splintery broom handle?
You can’t make it up can you? Authority figures, especially in government or it’s administration are less logical than Enis Blyton. When Blair goes I’m thinking Winnie the Pooh would do a better job.
Metro, even YOU would not lower your standards far enough to fuck some of those basement-dwelling losers. Trust me.
FFE, why don’t we give it a shot? I’ll let you know later.
Philipa, I’m thinking that Blair would probably be willing to personally service those WOW nerds, if it meant he could delude himself into thinking he had a power base. What say you?
Metro: IBM “selectric” – choosey! “Big” Mac – say no more! FFE: holy toot! And r.c. encouraging you. And keeping you posted, shame on you both. Philipa, I don’t know who Enis Blyton is/was (jeez can you make up these names?) but Pooh is Canadian!
Enis was Enid’s brother. He was a little short.