As I’m waaaaay over on the West End lately, taking a course, I’m often stuck using public computers during the daytime, as it is too far for me to walk home and back on my lunch hour and between appointments where the government dicks me around, and yea verily, I am very tired of taking the limo.
There is a problem with public computers, however.
The public.
If they could just use the computer without poking the monitor with a greasy finger, presumably to stabilize themselves, while making “huh-huh” Beavis and Butthead noises, perhaps I could continue to use the computers which the government has, after all, put there for the citizenry such as myself to use.
Seriously, though: the next time someone repeatedly mutters to himself while seated next to me at a public computer station, I will rip out his tongue, tie it around his neck, pull his eyes out and tuck his dangling optic nerves under the tongue/cravat which I have fashioned, I will pop the eyeballs one by one into my mouth and swallow them whole, praying that they are still somehow transmitting messages to his brain as they slowly dissolve in the cauldron of sulphuric acid to which I have sent them, and then I will suggest that he request that the Ministry provide him with a specially-equipped custom laptop for his own personal use, as he qualifies for one now that he is disabled.
He’ll thank me later. And so will you, if you ever have to surf these terminals of despair. Just keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.
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raincoaster 
Mlle RegenCoaster
The Fruit of the Holy Spirit is
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-control etc etc
Yr ob servant
G E
Vengeance is the blogger’s, saith the Lord. Then mine if she leaves me any.
“…dissolve in the cauldron of sulphuric acid to which I have sent them…”
The stomach primarily contains hydrochloric acid, though I think the humor and general thrust of your story is uneffected by this minor technicality.
Isn’t it nice to have strangers pic nits and generally get pedantic on yer ass?
:-)
Love your blog! (for some reason)
XV
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_acid
XV
You are evidently a pScientist of taste knowledge & discrimination (hence your Love of this Place) unAffected by minor technicalities, but I didn’t realize that R-C had a donkey
Are you able to enlighten us as to whether H2SO4 acid is found in Cephalopods’ tummies
Remaining Yer obedient servant etc
G Eagle
My virtual verbal flogging of R-C’s Equus asinus was based on pure speculation that such companionship exists. We’ll have to await R-C’s confirmation or negation of my assumption…
(of course, the above is nothing but a transparent excuse to use the word “negation”, and my original comment vis a vis R-C’s ass was likewise a transparent excuse to cause myself and others to pause in contemplation of said digestive system consummation).
“Are you able to enlighten us as to whether H2SO4 acid is found in Cephalopods’ tummies”
No. No, I am not (I can admit a rare defeat – good show!). But, I will provide this fascinating diagram of the Cephalopod digestive system as a consolation.
Truly remarkable, non?
XV
My apologies… apparently embedded images are a no-no. Here’s a link:
XV
Great picture – respekt !!!
but I think I prefer our HydroChloric dominated system – ideal for re-cycling Doughnuts – enough to make one look favourably (or favorably as you North-AmeriKans so quaintly write) on Intelligent Design
Perhaps Senor AerChie should lend R-C one of his LongDonkeys, to carry her away from all this mind-improving Learning
Yr obedt servt
G E
There’ll be no flogging of longdonkeys here!
We’re against cruelty even to those lifeforms with lesser stomach acids and fewer-than-reasonable tentacles.
My ass is not only real, it’s fantastic!
I actually knew it wasn’t sulphuric acid in human tummies, but it was two in the morning and I was damned if I was going to look it up. Besides, like draws like so I knew one of my readers would himself be a smartass and correct me. I’m glad to know that I can rely on you: you’ll fit right in.
Also, what makes you think I’m human? Eh?
Know what else is a gruesome exercise in frustration? School board computers. Half of everything I try to go to is blocked, and I’m not talking raunchy sites either. (Give me some credit, please) I…I can’t even blog from school. *sob* Well, I know a way around it, of course, but I feel sleazy doing it…
If blogging doesn’t make you feel dirty, you’re not doing it right!
But yeah: I’m giving a talk on blogging for self-actualization and the damn computers won’t even do YouTube because of terrifying, scary Flash!!! OOoooooh, scaaaaaary! Where’s Count Floyd when you need him eh?
I have a feeling it isn’t only the Simpsons who need restraints here!
Metro – No one flogs a longdonkey within my ken! Not even if they have sufficient tentacles! Vengance shall be mine for I am who I am!
Full moon, Archie. The blogosphere is so incestuous we’re all PMSing at the same time.
But surely if the longdonkey is into that sort of thing it should be free to indulge, presuming it is of age?
Her Grace the Marchioness of WitchHampton under Buzzard de la Zouche
Your Grace
LongDonkeys are not into that sort of thing – it is flogging life-forms with lesser forms of acid who need to fear the wRath (pronounced rOth in Inglaterra) of El Archie-Raptor
Yr ob servt
G E
PS It’s obvious, Monsieur Metro, that the gNoble R-C isn’t entirely human – isn’t her blood a copper-based blue colour (or Color as the erudite but spelling-challenged XV would wRite)
G E
Good eye there, Eagle. But I guess that goes without saying, eh?
raincoaster, I now it is nearing a full moon but we promised never to let anyone know about THAT “i” word, Sis.
And longdonkeys need our protection just as the mountain walrus needs protection. As the Tropical Polar Bear will need our protection as the icecaps melt.
Indeed. The ones around here have stolen all my self-tanner.
@Meinheer Eagle:
Raincoaster is in fact entirely a grotesque computer/squid hybrid construct. She has no blood, only hydraulic fluid mixed with syntho-amniotic fluid. I will post details on my blog today.
If anything less incendiary should appear, say a post about Yahoo! News being foamy and vacuuous, then I have been carefully eliminated by my enemies and replaced with a clone, or possibly a robot.
The only way to tell the difference will be to pie Steve Harper and watch my reaction.
Actually there will likely be no way at all, but what harm could it possibly do?
@Arch
What you do with your ken is entirely your own business. However, depending on the actual type of longdonkeys involved, you may attract the ire or interest of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
If you make a post about Yahoo news being foamy and vacuous (but what are the odds, really) does that mean that Lori finally took my advice and got a Stepford Husband? The sale at Costco was incredible, but there wasn’t much selection the last time I saw it so she might have to settle for a Tory model.
We are Metro. We do not understand your statement. Metro is Tory. Metro has always been Tory.
Do not pie Glorious Deputy Leader Stephen Harper.
Respect, follow, and obey the Glorious New Green Conservative Government of Canada, One God, Under a Bush, Invisible.
That is all.
-Bazzt!
Excellent! Blackmail material. Hmmmm, I could use a hot tub.
Come by then. We’ve just refilled it with trans-fat free oil. As a sanitary measure, would you mind rolling in some eggwhite and breadcrumbs before you hop in?
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