Remember the Eighties? Oh yes you do. There's some of it right over there———> Say hello to Mitsou. If you're from outside Canada, you'll have never heard of her, and you needn't cry into your Gap mock-turtleneck for all that. She was "The Canadian Madonna" (are you still with me? Not overcome with a sudden urge requiring your immediate presence in the bathroom? Excellent) for about fifteen minutes, long enough for her song Bye Bye Mon Cowboy to become a hit. Well, let's clarify. Not long enough for the original to become a hit; in fact, I don't think the Earth contains one person besides the Artiste herself who heard the original version. The remix, however, did respectably on the basis of a hot video and Mitsou's apparent willingness to do anyone and anything on the way to stardom. This being Canada, of course, no-one has actually said if she did anyone or anything, but she wore the lipstick as if she meant business. Mitsou was to Japanese schoolgirls as trannies are to grown women, right down to the name. Her real name is probably Marie: I think there's only one name in Quebec, it must be some kinda bylaw. Marie, Marie-Claire, Marie-Anne, Anne-Marie, they must be awfully inbred or something. Mitsou is not just the Canadian Madonna and a Japanese Schoolgirl Transvestite; oh, she was so much more than this. She was also the poor man's Vanessa Paradis. She didn't get to sleep with Lenny Kravitz or Johnny Depp, but she probably got to drunk dial Leonard Cohen once.  In any case, as I was trolling the Internet looking for fun things to tell you (for lo, my real-life day sucketh both the ox and the ass) I came across this article about a pair of Quebecois families who are feuding over possession of a used, disposable coffee cup. And lo, there was the Blast from the Past herself, all settled down as a respectable, peach lipgloss-wearing radio host, kinda a Wendy Messner of Montreal. But what was I saying about inbreeding? Read on, gentle reader, there is much to think on here.

Excerpts may be edited to make these idiots look even dumber.

Sue me.

Marilou found a Tim Hortons coffee cup featuring the company's popular "Rrroll up the rim to win" contest in the garbage bin of her primary school in St. Jerome, Que. When she found her small fingers lacked the strength to roll up the tough cardboard rim, she asked an older schoolmate for help — with success.   "When the parents got in the school they both wanted to share and everyone was happy. The two little girls wanted to share…they also wanted to go to Walt Disney together," Gelinas said. "Father number one (Marilou's) doesn't want to share anymore and that's it," Gelinas said. Prevost believed that her daughter was entitled to some recognition for helping out, so she emailed a local radio station asking for legal advice. "The Roll up the Rim to Win promotion," Tim Hortons said in a statement, "is meant to be a thank you to our loyal customers. … we sincerely hope that the families in this case in Quebec will be able to come to a resolution."

I support Quebec separation…but only if it applies to separating breeding pairs like these.