And then things took a turn for the worse when a Ben & Jerry's employee made the horrible mistake of panhandling for tips during this sacred day of frugality…

While we all thought his loud beggary was both annoying and tacky, a certain Mad Black Woman would have none of it, and thus began serving up a big chocolate-covered sundae of vulgarity and obnoxious protest, repeatedly telling the employee that he should be ashamed of himself for asking us for tips, and that this was precisely why he would be "workin' up at Ben & Jerry's for the rest of yo' life!"

Okay, this is an example of what not to do. As a former Starbuckian who's worked her share of charity days, I can say with complete confidence that any tips this man made that day should be saved, because anyone that psycopathic is gonna need bail money on a fairly regular basis. Not only that, but the worker inside who is also looking for tips is probably gonna rip his intestines out and use them for packing tape because she got skunked.

So, do you tip at fast food chains? McDonalds doesn't have tip jars, it has donation boxes, and that's a very good thing. OTOH it must be said that I leave larger tips than donations generally speaking; perhaps I'm just evil that way.

Do you tip when you order off the regular menu? No. If it's bog-standard, the standard is you don't tip.

You do tip, however, when you order something like the following:

Grande 4-shot hazelnut mocha, half-caf, half sweet on both, 2%, easy whip. Which is what I order, when I can afford it. The general rule is a nickle for every customizer, which still keeps it affordable. If they fuck up, which they can do from time to time, you don't tip the next time and you explain why. If you do it politely, they'll actually really want to get it right, just to prove they are better than the obvious day-release, community-time-serving creep who fucked up your mocha before. Then, when you have confirmed the drink has turned out exactly the way you like it, you walk over to the tip jar and put some money in. Triple impact, and pennies clink just as loud as toonies.

On a day when the stuff is free, such as Ben & Jerry's free cone day, you don't pimp the tips. About 20% of people are gonna give you the full price of the free thing anyway. You'll do well. Pimping the tips is just plain greedy, and everyone and their cousin Jethro knows you're being paid minimum wage by the hour anyway; it's not as if you're volunteering the time.

And remember, when you pimp the tips and score big because of the guilt/pressure factor, it comes out of your Karma account, double.