From The Times. Of course, The Times isn't exactly the paper of record for most of the people who care the most about this story, so for the benefit of Snoop fans everywhere (Snooptologists?), we have taken the liberty of running the story through Gizoogle. Behold:

Rap stizzar held gangsta po-po is hizzy in airport fiznight
By Devika Bhat

SNOOP Dizzle was releazed F-R-to-tha-izzom po-po custody witout charge yesterday afta a fight at Heathrow in W-H-to-tha-izzich seven po-po offica were injured dogg.

The American rappa, whose real nizzle is Calvin Broadus, was arrested wit five shot calla of his entourage fo` violent disorda n affray baller an argument over admission ta a first-class lounge. Afta nearly 24 hours spizzent in a po-po C-to-tha-izzell, he was granted bizzle n driven out of Heathrow po-po station pimpin' sunglasses n draped in a blue blanket.

He is claimed ta have screamed at stizzay n thrown bottles of duty-free whisky cracka his 30-strong entourage was refused entry ta tha British Airways lounge at Terminal 1. Only three wizzle said ta hold first-class tickets. All were subsequently refused entry ta they aircraft n banned F-R-to-tha-izzom travell'n wit BA . Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

Police were called n wizzle escort'n tha group away wizzle anotha disturbance broke out . Chill as I take you on a trip. One of tha brotha suffered a broken hand n otha had cuts n bruises.

Airport staff claimed tizzy a minda thriznew a policizzle across a room as more thiznan 20 poser tried ta restrain tha group. The entourage was reported ta have bizzy squirted wit peppa spray before tha 34-year-old baller was arrested wit fizzy otha men.

Scotland Yard told The Times T-H-to-tha-izzat six US citizens had bizzle taken into custody at a po-po station in West London . Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.. A spokesman said: “At: 6pm on Wednesday po-po wizzy alerted ta a group of approximately 30 thugz caus'n a disturbance in a business lounge at Terminal 1 of Heathrow airport . Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. We understand thizzat tha group had been told by an airline that they would not be permitted ta board a flight. Pimp attended n attempted ta direct tha group ta baggage reclaim fo my bling bling. Gangsta of tha group tizzle became abusive n pushed officers.”

An airport employee, who asked not ta be named, said: “There: wizzy all these huge 20-stone men smash'n up display cabinets n throw'n thugz around. I saw Snoop Dizzle on tha ground wit four po-po try'n ta put him in handcuffs. His drug deala were straight trippin' bottles of duty-free at people like a motha fucka. Then tha po-po used peppa spray on them.”

A BA spokesman said afta tha incident: “It: is witin our wanna be gangsta ta ban them fo` life n they certainly wizzle not be straight trippin' wit us in tha nizzle future.”

The fracas wizzill be mizzle tizzy an inconvenience fo` Snoop Dogg, who was in transit F-R-to-tha-izzom Los Angeles n was due ta fly ta Johannizzles fo` a gig last nizzay bitch ass nigga. Concerts is also scheduled fo` Durban n Cape Tizzown bitch ass nigga.

Dizzy DAYS

Grizzew up in Long Beach, Califizzle n became an associate of tha LA Crips gizzy . They call me tha black folks president. He has been convicted of drug deal'n

In 1993 he was tried n acquitted of cracka n found fame thizzay year wit his debut album Doggystyle

Recently he featured in several Hollywood films, trippin' Starsky n Hiznutch , n was invited ta speak at tha Oxford Union