Re-posted from another forum. Sorry if you’ve already read it; go on to All Your Snakes Are Belong To Us or Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager, Part One or Part Two.
Never come between addicts and their caffeine. Working seven years at *$, I learned this well. They really do believe in the happy, smiley customer service, and it runs deep in that company, but sometimes you just have to say no. Even though it could cost you your job.
One day some eedjut was making fun of us behind the counter.
“I bet your moms are proud of you, pouring coffee for a living, har har!” etc etc, AT LENGTH. He’s treating the whole weekday morning lineup to his hilarious routines, oh god, he is a real Jim Carrey of the Latte, this one. On and on he goes.
Until he gets up to the front, and he says, “Just gimme a big, strong coffee. You aught to be good at that, since that’s all you do with your life.”
At that point I poured the coffee and, without approaching the counter, spun around.
“No,” I said. “You don’t understand. You don’t get this coffee unless I give it to you.”
Pause.
You could have heard a quark drop in that place.
The staff couldn’t believe I’d pull this, and neither could Eedjut here. The customers in line new better than to interfere when a drama was unfolding right before their eyes, so they were silent, too.
“Naw, seriously. You gotta give me the coffee.”
“No, seriously, I don’t.” Pause, during which a dawning realization lit up his face. Would I give up this sale? Yep.
“Who’s in charge? Who’s the manager?”
“I am,” I lied, smoothly.
Pause.
“Oh, okay. I guess I look like a jerk, eh? Sorry, can I please have my coffee?”
Honest to god, he tipped, too.
Once in a lifetime, boys and girls.
Is it relevant to note that during a job review, when it came to the “Interpersonal Communications” section, the manager giving me my review said,
“Given the difference between what you could say and what you do say, I’m giving you ‘outstanding’?”
raincoaster 
hear, hear!
Thank you. Too bad they fired my ass. Howard still doesn’t know, shhhhh, don’t tell him! I wrote him the most lovely “as I leave to start my own media company” letter.
Fired from the coffee house? How does one get fired from a coffee house?
Well….at least your have your blog.
ouch…where do I make a donation? To that guy in line that put you in your place?
Don’t sweat it. Tip the barista, when in doubt.
Hey #3 with only one vowel, is that irony you are attempting? I’ve always loved that expression to put one in their place. Notice the place is never exalted?!?
You just wouldn’t get that in England, there are some incredibly rude people on your side of the pond raincoaster. We say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ over here but we ‘sure as hell’ dont give tips in Starbucks!
Besides, we have a minimum wage, the only good thing the Blair government has given us.
We have a minimum wage over here, too, but we also have a lot of people who order things like a 180-degree, triple, two-thirds decaf, one pump hazelnut, foamy latte. Remembering that deserves a tip.
Lydia and Steven, #3-one-vowel is an American. An American Yahoo. What can you expect, really?
I can’t concentrate after 180. Sounds like hooker talk to me!
Well, it is a secret code. One day I’ll post the rules of cup management, which is how we were able to remember all those drinks BEFORE they invented those little tickboxes on the sides of the cups. We all felt that was so terribly amateur, and it does take longer to do.
Is ‘black coffee’ politically correct over there? Someone in London frowned at me once for ordering ‘black coffee’ and told me in future I should ask for ‘americano’ (like hell I will ever ask for ‘americano’) I replied by saying ‘honestly, sorry mate I can never keep up with what is and isn’t politically correct’ he said ‘that’s OK just remember in future. Then I said ‘so am I meant to say negro or coloured these days’ you can imagine his reaction.
You certainly do suffer from a PC brigade over there. They all need a swift enema.
An Americano is NOT a black coffee. Your nattering enforcer was not only twattish, he was wrong. An Americano is a shot of espresso, diluted with added water. This is not at all the same as drip coffee. And I drink my Americanos with cream; and most Italians drink them with about eight teaspoons of sugar.