from Raj:
New Out of Office Replies:
1. I am currently away from my desk, beating my head against the wall. Your message will be replied to once I have reached a level of numbness
sufficient to cloud my vision to the point I am able to formulate an appropriate response to your request.2. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. I’ve run away to join a different circus.
9. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Martha’ instead of ‘Marvin’.
raincoaster 
My favourite is:
I am out of the office this week and unable to deal with your enquiry right now. For urgent assistance please email …..
And redirect them to the admin dept.
Which circle of hell is that in, again?
I got a great answering machine message from Robert Anton Wilson; “I’m not here right now. At the sound of the beep, please divide by zero” but unfortunately a mathematician called me one day. All I can say is, he musta had a loooooot of time on his hands, because the tape eventually ran out as he was explaining.