Ah, Japan. Land of the Rising Sun, the cherry blossom, mystical Mount Fuji, and blithely flaunted sexual perversions that would curl the toes of a back street dominatrix.
How I love you.
Yesterday I finally took a long-delayed trip around Japanprobe, and was not disappointed. There I found delights such as the lonelygirl15 of the East, the video blog of an inflatable sex doll’s day-to-day life in the booths (account now unaccountably suspended, whodathunkit?).
Among the gems to be found on the site was this, and for it I am truly grateful. Not that I own one. No, no, no, perish the thought.
Besides, I don’t have a credit card.
I remember with fondness the old Spy article about what Hollywood stars will get up to for money as long as they think none of their real fanbase will ever see it; Peter Fonda as an alien whose ejaculations are so powerful they blow the head off his partners comes to mind (so to speak). Yet, somehow, I suspect that this not-so-little beauty wasn’t exactly approved by the man whose image is being used to sell it to legions of Orientals of both sexes who rationalize, not without some justification, that this is as close as they’re ever gonna get to that cowboy from Thelma and Louise.
raincoaster 
You forgot The Italian Stallion, among many, many others. Okay, but why’d you neglect Leo DiCaprio? I mean, his famous phallus is right there on the same page, and would have provided so many opportunities:
“It’s almost Titanic!”
“I think Kate Winslet went down on it …”
“It was great for the first couple of days, then it broke in half.”
I was going to add something about going straight to the bottom, but you get the idea.
Oh–and one of my favourite Japanese TV stars has merch there too–Hard Gay! How can you, as a lover of all things weird (or so the washroom graffitti reliably informs me) ignore Hardu Gay?
Are you trying to maintain some decorum here?
*Muffled snickering, followed by sound of a body falling to the floor, convulsing with mirth*
Hey–where’d my comment go?
I’d just gotten it exactly right, full of the juste-iest of mots. It was brilliant. First I referenced Stallone’s first film: Party at Kitty and Stud’s.
Then I observed that you’ve sadly neglected the famous phallus of Leo DiCaprio on that page, depriving yourself of opportunities such as:
“It’s almost Titanic!”
“Didn’t Kate Winslet go down on that?”
“It was fun for the first few days, then it broke in half.”
I nobly refused to comment on “going straight to the bottom”.
But I also took you to task for shirking the hardest-working celebrity in Japanese show biz: Hardu-Gay, who also uh, graces that page.
Maybe it got snapped up by the censors? Possibly you’ve developed a hate-on for DiCaprio ‘cos he won’t return your calls, e-mails, notes, spray-painted messages or skywriting, so you don’t let his name through?
Oh well. Too late to post it now, I guess.
Okay, now it’s back. Thanks, I think.
Yeah, but now where’s MY comment? WordPress hates me lately.
What I said was that it obviously got you so excited you clicked too fast. Next time you’re tempted, just think of Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day, k?
Your comment got put in spam. Perhaps it was all the penis references?
I didn’t think the Leo one looked sufficiently Leonine; a bad caricature is no photograph. And Hard Gay is a given, but not much of a celebrity ’round these parts. I know what’s good for hit, and a Brad Pitt sex toy is gonna outpull a Hard Gay sex toy on just about any day, even with teh gheys. So to speak.
The Stallone one has no Japan link. It’s not like Kitty was Asian.
Kitty? Not Asian?
HEL-LOOO!
Oh I see–wrong Kitty.
Favourite line in the above link: “The emergence of the [item] caused friction between Sanrio and Genyo”
Well it would.
Stallone’s Kitty’s not exactly Polly Ester, either.
Ah, at last we are as of one mind. Me wuvs me some Samurai Pizza Cats too.
Some enterprising soul has loaded at least four eps at YouTube. They’re in 2-part format and run about 18 minutes or so.
God I loved that show–it was the first cartoon I ever took seriously after I reached drinking age. It was the first show I remember to have had a throwaway line in the closing credits, stuff like “No celluloids were killed in the making of this TV program, although some were severely contused.”
But I find that one-mind stuff a little disturbing, especially given what day it is.
Is it possible I’m nuts and I write the Raincoaster blog only in order to respond to myself in my comments section?
Or possibly you’re the crazy one, and you create Metroblog to give your alter ego a dimension of reality.
Hah! What am I saying? In the end there can be only one Metro (for which I have been awarded the thanks of a grateful nation).
Besides–even my alter ego would never use the twee case (Me wuvs, you wuvs, He/she/it wuvs).
i wd 2
Logical positivism is not the fivefold path, trust me. Turn away! Turn away!
I hope that neither of those, as Tom Lehrer would say, ‘devices’ is anatomically correct. Otherwise, Brad and Leo both have serious problems with genital warts.
Well I think they both slept with Juliette Lewis, so there you go.
hope that neither of those, as Tom Lehrer would say, ‘devices’ is anatomically correct. Otherwise, Brad and Leo both have serious problems with genital warts.
Indeed, but see the comment immediately above yours. That would explain everything.
Oh, Photobucket, you turdblossoms.