For reasons best left unsaid, it entertains me to watch other people fending off swarming loyalista (nay, Unquestionista) fans when they cluster and attack in those occasional, apparently-random movements dictated by hive mind.
Here is the latest version, from Logged Hours, via Gawker. What is unique about the American Idol phenomenon is that, other than Simon and Paula, it appears as if every contestant has been stripped of all possible personality just prior to appearing and that they have, in fact, been manufactured especially for this moment, having no pasts in which to have retroactively embarassed themselves or the millions of people who stayed home to watch rather than, say, vote.
These are the least offensive group of stars the universe has ever seen. Why, then, is the drama quotient of their fandoms the equivalent of a sack of enriched plutonium at a Kabul night market? It’s not just Taylor’s Hicks; anybody remember the 5,000-comment Claymate threads on Perez Hilton‘s site?
In any case, to the Hicks!
Dear Crazy Taylor Hicks fans,
Please STOP COMMENTING on my blog about how AMAZINGLY HOT you think your weirdo sex-object is and take your creepy internet fan-love somewhere else.
I don’t give a hoot in the wind if you think that I have a “fickle aesthetic”. If you think that Taylor Hicks is the hottest man alive, you need your head checked. That is my OPINION. I am entitled to my opinion, especially since it’s my goddamn blog. I don’t care that you love him and would try and have his children from DNA derived from some used napkin you bought on eBay. I don’t want to hear it.
raincoaster 
Oh I like this post. I’ve just been had-a-go-at myself on another blog. Some jealous stranger decided to claim ownership of a public figure and fight his battles for him on his behalf. I wouldn’t mind but that is his stock-in-trade. Not only that but I only said I’d seen him in the week and it must be great to have a job where you get paid to have dinner with your friends. Well I wouldn’t mind a job like that and no mistake, ‘course I’d like the wife at home looking after the children while I hobnobbed the night away. Hang on…. does this mean I’d have to get married? And not watch Tom and Jerry? Oh celebrity is definately not for me then. I wonder what this Clay Aiken’s going to be like when he reaches puberty? Bless.
It’s kind of fun to get this kind of attention if you can keep a thick skin about it.
Definitely more fun than “0 comments” :)
OMG! Like! Taylor Hicks is SOOOO hot! And! Like! I can’t believe! He! Is! From the same state! As MEEEEEEEE!
I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. But I wish they would stop pulling idols from Alabama. It’s really bad for our sleek and shiny image.
Philipa, apparently Clay’s going to be a top who favours military men. But that is, of course, only rumour.
Where in god’s name do they keep finding these utterly personality-free idols, and why do these personality-disordered millions latch on to them so hard? At a certain point it seemed clear that, if Clay came out, dozens if not hundreds of women would have killed themselves, and some would have tried to kill him! They’ve already filed suit against him for misleading them into thinking he was straight: I am NOT KIDDING. Yet he’s just a nice Southern boy who sings well. Honestly, can’t they just get over it?
“They’ve already filed suit against him for misleading them into thinking he was straight: I am NOT KIDDING” – nooo. Really? Only in America!
Filing suit in the south – does that mean spray painting his name on an overpass then striking a line through it?
Sorry, I do love Alabama but I also love Jeff Foxworthy.
You know you’re a red-neck when you think sex with boys is a step up in society. Or should that be tennesee? (Mooo, quiet Daisy) Sorry, sooo cliche. Perhaps I should seek Deliverance. Oh per-lease. Sorry, leaving now. Sorry.
It’s a good thing this blog is not PC. But hey, what can you expect from a Limey, eh?
Yes there are still some sensible people who realise America would have been better off under British rule. Oh well they’ve got George Bush now. I can’t quite reconcile that man as indicative of intelligent design though.
He’s “intelligent” in a context that defines anything transmitted, no matter how meaningless, as “information.”
PS I hope regular readers will bear with me, as I’m currently deadly ill. I only got out of bed today to heat up some canned foods, and will only venture outside tomorrow to get some more. On the plus side, ginger tea is hallucinogenic! Kewlness.