My good friend engtech has passed along the transcript of the Britney-K-Fed-Ex dumping text message exchange. This top-secret document was no doubt leaked by the very hacker who cracked Paris Hilton‘s sidekick. What would we do without celebrity-obsessed hackers? We’d have to write our own bloody blog content, that’s what, and nobody wants to see that happen.

Here’s a slice of the transcript, available at drivl.com, which has the makings of my new spiritual home, via engtech.

Britney: hey kev, y’all remember when i was hot?

Kevin: po po yeah, i wuz like dayum bitches i hit the jackpot!

Britney: well i just crapped out federline junior #2, and i worked, like, super hard to lose all that weight and y’all haven’t said nothin. i even did a couple of, whatya call ’em, where you sit up a buncha times…anyway, i cut down to eating only three bags of cheetos a day, and that was hard!

Kevin: po po cheetos are off the hook fo sho…