What do I want to do? I want to add ten bucks to my Paypal account. What does that take? It seems I have to link a new bank account to my Paypal account, one which has money in it. Okay, how hard can this be?
Add in the debit card/account info as a credit card, which it also is. Success! But I can’t add money to the Paypal from a credit card, it seems, which is what I need to do, so now I have to add in the same information, but as a bank account instead of a credit card even though the information is the same. So, how do?
Add in the information. Click to accept the terms of service. Get a popup saying they have to contact me with a code to confirm. Okay, you have my email. BUT NOOOOO. It says “choose your options” and I have a bad feeling, like in the Call of Cthulhu RPG where basically everyone goes mad and dies, the question is how far you can get before it happens.
There is only one option on the drop-down, an option which freezes the blood in my veins.
“Accept a phone call.”
The crew at Skype and Paypal do this deliberately and watch you scream and cry through your webcam, don’t they?
Oh no. ANYTHING but that. But, again, I’m out of options. I really just want to add ten bucks to my Paypal. In for a penny, in for a grueling nightmare of phonetree fails.
It gets worse. The only number they have for me is Skype.
I open Skype on the computer. THIS VERSION OF SKYPE IS NO LONGER SUPPORTED CLICK HERE TO UPDATE…
Because of course it did. It did so, in fact, several times in succession, so fuck that shit. I go to Skype.com because I remember from the last century that you can still use skype to make and receive calls at Skype.com.
<interlude in which I reset my Skype password three times, because the first two I tried had already been used FUGATES and FUMSFT, imagine that>
I am ready. I click “Call me” on Paypal. I get a retro-tech doo-doo-dooby doo-doo-doo ring tone, but try as I may, I cannot find anywhere to click to receive the call. Skype, it seems will allow me to receive calls, but just not answer them. Sixty seconds later, I get a voicemail, a plaintive female voice asking me, over and over, to put in the code they are showing on my paypal page. Oh, trust me, ma’am, I would if I could, but the tech gods are against us tonight and Microsoft is in retrograde.
They’re in the house, we already covered this!
I go through this entire procedure twice more, and then I get the genius idea to get my phone, which is charging elsewhere, and open Skype on it, and pounce the instant it rings. And guess what? Paypal says, on my fourth try, “We are sorry we are unable to verify your account” and now that I can finally, FINALLY answer their goddam skype call, they won’t call me.
There’s a metaphor about dating in there somewhere.
So, I guess my Paypal account will just have to be underwater until I get a client, and they choose to pay via Paypal, and I complete the job and invoice and wait, or until Skype actually works, or until I dunno, until technology finally breaks us all and we go back to stone knives and bearskins.
So, how was YOUR Canada Day?