No Answer

What do I want to do? I want to add ten bucks to my Paypal account. What does that take? It seems I have to link a new bank account to my Paypal account, one which has money in it. Okay, how hard can this be?

Add in the debit card/account info as a credit card, which it also is. Success! But I can’t add money to the Paypal from a credit card, it seems, which is what I need to do, so now I have to add in the same information, but as a bank account instead of a credit card even though the information is the same. So, how do?

Add in the information. Click to accept the terms of service. Get a popup saying they have to contact me with a code to confirm. Okay, you have my email. BUT NOOOOO. It says “choose your options” and I have a bad feeling, like in the Call of Cthulhu RPG where basically everyone goes mad and dies, the question is how far you can get before it happens.

There is only one option on the drop-down, an option which freezes the blood in my veins.

“Accept a phone call.”

The crew at Skype and Paypal do this deliberately and watch you scream and cry through your webcam, don't they?

The crew at Skype and Paypal do this deliberately and watch you scream and cry through your webcam, don’t they?

Oh no. ANYTHING but that. But, again, I’m out of options. I really just want to add ten bucks to my Paypal. In for a penny, in for a grueling nightmare of phonetree fails.

It gets worse. The only number they have for me is Skype.

I open Skype on the computer. THIS VERSION OF SKYPE IS NO LONGER SUPPORTED CLICK HERE TO UPDATE…

UPDATE FAILED.

Seriously, feels.

Feels.

Because of course it did. It did so, in fact, several times in succession, so fuck that shit. I go to Skype.com because I remember from the last century that you can still use skype to make and receive calls at Skype.com.

<interlude in which I reset my Skype password three times, because the first two I tried had already been used FUGATES and FUMSFT, imagine that>

I am ready. I click “Call me” on Paypal. I get a retro-tech doo-doo-dooby doo-doo-doo ring tone, but try as I may, I cannot find anywhere to click to receive the call. Skype, it seems will allow me to receive calls, but just not answer them. Sixty seconds later, I get a voicemail, a plaintive female voice asking me, over and over, to put in the code they are showing on my paypal page. Oh, trust me, ma’am, I would if I could, but the tech gods are against us tonight and Microsoft is in retrograde.

They're in the house, we already covered this!

They’re in the house, we already covered this!

I go through this entire procedure twice more, and then I get the genius idea to get my phone, which is charging elsewhere, and open Skype on it, and pounce the instant it rings. And guess what? Paypal says, on my fourth try, “We are sorry we are unable to verify your account” and now that I can finally, FINALLY answer their goddam skype call, they won’t call me.

There’s a metaphor about dating in there somewhere.

So, I guess my Paypal account will just have to be underwater until I get a client, and they choose to pay via Paypal, and I complete the job and invoice and wait, or until Skype actually works, or until I dunno, until technology finally breaks us all and we go back to stone knives and bearskins.

So, how was YOUR Canada Day?

deadpool canadian heritage

So, I went clubbing…

Started out kind of meh, but things got better.

As you can see here:

I think I may go shopping tomorrow. Especially if it’s like this.

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: what did you do yesterday raincoaster edition

I'm a fucking unicorn

I’m a fucking unicorn

Truth be told, I’m not really feeling the whole Unicorn Chaser phenomenon, but it’s fucking Wednesday so here you go with the kyoot kittehs and assorted adorbz shit.

Snuggie-clad ProtoGay Performs Beyonce:

Seriously, The Thuggie should give that kid some money and backup dancers from Glee and shoot their own commercial. 105,000 views in ten days isn’t scruffy.

If that wasn’t gay enough, let’s have a Kiki!

Okay, your unicorn chaser cutemeister is officially outta here.

Dandelion bailing the fuck outta here

Dandelion bailing the fuck outta here

Time to get real. IF this internet will let me (Starbucks, we’re gonna have words, I tell ya; when Wind mobile is faster, you KNOW you’ve got a problem).

So, what did your intrepid blogger do yesterday, you’re all wondering? Yes? Put your plausible faces on, audience, I like a little effort on your part.

  1. Interviewed Anonymous for an hour and a half on the Par:AnoIA leaks site. Got trolled, what do you expect? but survived.
  2. Sent another list of questions to State Rep Dan Gordon of Rhode Island (this is the third time; he says he’ll answer this time, who knows, he even might)
  3. Sent an email interview question list to Brian Vidovic of EXP bar and restaurant, which hopes to open soon IF they can get this tsuris with their liquor license cleared up.
  4. Interviewed John Young, the founder of Cryptome (and a co-founder of WikiLeaks) and god, wasn’t THAT an experience and a half. Post should be up on the Daily Dot tomorrow, and will be epicsauce. Unless your initials are DDB or JA. Or raincoaster. But how did he KNOW I was a deranged terrorist?
  5. Actually got a workout done, 20 minutes on the stationary bike but better than nothing. I’m doing a 30 day boot camp thingy, so far so good.
  6. Deciphered a math puzzle GIF at 4am, found out the original poster back in 2004, found an alternate version of the same puzzle with the opposite result, found the most lucid and easy to follow explanation on the net, and wrote it up for my Morning GIF: the Fibonacci Bamboozle. God I wish I had to go to a party with math nerds, so I could wear a tank dress with a spiral of sequins on it and explain I was wearing “Fibonacci Sequins!”
  7. Tweaked my Adsense account and ads on Lolebrity.net
  8. Set up monetization on my YouTube channel, but for whatever reason I can’t activate it on the video with over a million views. Ranted at Support after taking 45 minutes to FIND support at YouTube.
  9. Storified the epic Twitter battle between the new @AnonymousIRC and @Wikileaks.
  10. Read several apparently-still-classified documents on infosec and learned a great deal.
  11. Scored half price sushi at T&T for dinner, keeping strictly to my No Flour, No Sugar, No Salt diet. Oh, and did all this while getting in an hour and a half of walking as well.
  12. Felt smug right up until falling asleep face-first in my book.

Which reminds me it’s time to get off the internet, jam some food down my gullet, and get my workout in for today. What did I do today? Pitched four stories or five, can’t remember, wrote up the John Young interview, revised it, waited…waited…waited, went and got my other blog posts up.

What did you do today, raincoaster? Part the whatever

because I’m too tired to look it up, having been awake since Tuesday. And why? Well, part of the reason was that I started a new job at the Daily Dot (and another part of the reason was that my laptop and iPod both conked out on me at the same time). But I got one if not both of them working again and got my story filed and another two to boot, one of which is doing so well the YouTube counter is stuck, which means it’s going up faster than YouTube can count at the moment, which is yay, go me for featuring such a charming and powerful video of Occupy Vancouver.

Which I shall do again here:

It was a bit of a relief to spend so long NOT dealing with trolls, concern or otherwise. But you know what they say…

Haters Gonna Hate! Julian Assange and Me

Haters Gonna Hate! Julian Assange and Me

So, just to double-check, as there is every possibility I may be headed to LA to house-sit for a friend, come February which, I don’t care what April says, really is the cruellest month. Have I made the right choice of career (all others having rejected me out of hand, but that’s their loss HATERS GONNA HATE AMIRITE)?

Let us ask the almighty Interweb:


You Should Be a Script Writer


You are verbal, witty, and expressive. You have probably always had a way with words.

You are intellectual and brainy. You are well read, and you will read anything you can get your hands on.You have a vivid imagination. You can create a whole new world inside your mind.

You love challenges, especially when they involve learning new things. You love to step outside your comfort zone.

How do you spell “Hail Cthulhu” in Elvish?

Occupy Pumpkin Patch

GPOY: Occupy Pumpkin Patch

via Vicki McLeod

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

I had the best costume today, even if the mask didn’t fit very well.

V for Vogue

V for Vogue

The best part was that when people at, say, Starbucks looked surprised and alarmed (and they did) I just said, “Well, we TOLD you to expect us!” and they’d laugh.

Didn’t get the pumpkin carved in time (Elvish characters are a bitch to make without a proper Elven Pumpkin Carving Dagger) so I guess I’ll be eating a lot of curry, soups, and pie [holla, Oxford Comma] in the near future. And even though I had no jack o’ lantern and the porch light was out, I did get a few kids showing up: one four year old Super Mario, one six year old witch, a three year old um something vampiric I guess, and two older kids around twelve, one dressed in civvies and the other at least halfheartedly tried with a boy scout uniform. I rooted through the kitchen in desperation and ended up giving out all the apples. Super Mario Boy, “Oh goody, I LOVE apples!” By the time I remembered the lowfat caramel dip (what do you dip in it, Jenny Craig?) I was all out of Trick or Treaters for this year.

Then the cats and I spent four hours watching the fireworks in the park behind the house. Yes. Four. Hours. Every time there was a pause the black cat would freak out and start frantically pawing at the glass to make it start again. The bizarre thing is, it worked Every. Single. Time. The other cat expressed himself more directly, by expressing himself over the rug which is, thank god, machine washable.

In other news of unholy manifestations, I see that He is risen at last.

That’s right, bitches: Cthulhu is back!

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

As you can clearly see from these before-and-after pictures of the Chao Phraya river, He has returned…to Thailand. Great, do you have any idea how much the airfare will be?

HE could be a little more considerate, knowmasayin’?

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.