death poetry jam: fired from Apple for laying it down hardcore on the Canadian FedEx lady

Actually, all the FedEx ladies I know but one are gay. But Canadian FedEx ladies, gay, straight, or undecided Guatemalan poncho-clad and living off the Drive, are cool; this is not in dispute.

I knew one woman who worked with FedEx not because they had a great partner benefits program, which I believe they did, nor because the pay was good, which I believe it was, nor because the hours were flexible and suited her, which I believe they did, but rather because, on every cargo flight, there is an extra jumpseat in the cockpit which is available to FedEx employees who may wish to fly to, say, Bali, say, every Friday afternoon and return, oh, say every Monday morning, having surfed and parties the entire time, speaking hypothetically, of course.

Which reminds me to get my damn application in to FedEx. They need bloggers, right? Oh, totally.

In any case, here is the sad, yet amusing and Schadenfreude-laden tale of the star of Apple‘s local talent show, who allegedly-and-apparently got his butt fired for the following, talent-show-rocking, American Idol-worthy performance of, his ode to the Canadian FedEx lady.

Rhyme different?

And yes, they do indeed all have huge, anime eyes, the colour of Hudson’s Bay, Algonquin Park in October, Alberta sweetgrass, or the ice at the hidden heart of a Baffin Island glacier. Video over the jump.

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12 thoughts on “death poetry jam: fired from Apple for laying it down hardcore on the Canadian FedEx lady

  1. Rain,

    Just wait til late September, when I can relate my own experience as a call center employee. I don’t do poetry, but I’ve got lots of fun things to say about call center employees from Texas . . . .

  2. I only watched that all the way through hoping that he’d play another shot of that hottie doing the opera (green shirt, hair pulled back, granny specs–‘cos they totally kick my ass too!). And he DID! Score.

    I think the reason he was fired was that either a) Apple could have gotten in Dutch with the Department of Fatherland Insanity about hiring someone so obviously anti-American as to profess admiration for bits of Canada; or else b) Steve Jobs fell to the floor of his office foaming and chewing the Berber when he heard the phrase “send each other mix CDs”, with its flavour of pirated iTunes.

  3. He was, indeed, awesome, and he should, if there is justice in the world, end up with the Canadian FedEx lady.

    Metro, you are kinky beyond my wildest dreams. Thank God I don’t sing opera.

    Juvenal, what do you mean we’ve never met? Don’t you remember that drunken weekend at Castle Urquhart? Also, clearing out your temporary Internet files and restarting will let you see the videos; but thanks for the reminder, I’ll stick them behind Clickthroughs for ease of loading.

  4. Lip synch, honey–I swoon for bad karaoke too. And I’m exactly as kinky as your wildest dreams–let no-one say I don’t aim to satisfy.

    A man after my own heart–check out track 01 here.

  5. Oh, I remember Ernie Cline; he was one of the first things I ever blogged about. Yes, highly cool stuff, but now I am reminded to get out my copy of Spoken Word Revolution and see if I can post Television. Now THAT is must-see MP3!

  6. b) Steve Jobs fell to the floor of his office foaming and chewing the Berber when he heard the phrase “send each other mix CDs”, with its flavour of pirated iTunes.

    xxxxxxxx

    the commenst are just as giggle worthy!

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