Git Outtahere!

You need to be over at raincoastermedia.com to read my Steve Jobs roundup. The world is smaller, quieter, duller, and scarier without him.

iPad news: Yes, it will blend

As if there was ever any doubt.

Cringe, fanboys, in naked horror before the awesome power of the Blendtec blender as it pulverizes the holy Pad of glory.

As you can see, the first challenge is getting it to fit in the blender. After that, it’s just a matter of RPMs over APIs.

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Hymn to the JesusPhone: iPhone Taboo

apple tablets revealed

See how behind the times I am? The iPhone Taboo video was uploaded to YouTube just over a year ago and I only got my JesusPhone last month! Well, I’ve finally joined the 21st Century at last. While I’d love to have a bunch of clients who pay me with … you know … what do they call it, that stuff … MONEY! Right, right, “money,” that’s what it’s called.

Yeah.

While I’d love to have a bunch of clients pay me with “money” none of the people who currently beg me to work for them seem to have any of that, so instead we have regressed to a primitive barter system: you buy me drinks and you can ask me questions about WordPress until I’ve finished them. You let me stay in your house for a month at Christmas, eating your food, drinking your wine, and annoying your pets and I don’t make fun of the fact you’re still on Blogspot. You give me an iPhone and I will give your blog a good once-over and update things you never even knew you had.

Now all I need is somebody with a liquor store who wants a Twitter account and I’m golden.

All Hail the JesusPhone!

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The Lord of the Ring

Steve Jobs, Ringmaster

Steve Jobs, Ringmaster

Today in My Imaginary Boyfriend News (well, actually last week in My Imaginary Boyfriend News, but things are always complicated chez Operation Global Media Domination HQ) Gawker reports that Steve Jobs made his stage appearance at … who gives a rat’s ass what it was, like I can afford anything he previewed anyway!

At something…

Without his wedding ring.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, quibble if you must; deny; harangue; make ridiculous claims like “he’s lost a  lot of weight and probably just took it to get re-sized”. Tell yourself whatever lies you need to let you sleep at night.

I KNOW.

At last, I’m one step closer to getting a free Macbook!

drunkblogging FTW!

Steve Jobs has no religion. Steve Jobs needs no religion. Steve Jobs IS a religion

What, exactly, does it say about me that I make more sense, using more complex syntax and a more sophisticated vocabulary, when I’m drunk than when I’m sober?

The proof:

Once I sober up from the cheap Cab Sauv, I’ll come back with something useful, but for now think of it like this:

I have both the Manual of Afghani Jihad and the Japanese Kamikaze Manual documents, and I have done a presentation around the fact that both of these put technology in a spiritual context. The central thesis of that presentation is that if Western, secular military forces had something that spiritually compelling we would have no recruiting or morale problems.Apple, for good or ill, offers that spiritual dimension, and has done so since the “do you want to sell sugar water or do you want to change the world” days.
Respect.
Related: This and this and this, too.

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