Category Archives: news

Justin Trudeau looking preoccupied

The Pre-Occupied Briefing Bingo

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Is it what, Wednesday already, Possums? We’ve lost track, having been somewhat preoccupied ’round these parts (of Ottawa) lately, not to mention having published roughly 10,000 words over the past two weeks. Not even counting Twitter (gotta be another 10k at least). While the initial Ottawa Occupation may indeed be over, there are two truck rodeos not far out of town waiting for the signal to launch #OO2.0. Meanwhile World War Three looms. It’s Rather A Lot, Possums. We are all preoccupied these days, between worry and working.

AND!

A BRAND NEW BINGO CARD!

Yes, it’s really happening!

Yes, Possums, after what? A six month hiatus during which we each day hoped (and that, fervently, Possums, positively fervently) that we’d never need another card because the pandemic was surely over (the end of the pandemic being, apparently, around exactly the same corner as prosperity) after six months, we’re back with a new Bingo card!

But it’s not (Pandemic: over. Prosperity: just around the corner). We’re headed towards WW III, and here we are. We’re in this together.

Strap in and hold on, we’re coming in hot.

And we’re not even talking about our featured image! #BringBackTheBeard

Justin Trudeau looking preoccupied
Justin Trudeau looking preoccupied. And bearded

Our CPAC video is here, with just 380 watching which is what you get for announcing a 4pm press conference at what? 2pm? (Update: 12,000 a respectable number, a couple of hours later:

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is expected to provide an update on measures implemented under the federal government’s declaration of a public-order emergency. He is joined by Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland as well as ministers David Lametti (justice), Marco Mendicino (public safety) and Bill Blair (emergency preparedness). The government invoked the Emergencies Act on February 14, 2022, as part of an effort to resolve ongoing blockades and protests in several parts of the country. A motion to confirm the declaration of an emergency was adopted by the House of Commons on February 21. Debate on a similar motion is still underway in the Senate.

And here are our bingo cards, including the new, less-pandemic-y, more-Ukrainian Eleventh Generation bingo card! Are you excited, Possums? I know you are.

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The Covid Briefing Bingo: A Reconstruction

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Good morning, possums! We’re here, we’re caffeinated, and we’re doing this!

Basically the core elements of existentialism. Don’t ask too many questions (another core element). Existentialism is a Whole Mood, very 2021 indeed.

A wise friend of mine said that, in taking on and taking down Wall Street and Big Money, Reddit was at last fulfilling the dream of its founder, the late Aaron Swartz. Swartz killed himself when the government threatened him with decades in custody for attempting to put some academic papers online for free.

I don’t even know who I am anymore now that I’m not a cybersecurity journalist and I’m not the Governor-General of Canada.

Yet.

Our video is here, with 1700 tuned in live. Fridays are always busy at Rideau Cottage:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.

I see CPAC Captioneer is feeling Existentialist himself. Without faith in history or the future, their captions are meaningless, and without the incentive of being paid by the word there is no reason to fill them out to 150 words, the way they did mere weeks ago. It’s okay, CPAC Captioneer. We’re all half-assing it these days except Justin Trudeau, who is coasting on the adrenaline that’s sustained him through the Trump years and the oxytocin glow of the Joe Biden inauguration.

Edited to add: I guess CPAC doesn’t get a copy of the speech in advance, because only after the fact do they fully-ass the captions:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. He announces tighter travel restrictions aimed at curbing the spread of the coronavirus. Air Canada, WestJet, Sunwing and Air Transat have agreed to suspend air services to all Caribbean destinations and Mexico starting January 31 until April 30. In addition, starting next week, international flights will only be allowed to land at Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and Calgary. The prime minister also announces that the federal government will soon introduce mandatory in-airport PCR testing for returning travellers, who must await their results at an approved hotel for up to three days at their own expense. Mandatory COVID-19 testing at U.S. land borders will also be coming for non-essential travellers.

Zoolander is feeling alive and existential

And our cards are here:

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How to Handle Women lobby card

How to Handle Covid-19 Briefing Bingos

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Good afternoon, kittens. Today’s briefing bingo was done live on Twitter, and laterblogged here because of internet speed-related technical difficulties.

Our briefing bingo for today is named after the Bela Lugosi film “How to Handle Women.” Given that audiences for his live appearances were 90% female, and that he had five wives, we can conclude that Bela not only could Get It, but could most probably Handle It as well.

Speaking of handling things, it’s the Justin Trudeau hour:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.

And I note that the other federal officials are also doing a briefing today. Some day I might be arsed to cover more than one briefing in a day, but that day? Is not this day, kittens.

Not today, kittens.

Linus and Matt Gleason know all about Ottawa

And me without coffee. I. Can’t. Even. Nothing, kittens, nothing is sacred anymore.

This whole briefing has undercurrents of frustration, alienation, and impending retribution, because (spoiler: not just because it’s 2020!):

Of course, we know that NOBODY ever gets fired in Ottawa, no matter how bad the fuckup.

“That letter” being the letter than many Canadians received telling them that they had to repay their CERB benefits “by January 1, 2021”. I did not receive this letter, although when I tried to sign in to get my CRB benefits again (the dog-sitting biz is still quite thoroughly en toilette) I did get notified that my benefits are frozen, and that I needed to provide documentation proving I qualify, and further, that I needed to provide that documentation by fax. The message helpfully noted that there are many free online services that will convert photos/scans to fax, and this is true, but literally none of them will convert and fax the 49 pages of proof I needed. Just another example of the government demanding, in a perfectly reasonable tone of voice, something which is literally impossible for many desperate people to provide.

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PedoBear and LiLo: Together Again at Last!

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Pedobear

Pedobear

So, can someone tell me what PedoBear is doing in Lindsay Lohan’s new game for kids?

Robin Williams on Loneliness

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Mork & Mindy: In Mork We Trust (#1.21)” (1979)

Orson: The report, Mork.

Mork: This week I discovered a terrible disease called loneliness.

Orson: Do many people on Earth suffer from this disease?

Mork: Oh yes sir, and how they suffer. One man I know suffers so much he has to take a medication called bourbon, even that doesn’t help very much because then he can hear paint dry.

Orson: Does bed rest help?

Mork: No because I’ve heard that sleeping alone is part of the problem. You see, Orson, loneliness is a disease of the spirit. People who have it think that no one cares about them.

Orson: Do you have any idea why?

Mork: Yes sir you can count on me. You see, when children are young, they’re told not to talk to strangers. When they go to school, they’re told not to talk to the person next to them. Finally when they’re very old, they’re told not to talk to themselves, who’s left?

Orson: Are you saying Earthlings make each other lonely?

Mork: No sir I’m saying just the opposite. They make themeslves lonely, they’re so busy looking out for number one that there’s not enough room for two.

Orson: It’s too bad everybody down there can’t get together and find a cure.

Mork: Here’s the paradox sir because if they did get together, they wouldn’t need one.