Hello, Possums, and welcome back to another episode of the Justin Trudeau Hour, coming to you live today from Rideau Cottage on the grounds of Rideau Hall, yet again. Just like old times, really. Will we have new porchscaping, Possums? An appearance from the family dog? Will we get the Sophie square? One is on tenterfuckinghooks, one is!
Today’s briefing is named after Napoleon, in accordance with our overarching nomenclature theme. Still no correct guesses in the comments section as to what that might be. But some plenty great visuals!
We shall see if either of my computers can make it through today’s #BriefingBingo alive. One can’t get on the internet, the other refuses to boot.
We’re running a bit behind, so today’s intro will be abbreviated in the interests of expeditiousness which, unusually for a Canadian political interest, has no money or votes at all to trade for influence, but where were we? Oh right, getting to the point.
Here’s the video:
Well, that was a right Royal or at least Imperial clusterfuck, wasn’t it?
So let’s for once use the CBC video and you’ll want to skip to 13:30 to avoid all the talking heads CBC has on salary and has to give airtime to. Well, for all I know they’re very good, but they’re just the warm-up for the actual bingo, right Possums?
Well, here we are again, Possums, doing another Covid Briefing Bingo just when we thought we’d never see another. With the continuously-imminent election uh, imminent, Justin Trudeau has an awful lot of other things on his plate, which is no doubt silver to match the spoons.
Oh, did I ever tell you my theory about why Boris Johnson hates boiled eggs? I did not, unless you were in the comments section of Boris’ blog about fifteen years ago, so here goes. We love a good digression around these parts, we surely do.
So, Boris Johnson, currently the Prime Minister of the Technically United But Actually Rapidly Disintegrating Kingdom, hates boiled eggs.
Now, you might not care, as I did not, as neither I nor you (in all probability) are egg farmers or egg restaurateurs. But there’s a delicious hook or two here: Schadenfreude and class war. And inorganic chemistry, which is always cool. We love a good inorganic chemistry digression, especially with lashings of class war and a dollop of Schadenfreude.
When you or I eat eggs, I bet you or I do so with a spoon made of steel. What happens when the steel meets the egg is…the egg gives, and we eat it. When a posh person such as Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson (no really) eats an egg, he does it with a literally silver spoon. Or, if you’re just bougie, silver plate. And what happens when silver meets egg is, the silver reacts with the sulfur compounds in the egg and a really revolting gas is released.
So, the reason BoJo doesn’t like boiled eggs is, class privilege. I say we don’t tell him, and we keep all the nicely boiled and poached eggs to ourselves.
Dining privilege has its own pitfalls, Boris. Take note.
When you fly too close to the sun, you can get burned, as Canadian politicians routinely find out.
This is a Covid briefing post. It’s about a pandemic. Stick with me here.
Oh wait, speaking of tangents…
We are still in obedience to our arbitrarily though not randomly chosen naming convention of mystery. Today we are Sunburn, both in adherence to that convention (although we are 99% unconventional here normally ((but not conventionally))) and because we have been forgetting the sunscreen before heading out with Buddy to catch some Pokemon, and it takes better than an hour to hit all the Pokestops in the neighbourhood.
So named not just for the massive grocery shop-up I’m about to do once this is a wrap, but ALSO for the squirmy little worm that fell out of my hair after my hike of the other day *shudders* and ALSO ALSO yet again after our mystery Overarching Nomenclature Theme that has nothing to do with politics, really. If you think you know what it is, put your guesses in the comments section. So far we have had:
Welcome back, Possums. We here at ye olde raincoaster blog are still unclear whether CP Style capitalizes Possums or not, but we’re feeling our collective oats today (and also our coffee, which is beans and thus protein, right? RIGHT?) so we will allow it.
It is definitely, positively not named after the influence mining corporations have on politicians, nope, nosirree Bob, whoever Bob is. He’s your uncle, I guess. Especially if you’re a centrist party looking for donations.
Definitely not named for that. Perish the thought! Because we all know the gold they give to political parties is all too real.
Nobody knows better than this dude.
So far in our arbitrarily-chosen-theme-series, we’ve had:
Guesses in the comments section to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes. And need we even tell you they’re arbitrary? You’ll have guessed it already, you clever Possums. Or possums. Whatever.
Today we have an unexpected bonus for you: a tenth generation bingo card! Yes, we found 24 new pieces of minutiae to hunt out in these very serious and important political briefings.
And we’re doing this from Ottawa.
Our video is or will be here, and I sincerely hope CPAC got its placeholder shit together because we’d vastly prefer to keep using their videos. Oh lookie, they did. We feel our complaints reached the proper department at last. 124 watching, with five minutes to go [two hours later, only 840 views]: